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The examples you posted sound pretty extreme to me and I wouldn't waste my time answering those posts because I think if they are true, I am not equipped to give them advice. I was on a recovering alcoholics message board and some of the postings were so bizarre and downright nasty that the moderator ended up banning one person, who it turned out, had several different ID's and was posting damaging things and defeating the purpose of the boards being helpful to others who are serious and possibly chasing off people who needed help.
Good luck....(and I know I am not cut out to be a board moderator either, so I don't envy you; however thanks for all you do.)
Most of the "should I end this relationship" threads I have read here are so clearly cut and dry "YES!" answers that I think the only reason someone posts them is that they are in an abusive relationship and cannot break it off. Battered wives / stockholm syndrome type people who will find 1 NO reply in 1000 YES replies and use that as an excuse to stay in their crappy relationship
I do think when your living in a situation like that, and you have feelings for someone but are also being hurt by someone, you easily become confused. The poster is more than likely emotionally abused (if not just bruised). In their shoes, it is more than likely a very challenging mindset to try and make a clear and rational decision in. They have managed to come to a potential conclusion of ending things, but then, let the confusion and murky waters question their own conclusion. So they come for support and reinforcement of their decision to be sure their thinking is analytical and valid, based on the replies of others.
This is a good observation. People in abusive relationships tend to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome, psychologists have observed. Also, the younger they are, the more inexperienced, and the more in need of outside advice.
Yeah - I have noticed when I am the one that is looking on the outside of a relationship I would say heck no - get out of there!!! I was in an bad relationship in the past before I went to therapy and have to say I dealt with it for so long thinking I was in love and that was what mattered. If I would have heard someone else dealing with what I was dealing with, I would have told them to get out, but I wouldn't have done it myself (until the day that I was strong enough to say no thanks).
I do think of this possibility with some of the posters, because most people who post to ask for advice on very bad relationships are new members.
But, if they participate in the discussion, you can kind of tease out whether or not this is an actual problem for them (or someone else, if they are worried about another couple) and the charade cannot be kept up for long.
In truth, I try to just answer questions because we get a good many hits on Google from this site, and there could be a real person who wants to know if they should marry the guy who thinks he's a harp seal, no?
I agree.
I post to try to give them advice but some threads just seem so blatantly obvious that if they don't notice I think they are beyond salvation from us, and have to help themselves at that point.
When I think about it, most people are going to do what they want to do, and we can't give accurate advice if we don't know the full story. Only that person and the person they are with truly know what's going on in the relationship, which supports why I believe they will ultimately do what they have resolved to before even asking anyone.
I put it down to the fact the forum is rife with trolls. The genuine people seeking answers are usually stupid, in denial or so caught up in their crapfest of a life that they can't see their way out. There are far more idiots in this world than most of can ever imagine.
1. I get a good chuckle from more than half of these kinds of threads.
2. If these people sit around and can only think of these scenarios, they must not have great imaginations.
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