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Yes, I agree. I think people expect things from others that are out of this world.
Most expect something from others that they themselves are not willing to provide.
There is no perfect human, never has been, never will be.
There is also no perfect relationship, never has been, never will be.
Humans are their own worst enemies when it comes to what they expect from others but refuse to provide from themselves.
They set themselves up for failure with a self fulfilling prophecy because the only expectation they have about themselves and a relationship is that they will fail however, it is never their own fault because they are perfect, it is always the fault of the other person.
My friends talk about finding relationships and not dating sometimes. They do complain somewhat, but I've never complained to them or even discussed my own frustrations. A few of my friends do know the kind of crap I've went through though, so some of them won't even bring up the idea of dating to me anyway.
But, if anyone here knew me IRL, they wouldn't even know I had frustrations because it's not something I talk about or even show.
Wow, being halfway through your adult life and NEVER having a romantic relationship seems OK?
I personally would call that dysfunctional. Sorry OP I mean that in a clinical way not a mean sort of way.
It's natural and healthy to wish to bond with the opposite sex.
Have you ever analysed why you haven't had one? Has anyone IRL ever mentioned it as a problem to you?
I think your post says more about you than about the OP. Why is it dysfunctional to not want a relationship? A lot of people are perfectly happy being single. They can date, have sex, etc. without actually entering into a relationship. Your post reminds me of the people who judge those who haven't been married by a certain age and it perfectly ties into what I was saying above, about how people decisions in part on what others will think. I firmly believe that many people enter into relationships because they worry that others will think there's something wrong with them if they're still single. It's no wonder so many people fail at relationships. When you get into one because you're embarrassed at being single, that relationship is doomed from the start. I applaud the OP for not caving into this societal pressure to get into a relationship, as if being single is such a horrible state of being.
I think your post says more about you than about the OP. Why is it dysfunctional to not want a relationship? A lot of people are perfectly happy being single.
Seriously, I don't get certain people, what's wrong with being single as a life choice?
When people date, they tend to idealize or self-project certain qualities they see in themselves onto other people. When they realize that their fantasies of that person (e.g., moral character, personality, values) don't mesh up with reality, when they hit the pavement sooner than the honeymoon phase ever began.. sure, unmet fantasies, desires, expectations can crush a person, because that's what crushes do- crushes crush them because they place their crushes on a pedestal.. and when the bust falls on their heads, it falls haarrd.. heheh.
Yes. It is all about expectations. One end of the spectrum is hooking up- no expectations, the other is a controlling relationship. When you commit you need to communicate what it is you need from the relationship. It's about compromise. The benefit is you get to share things with someone and have companionship. It works if there is an equal give and take. It doesn't work if only one person is giving or taking.
You have to HAVE a standard (expectation) before you can have a disappointment.
One can't happen without the other.
This is correct. Once I realized this years ago, and started managing my expectations better (including having little or zero expectations when meeting a new person, seeing a movie, etc.)...I seldom felt disappointment. It was much easier to just see (and sometimes appreciate) things for what they are.
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