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My boyfriend comes from a pretty big family. Its his mom and dad, four older sisters and one younger brother. I don't have a issue with his dad he is nothing but respectful to me when I am around he talks to me and makes me feel very welcomed.
His mom pretty much ignores my existence, so I have learned to do the same to her.. I know that's not mature but its better then me being rude to her. I say thank you after dinner and that's about as much talking as we do. She goes behind my back talking to my boyfriend about how he is spending to much money on me or to much time with me. How he has responsibility at his house. I understand that but it isn't his responsibility to take care of his whole family and pay for all there stuff.
his 2nd oldest sister is for lack of a better way to describe her over-dramatic and manipulative. Her issues with me started before she even met me. Her and her brother are very close and when we started dating it pulled him away from her a little bit. I understand how that can be a little upsetting, But siblings grow up and start there own life's right? She ignores me presence, talks bad about me behind my back to her whole family and yells at him about anything I do. She expects my boyfriend to help her pay her bills and do whatever she needs him for the second she needs it and if he doesn't she screams at him and starts a big fight with the whole family, she does this every time anyone things don't go her way. She is constantly complaining about how hard her life it and how no one cares about her. When my boyfriend does nothing but try and make her happy.
His youngest older sister is nothing but rude to me all the time. When I walk in the house behind her brother she tells me I should knock on the door. If I stay longer then she likes she looks at me and says what are you still doing here or if i come over when she doesn't want she looks at me and goes what are you doing here or why are you always here. She makes all sorts of rude and snide comments at me all the time and all i ever do is ignore her, Because I don't want to cause problems.
Things have only gotten worse, I had one of my ovaries removed four weeks ago. Well three hours after my surgery both these sisters can to visit me. The 2nd oldest went to the cafeteria with my boyfriend(her brother), the second they left the youngest sister started talking crap about her family and pretty much goat-ting my mom and sister who she was meeting for the first time. well my sister has autism and fell for it. Which caused all sorts of drama once they left.. because they proceeded to text my boyfriend yelling at him and talking crap about me and my mom and sister. This led to a big fight between me and him, he knows my sister has autism and my mom never said a bad word while they were there.
My boyfriend ended up leaving the hospital during our fight to go and calm his sister down along with his mom, Because they couldn't wait to tell her. To add insult to injury I had a miscarriage with my boyfriends baby 8 months before this and It was still pretty rough on me so loosing a ovary wasn't a easy thing to deal with. He knows how hard the miscarriage was on me and loosing my ovary and his sisters know about the miscarriage. At this point I was ready to be done with all of them boyfriend included but I couldn't because I love him with everything I have.
Anytime we try to make a bigger commitment to each-other these two sisters and his mom freak out, cause a huge drama scene and cause a fight between us. Something as little as getting a cell phone plan together caused a all day fight. I just don't know what to do anymore.. they are physically and mentally affecting my health.. I have what my family likes to call the three A's it stands for Asthma, Allergy's an Anxiety.. all three of these act up the second I walk into his parents house where they all live.. His parents are chain smoker so my asthma asks up, they have lots of dogs so my allergy's act up because the house smells like dog and dog pee, my anxiety because of his sisters and mom.
I've told him I don't want to go there and he say OK but will then beg me to go with him when his mom wants him to come home for dinner and I always cave because I want to make him happy. I just want him to understand that he doesn't have to be his family's support system. every single one of them is a grown adult. I want to find a way to talk to him about all this that wont lead to us screaming and fighting. I see him trying to change it but his sister throw a fit. Please help.
Last edited by adelinemn; 02-22-2015 at 12:37 AM..
Reason: Suggestions to make paragraphs and edit, I hope this is better.
Well, it sounds terrible. There's no way this will end, I'm afraid, because the whole family sounds sick.
If you and your boyfriend don't move away and cut ties with them, you may be dealing with this forever.
At a minimum, you should stop going to their house. If your boyfriend doesn't support and protect you from his mom and sisters, you might be happier in the long run telling him good bye, too.
My boyfriend comes from a pretty big family. Its his mom and dad, four older sisters and one younger brother. I don't have a issue with his dad he is nothing but respectful to me when I am around he talks to me and makes me feel very welcomed.
His mom pretty much ignores my existence, so I have learned to do the same to her.. I know that's not mature but its better then me being rude to her. I say thank you after dinner and that's about as much talking as we do. She goes behind my back talking to my boyfriend about how he is spending to much money on me or to much time with me. How he has responsibility at his house. I understand that but it isn't his responsibility to take care of his whole family and pay for all there stuff.
his 2nd oldest sister is for lack of a better way to describe her over-dramatic and manipulative. Her issues with me started before she even met me. Her and her brother are very close and when we started dating it pulled him away from her a little bit. I understand how that can be a little upsetting, But siblings grow up and start there own life's right? She ignores me presence, talks bad about me behind my back to her whole family and yells at him about anything I do. She expects my boyfriend to help her pay her bills and do whatever she needs him for the second she needs it and if he doesn't she screams at him and starts a big fight with the whole family, she does this every time anyone things don't go her way. She is constantly complaining about how hard her life it and how no one cares about her. When my boyfriend does nothing but try and make her happy.
His youngest older sister is nothing but rude to me all the time. When I walk in the house behind her brother she tells me I should knock on the door. If I stay longer then she likes she looks at me and says what are you still doing here or if i come over when she doesn't want she looks at me and goes what are you doing here or why are you always here. She makes all sorts of rude and snide comments at me all the time and all i ever do is ignore her, Because I don't want to cause problems.
Things have only gotten worse, I had one of my ovaries removed four weeks ago. Well three hours after my surgery both these sisters can to visit me. The 2nd oldest went to the cafeteria with my boyfriend(her brother), the second they left the youngest sister started talking crap about her family and pretty much goat-ting my mom and sister who she was meeting for the first time. well my sister has autism and fell for it. Which caused all sorts of drama once they left.. because they proceeded to text my boyfriend yelling at him and talking crap about me and my mom and sister. This led to a big fight between me and him, he knows my sister has autism and my mom never said a bad word while they were there.
My boyfriend ended up leaving the hospital during our fight to go and calm his sister down along with his mom, Because they couldn't wait to tell her. To add insult to injury I had a miscarriage with my boyfriends baby 8 months before this and It was still pretty rough on me so loosing a ovary wasn't a easy thing to deal with. He knows how hard the miscarriage was on me and loosing my ovary and his sisters know about the miscarriage. At this point I was ready to be done with all of them boyfriend included but I couldn't because I love him with everything I have.
Anytime we try to make a bigger commitment to each-other these two sisters and his mom freak out, cause a huge drama scene and cause a fight between us. Something as little as getting a cell phone plan together caused a all day fight. I just don't know what to do anymore.. they are physically and mentally affecting my health.. I have what my family likes to call the three A's it stands for Asthma, Allergy's an Anxiety.. all three of these act up the second I walk into his parents house where they all live.. His parents are chain smoker so my asthma asks up, they have lots of dogs so my allergy's act up because the house smells like dog and dog pee, my anxiety because of his sisters and mom.
I've told him I don't want to go there and he say OK but will then beg me to go with him when his mom wants him to come home for dinner and I always cave because I want to make him happy. I just want him to understand that he doesn't have to be his family's support system. every single one of them is a grown adult. I want to find a way to talk to him about all this that wont lead to us screaming and fighting. I see him trying to change it but his sister throw a fit. Please help.
Didn't read all this stuff but love to reply to it making this thread longer.
Listen, you are not married right? Run! This will only get worse then you will be in trouble if you're married.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,146,559 times
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Blood is thicker than water. What about your family? You havent discussed how your family treats him when they invite him to dinner - they do invite him dont they? Was it automatic love from them the minute they met him?
Anyways, he obviously loves his family, faults and all. He sounds like he loves you, faults and all, or you probably wouldnt still be apart of his life if his family truely dislikes you.
They arent bad enough people for him to loose concern for them and just exit their lives apparently. If you love him, you might just have to love his family too.
You want everyone to love and accept you and your autistic sister, but for you to accept them they need to do what?
Get rid of their dogs, clean their nasty-to-you home, and act like the life of the party just showed up whenever you come around?
Love is more about the things we accept (graciously tolerate) to be with someone. His family is obviously graciously tolerating you, or they wouldnt keep allowing you to come to dinner - wouldnt you think?
Last edited by ConeyGirl52; 02-22-2015 at 06:29 AM..
Don't go over there anymore. If your bf begs you to go, tell him that No, you're done with the bs and the drama. They will of course talk bad about you for not being there, BUT, they always do that anyways, so what's the difference?? The difference is that at least you don't have to be there putting up with it.
Whenever anything comes up where you know they will be, don't go. And don't feel bad about it because you're the boss of you. Not them and not your bf. Tell him that you've given them more than enough time to cut their shenanigans but they have chosen to continue being mean and hurtful with their words and actions, so you're DONE with them. Period end of story. If he complains about it, tell him that if the situation were reversed that you would not be guilting him into going somewhere where he is treated like such an unwelcome outsider during the entire visit.
You need to stand up for yourself. Don't be a spineless jellyfish like your boyfriend is. Someone has to have some stones in this relationship cause clearly his are in his mom's purse and likely will be for eternity. You may want to reevaluate whether you actually want to be in this relationship cause if you get married these problems with his family will never go away. They will get worse. And if you have kids? Forget about it. His family is toxic and will destroy your kids, you can bet on it.
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