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An ex-boyfriend snooped through my things once when I wasnt at home and read my journals. Total invasion of privacy. He confessed that once he started reading them he just couldn't put them down. He found them rivoting, apparantly.
That's what my wife did too. My trust in her was shattered as she made copies and shared parts to others. Yeah.
I actually used a journal for therapy to handle life with her believe it or not. I coped with penning down things rather then to blow up at individuals. It helped me look back and see certain things that took place that didn't make sense but later on it did. This was locked on a computer in which she hacked into somehow.
I have journals dating back for about twenty years, and I couldn't care less if anybody were to read them, though why they would want to is beyond me. It would become apparent pretty early on that they're pretty self-indulgent and in no way salacious. When I think about people snooping and breaches of privacy, my journals don't even enter my mind. They're actually sitting right out in the open on a shelf.
People are naturally nosy. Why else would anyone care what goes on in celebrities' lives. Add to that the fact that people have so much trouble communicating, and you've got your answer.
can't speak for anyone else, but I snooped b/c he kept denying it and telling me I was imagining it. He was so good at doing so, that he went to my friends, and convinced them....all except for my cousin.....however, it was extremely painful to admit to myself that he was doing so...didn't want to believe it....
Finally, Finally I caught him with the other woman, the last one, and he married her....and then that was it for me....he had me going to counselors, he took me on a trip to Niagara Falls, and all the while he was seeing her, and kept telling me he wasn't doing anything.....
I swear it was the most God awful time, b/c, he played the role so good, and everyone believed him....
and the odd part is, he was hanging out at the bar where I caught him with her...and even after I caught him with her, he kept calling me....really had to get nasty with him....
She must really be a nice woman, because it's been 18 years and they are still together...plus, his mother is now living with them, so I am guessing, he's very good at deception by now....but I really feel sorry for her, b/c nothing I did was right, he found every reason to run me down...but the hard part was some very good friends went against me, and he probably told them the same things he told me about his ex. She was always no good, until after we were married, and then he said, "oh, she was a good person, it was me", and I like gasped to myself.
Oh yeah I saw flags....I'm so thankful to be rid of him, but actually feel very sorry for her...b/c he will and can drive her crazy....even his sister told me that....she said, "Get out of there before he drives you crazy". Deep down he is a very mean controlling person. But everyone who knows him, thinks he is wonderful....b/c he donates a lot of time to community projects and such....guess that is his way of feeling good about himself....
but I so didn't want to fail....really loved being a wife at that time....and it almost killed me to find out he was running around....but the snooping was to validate it...in my own mind....all the signs were there, but I had to know for certain....even my neighbor tried to follow him once, but lost him....
You hope you don't find what you think you might find. Call it peace of mind.
I never snooped in my ex husbands phone because I had no reason to feel insecure.
I never snooped in my ex bfs phone but I should have. Could have saved lots of time and dump him.
I have not snooped in my current bfs phone and I have no reason to because he is very open about whom he talks to. However, the devil in me tells me to see if he is really that PURE. I hope I can resist the urge.
People within the parameters of a romantic relationship are entitled to the truth. If their partner does not provide them with the truth and/or is manipulating, deceiving and cheating, then the other party has a moral and ethical obligation to themselves to obtain the truth. I advise through any means necessary but for the sake of this post: through any means within the confines of the law.
There are a few reasons why a partner that is being lied to, and is a victim of cheating should work to find out the truth if and when they become suspicious.
01: Over 60% of all people within relationships (dating, engaged, married) cheat at least one time. So the likelihood that someone is cheating at any one point in time is high.
02: Nobody has the right to gain benefits from maintaining a primary relationship based on lies, deception and manipulation at the expense of the other party involved in the relationship. That is a form of fraud.
03: STDs - For one's own health, a person has a right to know if the person they are having sex with (in an assumed monogamous relationship) is also engaged in the same act with other people. Cheating and bringing a disease and/or diseases back into the primary relationship is a form of assault. It is an assault on the body of the partner that was monogamous and then has a disease due to the infidelity of the person they are with.
04: The concept of time. Time is a finite resource and once expended it cannot be reacquired. If someone (the monogamous partner) is actively investing their time, effort and resources into a relationship that is a façade and a charade due to the cheating behavior of the other party and they are doing so because they have been conned into thinking that the relationship is based on trust, intimacy and monogamy: then they by default have a right to find out if they are being used, abused and are victims of fraud perpetuated by the partner that is cheating.
To conclude. For a cheater to expect the person they are with to abstain from exercising their own rights, personal autonomy and ability to discern truth from lies is ridiculous. As human beings we have a right to access to the fundamental facts surrounding our own reality and to seek out truth when we feel we are being lied to. The cheater attempts to alter reality when he or she maintains the façade, charade and fraud that is the relationship while at the same time engaging in sexually intimate behavior with others.
Very good post. I agree 100 %
The only thing I would add is to use caution and an open mind so that when you read a text or email you don't misunderstand something and jump to conclusions before you know the whole story.
Because there is nothing as strong as hard evidence. In divorce, having this evidence can be absolutely vital. In dating, this person who cheated or whatever might actually slander your name to others (mad because they were busted, immature, etc.). Guess what you can do to stop it? Present the evidence. You can argue over if it is ethical or not to snoop, but it does have its merits and the liar/cheater brought it upon themselves.
99% of the time though, your gut will tell you if something is wrong and it'll likely be correct. Some call that paranoid, others call it being smart.
Because there is nothing as strong as hard evidence. In divorce, having this evidence can be absolutely vital. In dating, this person who cheated or whatever might actually slander your name to others (mad because they were busted, immature, etc.). Guess what you can do to stop it? Present the evidence. You can argue over if it is ethical or not to snoop, but it does have its merits and the liar/cheater brought it upon themselves.
99% of the time though, your gut will tell you if something is wrong and it'll likely be correct. Some call that paranoid, others call it being smart.
yeah, but I didn't want to listen to my gut, didn't want to believe I had chose wrong again....was really in love with that man at one time....but, unfortunately, he cheated on me from the very beginning...he is Italian/Hungarian, and his uncle told him, it was ok to do so, as long as you treated your wife well, gave her everything....and yanno what he yelled at me...."I gave you everything you wanted". Which in his mind justified his disloyalty.
You snoop b/c they keep lying to you, and your gut feeling is that he was, but you had to be sure....
He would leave for work very early in the morning, and yet, the hours on his paycheck were not in sync.
It was the most God Awful time....and I should have known, b/c he did the same things with me, with his wife....she and I spoke at one time, and honestly thought she was trying to be mean and was making up stories, she was not.
Everything had to be his way....however, his new wife's ex, is a huge man, and together, they had daughters....and he loves his daughters very much...so if my ex, did anything to ever hurt those girls, I'm certain, now, he'd have to contend with his wife's ex, b/c they are friends, which is a good thing and might keep him in toe. However, 2 years ago, he did call me again, and I made it known, if he ever did so ever again, I'd tell his wife, his mother and his sister....
I don't hate him b/c he cheated on me and left me for someone else....I hate what he did with some friends of mine....trying to turn them against me, and make me out to be going thru mentopause....that to this day, is still extremely hurtful. They were my friends before him....and I just cannot believe they chose him...although, they all hunt and fish.....I worked with them side by side, and loved them dearly....it was good that I moved away....that is a hurt, I've not ever healed from....
Anyway, that is why you snoop, b/c you have to see it sometimes with your own eyes....
when I'd tell people, I thought he was running around, they'd say, "no not Chuck, he wouldn't do that!" HAH!!
So that gave me even more reason to snoop...I had to prove I wasn't imagining things....
Let me tell you, until you go thru something like this, you have no idea who you are married to....
Once I heard him on the phone, and he was running me down....that should have right there been a huge flag, b/c it was in the very beginning of our relationship.
And BTW, after I left him, he used to come after me, and pretend like he was so lost without me....you should have seen him acting....unbelievable, and yet, all that time, he was seeing this other woman....Wow....so so glad I refused to go back to him....
that is why some people snoop
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