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You need to find a women's shelter and go there for help. People with experience may be able to assist you in finding a way to separate yourself from this man. You and your mom might need to file a restraining order to keep him away, since he's now dangerous.
If you love him, tell him to get himself into a treatment program and stop drinking and doing drugs.
You can't just wait for him to die or go to prison, which are the most likely scenarios.
You need to get a better education so you can find a decent job. There's no other way.
If he is your boyfriend, and not your husband, you can work and get money whenever you want. It is not like you are legally bound to him. And if he threatens to take away the kid, LET HIM. THERE ISN'T JACKSH#T THAT HE CAN DO. Since he has a DUI, you can use that against him in court. Also, if he beats and abuses you, well, you can use that as well. You are young, and he is using your naivety/lack of experience/anxiety/to get one over on you. Trust me, he ain't getting that baby.
You need to leave the relationship. If you can move back in with your parents (or other relatives), get a job, continue your education, then do that. Yes, it will be hard because you have to think of the baby now and find childcare, but it is doable. It may take you a long time to do it, but trust me it is worth it. You don't want your son to be raised around an abusive person. I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. Normally, I don't care for him that much, but he said something that I think is good and fits the situation. He said he talked with adults/children whose parents stayed together in an abusive relationship, and those people hated it. They felt as if they were robbed of their childhood and that it is "better to be from a broken home than to stay living in one".
Please reach out to relatives or a safe house or something. That man isn't doing anything but dragging down your life.
Trust me, leaving a violent, unstable abuser will be the best thing you could ever do in your life. You will feel free and alive and truly happy. You will experience a deep peace of mind and you will be empowered to live the life you really want for you and your son.
Go to a women's refuge and allow them to help you over the hump. They have all kinds of resources and are an enormous support for the initial leaving period.
And you know how I know all of this? Because I've been there.
I don't need reasons why I should leave him, I know I have every reason to. I see a pattern in his behavior and know that it will not change. I love my son more than anything, dying for him wouldn't be enough. I do live with my mother whom knows everything about this situation. She has been a beautiful source of support and advice through the two years I've been with him and has said many times over the exact same thing all of you are.
What I suppose I'm looking for, is someone to tell me how to stay away for good. How to cope with the loss of him.
I don't need reasons why I should leave him, I know I have every reason to. I see a pattern in his behavior and know that it will not change. I love my son more than anything, dying for him wouldn't be enough. I do live with my mother whom knows everything about this situation. She has been a beautiful source of support and advice through the two years I've been with him and has said many times over the exact same thing all of you are.
What I suppose I'm looking for, is someone to tell me how to stay away for good. How to cope with the loss of him.
You said you'd die for your son, will you live for him? That's how you stay away. Never mind how you feel or what you think he can do for you, you need to keep him away from your son. Your boy deserves better.
As for coping, time heals.
You should keep a log of everything this man does. Support paid, violent outbursts, threats against you or the child and any visitation. If he comes after you for custody you'll have all the details on hand to fight him. Leave emotions and opinions out of it, just write down the facts. Example: "X was angry I would not buy him beer and threw a bottle that nearly hit the baby. He did not appear remorseful."
What I suppose I'm looking for, is someone to tell me how to stay away for good. How to cope with the loss of him.
You use your willpower. There's no magical secret or formula for escaping. You set your mind to do it and you follow through with support from other people. All you can do is take one day at a time. Eventually you'll find your happiness again and he will become a mistake you made in your life.
I was 16 when I met my boyfriend who was 19 at the time. He was really charming and funny and everything I could've asked for. It was an instant connection. Exactly like you, I wound up getting caught up in his messy life. He was a drug addict; violently paranoid and jealous. There was a history of sexual abuse and god knows what else. I thought he was just a broken soul -- someone I could fix -- but I was sorely mistaken. It started with little things. He would call me names whenever I did something he felt was inappropriate. I didn't let the insults get to me. Then he started pushing me. I brushed it off as an emotional outburst. Then started he grabbing my wrists and twisting as hard as he could. I told myself he didn't mean it. Eventually, he started pulling my hair and screaming over and over again why I made him do these things. He was obviously emotionally and mentally unstable. He threatened to commit suicide more times than I can count.
I got caught up with stupid things, too. I smoked weed for the first time with him. I tried other drugs, mostly prescription, which he provided and convinced me was a good idea. My senior year of high school, after being in honours for nearly 4 years, ended with a mediocre average. I stopped caring about school, my family and friends. He isolated me from everyone because he was so afraid of losing me. It was the most dysfunctional relationship you could imagine.
It wasn't until two months ago, now 18, that I put an end to it. He did something that I simply could not forgive. If I would've stayed, I'm sure our stories would be mirroring each other. I probably would've ended up pregnant within the year, been forced to drop out of college and get on a welfare program. I would've thrown my entire life away for this boy.
You can't help him. People who are damaged the way he is -- the way your boyfriend is -- will never change. Get out while you still can. He won't just stop. People don't stop being violent and angry. They escalate.
There is no happy ending to this. Do yourself a favour. From someone who has lived your story -- run as fast as you can.
I was 16 when I met my boyfriend who was 19 at the time. He was really charming and funny and everything I could've asked for. It was an instant connection. Exactly like you, I wound up getting caught up in his messy life. He was a drug addict; violently paranoid and jealous. There was a history of sexual abuse and god knows what else. I thought he was just a broken soul -- someone I could fix -- but I was sorely mistaken. It started with little things. He would call me names whenever I did something he felt was inappropriate. I didn't let the insults get to me. Then he started pushing me. I brushed it off as an emotional outburst. Then started he grabbing my wrists and twisting as hard as he could. I told myself he didn't mean it. Eventually, he started pulling my hair and screaming over and over again why I made him do these things. He was obviously emotionally and mentally unstable. He threatened to commit suicide more times than I can count.
I got caught up with stupid things, too. I smoked weed for the first time with him. I tried other drugs, mostly prescription, which he provided and convinced me was a good idea. My senior year of high school, after being in honours for nearly 4 years, ended with a mediocre average. I stopped caring about school, my family and friends. He isolated me from everyone because he was so afraid of losing me. It was the most dysfunctional relationship you could imagine.
It wasn't until two months ago, now 18, that I put an end to it. He did something that I simply could not forgive. If I would've stayed, I'm sure our stories would be mirroring each other. I probably would've ended up pregnant within the year, been forced to drop out of college and get on a welfare program. I would've thrown my entire life away for this boy.
You can't help him. People who are damaged the way he is -- the way your boyfriend is -- will never change. Get out while you still can. He won't just stop. People don't stop being violent and angry. They escalate.
There is no happy ending to this. Do yourself a favour. From someone who has lived your story -- run as fast as you can.
This is abuse. There are shelters in most every town for women who are victims of abuse. You need get away with your child now. Not tomorrow now. Do not tell this abuser where you are going. Ask your grandparents and any family for help. You need get a restraining order against this man filed also, but after you are out. You and your child are in a dangerous situation...lie your ass off to this guy to get away and get out now. Nothing is worth the safety of your child or you. This guy is crazy, you can not reason with crazy. Take care if your child & yourself. Be strong.
It's a long story, but the short version is that he lied about something. I got thrown out of our apartment because of it and I had to sleep at a bus station until my mom sent me some money. That was the final straw.
it only took me being homeless to realize I was making a mistake lol
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