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No point in asking. He's not gonna say "well babe, it is just easier for us to bang at her place."
I wouldn't tolerate this in a relationship. It isn't appropriate and that's that.
It wouldn't sit well with me either.
If she asked him, she could gage his reaction a bit better. Either he'd have some legitimate reason or be fumbling his words all over the place. Most likely the latter.
C'mon. Don't be played a fool. Don't be willfully blind. He gets defensive when you ask him? Red flag. Put the big girl pants on and tell him what's up. It is not okay for him to spend the night at another woman's house for a project. Set boundaries. Reiterate expectations. He wants to throw a tantrum? Let him. If you aren't woman enough to stand up for yourself, men are going to be pulling the run-around on you for years to come.
I'm curious, has he given any explanation as to why they have to work at her home? That would be the question to get an answer to and you'd know quickly what the deal was.
He hasn't given any explanation as to why her home only that she called the shots as to when they can work on the project. I know this wasn't the first time he's been over there working with her. The first time he told me I brushed it off and didn't give it a second thought nor asking what time or how long will he be over there but something this last time - call it intuition or what have you but I just knew something wasn't right so I asked him how long he was at her home and he said he was there until around 10 pm. I was livid of course because right then and there all I could think of was that some hanky panky had gone on.
Funny you say state or university job because he works for a university. And yes it's about the same culture there too. Only thing is you have students to wonder about. I'm not going to drive myself insane about his actions. I only wanted an outlet to get some others perspective on this matter.
I worked at a university, and there was nothing like this going on between co-workers. Office supervisors tended not to allow coziness between co-workers. There were faculty members who tried to go after students (one got caught and fired, others didn't succeed, anyway), but no co-worker stuff. Honestly, it's rare that any co-workers would be the type to be interested in each other, anyway; most co-workers just aren't that interesting. This is a strange culture you live in. Are you in the US?
Oh, and one other thing, OP. Is this a public university? Because state universities generally don't allow overtime.They can't afford to pay for overtime. All employees are required to complete their tasks, projects, whatever, during their regularly-scheduled work hours, and if they can't, they're considered unfit for the job, and are let go.
Major red flag. Ask him why he was defensive. Tell him you are concerned about him being tempted to cheat on you. See how he reacts to that. You have not only to worry about the relationship, but your health if someone is sleeping around because they could get HPV, AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases so you deserve to be secure in knowing he is not exposing himself or you to that risk.
I worked at a university, and there was nothing like this going on between co-workers. Office supervisors tended not to allow coziness between co-workers. There were faculty members who tried to go after students (one got caught and fired, others didn't succeed, anyway), but no co-worker stuff. Honestly, it's rare that any co-workers would be the type to be interested in each other, anyway; most co-workers just aren't that interesting. This is a strange culture you live in. Are you in the US?
Oh, and one other thing, OP. Is this a public university? Because state universities generally don't allow overtime.They can't afford to pay for overtime. All employees are required to complete their tasks, projects, whatever, on during their regularly-scheduled work hours, and if they can't, they're considered unfit for the job, and are let go.
Yes I'm in the USA and do you know that at harvard professors can now no longer date students? Trust there are many tryst going on even in universities amongst faculty/staff. It's discouraged but not against any rules for some places. And what does aren't that interesting have to do with it? Looks are just that. That's where the misconception come in. Just because the person does not fit the "look" they must not be capable of doing anything like crossing the line. Most of the time they are the very ones crossing the line.
He hasn't given any explanation as to why her home only that she called the shots as to when they can work on the project. I know this wasn't the first time he's been over there working with her. The first time he told me I brushed it off and didn't give it a second thought nor asking what time or how long will he be over there but something this last time - call it intuition or what have you but I just knew something wasn't right so I asked him how long he was at her home and he said he was there until around 10 pm. I was livid of course because right then and there all I could think of was that some hanky panky had gone on.
Okay, so he never really answered the question, which of course isn't a good sign. Doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating yet, but sounds like this woman has a plan and he's acting oblivious to it so he doesn't look like the bad guy.
I'd move on from him before the seminar so you don't have to spend that weekend with anxiety over it.
I worked at a university, and there was nothing like this going on between co-workers. Office supervisors tended not to allow coziness between co-workers. There were faculty members who tried to go after students (one got caught and fired, others didn't succeed, anyway), but no co-worker stuff. Honestly, it's rare that any co-workers would be the type to be interested in each other, anyway; most co-workers just aren't that interesting. This is a strange culture you live in. Are you in the US?
Oh, and one other thing, OP. Is this a public university? Because state universities generally don't allow overtime.They can't afford to pay for overtime. All employees are required to complete their tasks, projects, whatever, during their regularly-scheduled work hours, and if they can't, they're considered unfit for the job, and are let go.
Yes it's a public university. Now you have me thinking over here. So you mean to tell me they are prohibited to work beyond normal school hours?
Late at night, at another woman's home, and this has been going on for a while, and may continue in the foreseeable future? For a work project? No way. I don't believe that's all that's going on.
I would not be able to deal with that situation.
You are his girlfriend, so he should take your feelings into consideration and try to reassure you that nothing is going on by having these meetings at his home with you there, or taking you along when he goes to her home. Personally, I would insist that they meet at his home (with me there).
He can also ask not to be paired up with her for more projects. Someone I knew did this. He was paired up with an attractive woman with whom he'd have to spend lots of time alone. He told his supervisor that he didn't want to work with her because he was married and did not want to fall into temptation, and because he did not want to upset his wife. The supervisor had them work with different people.
If your boyfriend refuses to respect your feelings about this, I think you should walk away.
Yes it's a public university. Now you have me thinking over here. So you mean to tell me they are prohibited to work beyond normal school hours?
As a former student worker, we were off on the dot and overtime/working off the clock did not exist. You've gotten your answer 50 times already. Accept it and confront him or leave.
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