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She gave me a certain type of bracelet a little while ago symbolizing love and commitment in her culture and was disappointed that I didn't like to wear it often because it's uncomfortable to me (stopped wearing a wristwatch years ago because it was uncomfortable and felt like my circulation was being cut off). As I said, I was stunned when she said this, but since it was the holidays and I didn't feel like stirring ***** up, I let it slide. Later, I brought it up and how it made me feel and she said "of course I didn't mean it like that".
Haha, yeah my original recommendation definitely stands.
"of course I didn't mean it like that" Yeah right.
Last edited by david0966; 02-10-2015 at 01:49 PM..
She gave me a certain type of bracelet a little while ago symbolizing love and commitment in her culture and was disappointed that I didn't like to wear it often because it's uncomfortable to me (stopped wearing a wristwatch years ago because it was uncomfortable and felt like my circulation was being cut off). As I said, I was stunned when she said this, but since it was the holidays and I didn't feel like stirring ***** up, I let it slide. Later, I brought it up and how it made me feel and she said "of course I didn't mean it like that".
You let it slide? Are you kidding me? I have a hard time believing anyone would stand there when their partner called them selfish and say nothing. I get that you didn't want to ruin the holidays by getting into an argument. But asking the other to elaborate on something they said isn't the same as starting an argument. There are times when you should keep your mouth shut and let things go unanswered. This wasn't one of those times. I don't get why your partner would react that way to a bracelet. Maybe it's a big deal in her culture. Or maybe it was just an excuse to criticize you over something else that's bothering her, something she doesn't want to bring up. Who knows? I still disagree with the folks who say you should just walk away. What have you actually tried in order to fix the relationship?
Part of being in a relationship means being able to accept criticism from your partner. But a lot of us can't handle that. Instead of reflecting on what our partner is telling us and asking whether there's any truth to it, we let our hurt feelings get in the way. I don't know whether the OP is too selfish or whether his partner is just being unrealistic. I disagree with the folks who said he should just move on. Why are people in such a rush to quit instead of actually working to fix a relationship? If this were my partner and she said this to me, I would be asking for examples of my supposed selfishness. I would be asking what she'd like me to do differently. And then I would decide whether I wanted to make those changes.
I agree. Really he should break up with her for saying he can be a little selfish? Damn :/
Great example of how to work on something, DennyCrane.
She should accept your reason for not wanting to wear the bracelet, but instead made a federal case out of it. If it's uncomfortable for you, you shouldn't have to wear it. Period. I highly suspect this would just be the tip of the iceberg.
At any time you are not happy with this relationship and who I am as a person feel free to walk out. If you feel that I am not good enough or to your high standards don't let me be the speed bump to your complete happiness
I wouldn't base the entire relationship on this one conversation. If I were the OP, I wouldn't have just let it go in the moment. We would have talked it through. People often say things they don't really mean when they are upset about something. I'm not saying that it was okay for her to say what she said - just that who she is and their overall relationship is more than a few sentences. My husband and I have both said some things to each other that we didn't mean at the time. We laugh about some of them now!
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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She is selfish about her selfishness. I think JJ called it with pointing our her martyr crap. And Hawaiian is spot on about the BS of real altruism. There is reciprocal altruism, not true altruism.
If she were truly selfless she would not expect others to meet such high standards. pseudo abnegationist
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