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I admit...I am guilty of snooping. Not proud of it, cannot undo it.
My bf said all the time he was being faithful. However, his actions and sneaky behavior were telling me something was wrong.
These signs...
clicking out of a computer window when I would enter a room
turning his phone volume down and/or not answering certain incoming calls because he "didn't recognize the number"
turning his phone off when out of town visiting family and I am not with him
Staring prolongedly at other women in my presence to the point where he would tune me out completely, not even being able to repeat things I just told him.
"Scratching an itch" (as he put it) when attractive women would come on t.v.
Taking longer than normal to run errands
Having little if any regard for my concerns in other areas
Less or no interest in sex and the very few times there are different "positions" or "techniques" he has "learned"
Becoming less interested in spending time with me
on computer late at night
Phone numbers and/or other contact info such as apartment # (with no address or apartment name) alongwith a first name of a woman on scrap paper without any other info
Showers less when around me, more when going out and takes more time "grooming", dressing nicely, when going out, but not with me.
Deletes history on computer, has dating sites on cookies/history.. (one time I found where he went to match and when I clicked on it in his past history, it had "your last search was (date), your zip code (ours), you searched for women (ages 18-28) --or similar ; within (5 mls). He denied having gone there at all...says it could have been a pop up he accidentally clicked on
Goes on incognito on computer (hmmm...wonder why? LOL)
Vehicle reeks of 1970's perfume (my mom used to wear and I haven't smelled that scent in years) after he has used it and I don't wear perfume
Passenger seat is not in same position as I keep it in
The list can go on and on. Does any of it prove he is a cheater? No. Just proves I am a fool who has spent way too much time trying to "find something out" on the guy, when I should have gotten out before the snooping took place. All I did was become more and more obsessed with finding something which would validate my suspicions. I did find more and more "stuff" which made me feel worse and worse and I never actually found any 100% proof he was cheating. I know though for a fact that I have been 100% a fool for staying in a relationship which has tormented me for years as well as I felt the need to invade his privacy just to see if the guy is being honest with me. (I will point out that early in our relationship, he was the one who installed a webwatcher on my computer because his brother in law had a thing for me. I didn't reciprocate any at all with this person and in fact made my bf aware this man was making advances towards me!) Toxic, toxic, toxic (both sides --for him and for me). In the future, if I ever think about "snooping" again on a man, I am getting out of that relationship. Once I stoop to a snoop, it is over for me.
I admit...I am guilty of snooping. Not proud of it, cannot undo it.
My bf said all the time he was being faithful. However, his actions and sneaky behavior were telling me something was wrong.
These signs...
clicking out of a computer window when I would enter a room
turning his phone volume down and/or not answering certain incoming calls because he "didn't recognize the number"
turning his phone off when out of town visiting family and I am not with him
Staring prolongedly at other women in my presence to the point where he would tune me out completely, not even being able to repeat things I just told him.
"Scratching an itch" (as he put it) when attractive women would come on t.v.
Taking longer than normal to run errands
Having little if any regard for my concerns in other areas
Less or no interest in sex and the very few times there are different "positions" or "techniques" he has "learned"
Becoming less interested in spending time with me
on computer late at night
Phone numbers and/or other contact info such as apartment # (with no address or apartment name) alongwith a first name of a woman on scrap paper without any other info
Showers less when around me, more when going out and takes more time "grooming", dressing nicely, when going out, but not with me.
Deletes history on computer, has dating sites on cookies/history.. (one time I found where he went to match and when I clicked on it in his past history, it had "your last search was (date), your zip code (ours), you searched for women (ages 18-28) --or similar ; within (5 mls). He denied having gone there at all...says it could have been a pop up he accidentally clicked on
Goes on incognito on computer (hmmm...wonder why? LOL)
Vehicle reeks of 1970's perfume (my mom used to wear and I haven't smelled that scent in years) after he has used it and I don't wear perfume
Passenger seat is not in same position as I keep it in
The list can go on and on. Does any of it prove he is a cheater? No. Just proves I am a fool who has spent way too much time trying to "find something out" on the guy, when I should have gotten out before the snooping took place. All I did was become more and more obsessed with finding something which would validate my suspicions. I did find more and more "stuff" which made me feel worse and worse and I never actually found any 100% proof he was cheating. I know though for a fact that I have been 100% a fool for staying in a relationship which has tormented me for years as well as I felt the need to invade his privacy just to see if the guy is being honest with me. (I will point out that early in our relationship, he was the one who installed a webwatcher on my computer because his brother in law had a thing for me. I didn't reciprocate any at all with this person and in fact made my bf aware this man was making advances towards me!) Toxic, toxic, toxic (both sides --for him and for me). In the future, if I ever think about "snooping" again on a man, I am getting out of that relationship. Once I stoop to a snoop, it is over for me.
yeah, I'm so sorry you had to live like this....it is not a good place to be....however, after you calmed down, you have to work on yourself....and perhaps even go to counseling...to find out why you chose someone you so did not deserve....people don't do things for one reason, but for many....but be very careful you don't chose another like this...and to do so and accomplish you must self examine.
because we are ALL cheaters...some of us just haven't done it yet...many of us might never be in the right place at the right time with the right person, thus have never cheated, and will get all self righteous about it...but mark my words...we are all cheaters...at least capable of it
because we are ALL cheaters...some of us just haven't done it yet...many of us might never be in the right place at the right time with the right person, thus have never cheated, and will get all self righteous about it...but mark my words...we are all cheaters...at least capable of it
no, your wrong....not everyone would cheat on their mates....
How did you find out? You broke up with her just because you "sensed" she was cheating and nothing more?
First off, I was less than ideal of a boyfriend. For instance, I went on a Hawaiian Vacation for three weeks, and left my phone at home. When I returned, I didn't call her, and instead hung out with friends. That night she found me at my friend's place, and that was the start of the behavior changes. She stopped returning my phone calls. She used to answer and come over anytime I would call. When she went out with her friends, all night, it was such a change in behavior, I knew that she was on the hunt. I knew, because that's what I used to do. So after that weekend, I got in touch with her, and had her come to the house. Made dinner, and said that it was obviously not working, and that it was time to end things. She admitted that she hooked up with another guy, she met at a fraternity party...ironically, that's where I met her. I wasn't mad at her at all, I owned up to my behavior. It went really well, even got "one last one" in, and we said our goodbyes. Her new boyfriend never knew that the whole time they dated, that I got mine every couple of weeks. Over a year later we tried again, but I had to end it, we were not meant for each other. While we had a lot of fun, emotionally we couldn't really connect.
First off, I was less than ideal of a boyfriend. For instance, I went on a Hawaiian Vacation for three weeks, and left my phone at home. When I returned, I didn't call her, and instead hung out with friends. That night she found me at my friend's place, and that was the start of the behavior changes. She stopped returning my phone calls. She used to answer and come over anytime I would call. When she went out with her friends, all night, it was such a change in behavior, I knew that she was on the hunt. I knew, because that's what I used to do. So after that weekend, I got in touch with her, and had her come to the house. Made dinner, and said that it was obviously not working, and that it was time to end things. She admitted that she hooked up with another guy, she met at a fraternity party...ironically, that's where I met her. I wasn't mad at her at all, I owned up to my behavior. It went really well, even got "one last one" in, and we said our goodbyes. Her new boyfriend never knew that the whole time they dated, that I got mine every couple of weeks. Over a year later we tried again, but I had to end it, we were not meant for each other. While we had a lot of fun, emotionally we couldn't really connect.
Dear lord, this sounds exactly like a situation I was in back in the day. Same girl? lol
My lesson learned from college: don't date girls that hang around fraternities (I used to be in one for a couple of years).
because we are ALL cheaters...some of us just haven't done it yet...many of us might never be in the right place at the right time with the right person, thus have never cheated, and will get all self righteous about it...but mark my words...we are all cheaters...at least capable of it
I've never cheated, and I still agree. People like to think they are above such behavior, but it is simply naïve. Some people may not be attractive enough to be able to cheat so I'm sure they would disagree lol
I've never cheated, and I still agree. People like to think they are above such behavior, but it is simply naïve. Some people may not be attractive enough to be able to cheat so I'm sure they would disagree lol
Just a silly statement. Ugly people cheat all the time.
no, your wrong....not everyone would cheat on their mates....
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobSeeker101
I've never cheated, and I still agree. People like to think they are above such behavior, but it is simply naïve. Some people may not be attractive enough to be able to cheat so I'm sure they would disagree lol
cremebrulee: can you honestly say you can NOT come up with a scenario where you WOULD cheat?
I could...and trust me my scenario would never happen...if I cheated and my marriage ended, I become a 1/2 time dad, I lose 1/2 my stuff...I ask myself what would HAVE to happen for me to risk this, risk hurting my family, my kids...and yes I could come up with a scenario involving Kate Upton, Salma Hayek, lol...but you get my point...people are holier than though but everyone has their scenario
my buddy got caught, was forgiven after a year of hell...and like an alcoholic he recognizes he has issues and doesn't put himself in situations that get him In trouble (no more bars, lunches with female coworkers etc)...he is a recovering cheater and knows he could do it again
I bet if we looked at all of our friends and families, and could somehow see who was cheating, or had cheated and never gotten caught, most of us would be horrified...whether its one night stands, a momentary screw up, or an affair...hell could be just inappropriate texting/emails...for every person we know who has gotten caught I bet there are many who have and not gotten caught
Dear lord, this sounds exactly like a situation I was in back in the day. Same girl? lol
My lesson learned from college: don't date girls that hang around fraternities (I used to be in one for a couple of years).
Maybe, if her name was Beth, and she was 5'8" sandy blond hair, mid back, about 115lbs, went to Stanford.
Side note: Don't date females who hang around Fraternities and end up with a collection of name tags each sat morning. We had a sun deck on the roof of the house, with access through my room. I once went up and found 6 different name tags with the name Kim on it! lol
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