Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
There is actually a saying about this. Men marry women hoping that they will never change...but they do. Women marry men hoping that they will change...but they don't.
Lot of truth in it.
I think that part of the widespread divorce statistics has to do with people who grew up with a mindset of entitlement, expectations of gratification and a self centered outlook, and the thinking that if something isn't good or doesn't "make you happy" you throw it away. And then they get in these relationships where at first it's honey and rose petals, but of course once you move in and live together, and the years start slipping by, this person is part of LIFE. And life is not all honey and rose petals. Life is challenges, hardships, petty aggravations, health issues, finances, etc. Once you associate that person with life...instead of with fun...that's when the true colors start to show. Do you feel obligated to put in the work, or do you cut and run? A lot of people figure that they should be happier than they are, and that they could be happier with someone else, and they "check out emotionally" or just leave or cheat, whatever.
That is of course in the scenarios where abuse or something extreme wasn't involved.
I agree that there's a lot of truth to that saying. That's something I've seen a fair number of times in my life in witnessing relationships.
I also agree that many people are simply too immature to truly handle marriage. I think that immaturity is what feeds the entitlement and instant gratification mindset. It's the inability to see past oneself and take responsibility for one's own feelings. At least, that's been my experience. Another person can't "make" you happy, yet I know so many women who think the right man will suddenly make their lives perfect. It's ridiculous when you think about it.
That said, I've only been an outside observer and counselor to friends going through divorces. I haven't been divorced myself (and I don't ever intend to get divorced).
That was a thought on my mind too. Seperated or not, A man is legally married until legally divorced. OP, right now you are viewed as the "other woman" until his divorce is final.
A lot of people I know that got married are still married. One of my cousins got married before she was 18 only to divorce a few years later. She cheated on her ex-husband.
2 Uncles in my famiy cheated on their wives that ended in divorce. One of them was married 20+ years.
Another Uncle was briefly married. I was a small child at the time so no clue what happened
Speaking of separated I had a friend who had been dating a man who claimed to be divorced but she found out when she was about to give birth that he had been separated. He never married her and when he died he was STILL married (though he hadn't lived with the wife for years). The result was his wife was listed as his survivor.
I dont see a point in writing a life story but there are always the "detectives" that demand more, making snap judgments. Sigh.
Sorry I didnt give a full account of relationships. Clearly a marriage doesnt mean much if it is "just one" relationship. All my other relationships werent marriages so seemed pointless to mention.
I dated a separated man who was not upfront about his status. I did not know he was separated until later. I do know his wife lives with someone else and it takes one full year in my state to have a divorce granted. The deception and other stuff came out at once, which is why I dont see him anymore.
Since I had not faced that, most of the men I've know have been decent sorts with intergrity, it made me do some thinking I normally dont do.
I think people should take marriage seriously, excuse me if that is weird concept.
I believe practicaly everybody who gets married does so with serious intentions. The idea that people divorce for frivolous reasons is a myth. A few outliers do, the type who get drunk and wake up married or are named Britney Spears, but pretty much everybody else marries with the intention of staying together. It's not easy to divorce. In my state, Illinois, a couple has to live apart for at least two years, although a judge may allow separation of at least six months. There is no "Oh, I'll just pop down to the courthouse and get a divorce." An amicable divorce takes several months, and a contested divorce can take years. My uncle's took four years.
It takes two people to make a marriage. In my own experience, my first marriage failed after my respect for my husband was lost, my love for him dried up and withered away, and my faith in the marriage was completely gone. After many disappointments, broken promises, resentments, inability to communicate, bad sex, and a lack of commitment on both our parts it was dead and I knew it would never be good. But we never should have married in the first place.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 24 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,359,979 times
Reputation: 5382
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia
I believe practicaly everybody who gets married does so with serious intentions. The idea that people divorce for frivolous reasons is a myth. A few outliers do, the type who get drunk and wake up married or are named Britney Spears, but pretty much everybody else marries with the intention of staying together. It's not easy to divorce. In my state, Illinois, a couple has to live apart for at least two years, although a judge may allow separation of at least six months. There is no "Oh, I'll just pop down to the courthouse and get a divorce." An amicable divorce takes several months, and a contested divorce can take years. My uncle's took four years.
oh wow, I didn't realize divorce was that complicated. Still, I'd have a difficult time wanting to date a man that was truly seperated waiting for the divorce to be final.
oh wow, I didn't realize divorce was that complicated. Still, I'd have a difficult time wanting to date a man that was truly seperated waiting for the divorce to be final.
I would too. My sister-in-law recently dated a guy who was separated from his crazy wife. He told my sis all about what a nut she was and that his divorce was in the works. The ex found out he was dating and threatened suicide, so he trottted back to her. No more divorce ... they're in luuuuuuuuv.
This question is ultimately unknowable....... it varies with each couple....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
