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I think the language of the OP in this thread implies it though, which is what is generating the replies. When, from the first post, he is advocating all men abandon online dating it is not a stretch to assume he is building a case to show online dating has zero chance to work.
They probably deleted their profiles because they met someone, of course.
Dating isn't a financial transaction. If they look at it that way, then yeah, those people won't have any success.
Baahaha. Because they met someone, sure.
The return on investment was just a turn of phrase. Most guys I've talked to delete them because the 100 messages they write to get 2-3 responses isn't really worth it. Too much effort for not enough results.
I think the language of the OP in this thread implies it though, which is what is generating the replies. When, from the first post, he is advocating all men abandon online dating it is not a stretch to assume he is building a case to show online dating has zero chance to work.
I'd submit that people are skewing their replies towards a conclusion that they're inferring because they don't like the OP's post. Obviously, the suggestion itself is extreme and stems from frustration at what he feels is a disadvantage, but I think it WOULD be a stretch to suggest that online dating doesn't work at all.
He's obviously free to correct me here if I'm wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure that's not where he's going.
People who don't forsee a possibility of a decent return on investment quit.
Investment in what though?
A couple hours of time to set up the profile and maybe (maybe) 10 minutes per day looking for new matches? Find a match, spend 5 minutes or so writing a message?
I'll tell you most guy's issues -- they aren't picky enough. If it has a cute face, two boobs and a vagina, they'll message them. A few of my buddies and I have talked about our experiences -- yeah, their pray and spray gets them a few initial dates, but they rarely go anywhere and most don't message back. There needs to be more than just looks.
If you're a smart guy, you'll look for similar interests and have a message about those traits. Helps to connect with them and could make for a lot more interesting conversation.
Online dating isn't the answer finding a relationship. It's just one of many different avenues.
A couple hours of time to set up the profile and maybe (maybe) 10 minutes per day looking for new matches? Find a match, spend 5 minutes or so writing a message?
I'll tell you most guy's issues -- they aren't picky enough. If it has a cute face, two boobs and a vagina, they'll message them. A few of my buddies and I have talked about our experiences -- yeah, their pray and spray gets them a few initial dates, but they rarely go anywhere and most don't message back. There needs to be more than just looks.
If you're a smart guy, you'll look for similar interests and have a message about those traits. Helps to connect with them and could make for a lot more interesting conversation.
Online dating isn't the answer finding a relationship. It's just one of many different avenues.
5 minutes or so X 100 in the hopes of getting 5-10 responses, half of which will fizzle, 2 or 3 that may lead to a meeting, maybe one 2nd date if he's lucky.
Men are wasting their time on OLD, and like I said, it would be awesome if we could get every man in America to abandon their profiles.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caverunner17
I'll tell you most guy's issues -- they aren't picky enough. If it has a cute face, two boobs and a vagina, they'll message them. A few of my buddies and I have talked about our experiences -- yeah, their pray and spray gets them a few initial dates, but they rarely go anywhere and most don't message back. There needs to be more than just looks.
Totally agree. They play the "its a numbers game" crud and just message and hope. Silliness. They're bound to fail. It was rare I messaged more than 1-2 a week when I was doing it. Even in major metro areas like Boston, SF, and Chicago where there were tens of thousands plus or minus 5 years of my age, it wouldn't be super common to find someone I wanted to actually reach out to where I also with what THEY were looking for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler
5 minutes or so X 100 in the hopes of getting 5-10 responses, half of which will fizzle, 2 or 3 that may lead to a meeting, maybe one 2nd date if he's lucky.
Men are wasting their time on OLD, and like I said, it would be awesome if we could get every man in America to abandon their profiles.
Those people are wasting their time. They do it wrong. It was uncommon I didn't get a response.
I had used online dating for some time in the past. I do not totally discount the potential results of the study, as I do feel that the men in online dating will send out more messages than they get back and that women in general will be far less likely to initially reach out to men. A study that tries to "show" this is likely nothing all that earth shattering to men (or women) who have used online dating. My wife will tell you that her experience was that she received a lot of messages as well, and hardly any were from people of the quality or substance that she would remotely want to communicate with. (Lots of solicitations for FWB situations actually).
My own thought is that online dating takes a LOT of investment by men, and women, to make work. How they invest is different. Men have to build a very good profile, which stands them out from a sea of profiles that all read them same. They have to really know themselves to do this, and write something that is genuine, true, not misleading, and will be taken as "interesting" by their target recipients. (Assuming they are looking for a certain type, personality, etc woman). Women on the other hand struggle to sift through the tons of messages they receive, reading the messages, profiles, and trying to identify men who fit their own interests before crafting well thought replies to that subset.
Frustration can easily set in, as it can become quickly overwhelming and seem like a search for a "needle in a haystack." It is likely why people give up on it. This can be made better through various kinds of work to better focus what is online, and narrowing down search criteria.
In my own experience, sticking with it some, learning about myself and what to look for in women I was looking at helped. I was able to increase the success rates of communicating back and forth some through this and reached a point where women would contact me first on there too (although to no extent that women would get contacted by men). I do not pretend to be the hottest guy in the room either (and I had a terrible picture online at a distance with a hat on that created a shadow obscuring my face).
What I am not sure about is why online dating gets vilified for this because I am not sure how this differs from other cold-approach dating situations. A bar full of random singles, speed dating, or whatever is still a numbers game of chance and luck in two people finding each other, having a mutual interest to go on a date, finding mutual chemistry, etc. In fact, IMO, online dating may have ONE leg up, as it gives a potential insight into the other person's personality, interests, intents, etc, before having to dedicate a whole date night to them. When the effort is put into online dating, it has some distinct advantages which can be taken advantage of and can improve chances.
Ultimately it is a tool for meeting people and acquiring dates. It is not the perfect tool some want it to be (or that it's own marketing makes it out to be), nor is it an "easier" tool which takes the effort out of meeting people, dating, and forming relationships. It is just a different, and additional medium that can be utilized and is to varying degrees of success.
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