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Gladly don't have this issue but I want your opinion.
Who comes first in your opinion?
1, Let's say your mother had to move into your home with you and your significant other for whatever reason...your girl and your mother clash a lot, and your girl tells you that she doesn't want your mother living there, what do you do?
2. Conversely, your mother hates your spouse and says she doesn't think she can part of your life if your current wife/fiancé/live in gf is in it, what do you do?
3. Your spouse wants to name the baby you and Her just had together, Bob. You're okay with the name but your mother doesn't want a grandson named Bob for whatever reason..do you name your kid Bob or respect your mothers wishes?
For me, mother always comes first. Even if she is 100% wrong, I still have the utmost respect for her opinion and will put her needs above anyone else besides my own children (it would probably be equal, but me and my fiancé have no kids yet so I don't know hoe exactly I will feel). Way I look it at it, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't even exist so she always needs to be treated with deference.
1. In that situation, I would tell my spouse to either learn to love and respect her, or move out. Be thankful for her if you love me because she is the only reason why I was alive to fall in live with,
2. I would see if I could make it work and endear them to each other but if not then I would wind up breaking up with the girl. There is billions of women in this world so likelihood is I can find someone deemed acceptable to replace then significant other, you can't replsce your parentsx
3. In that situation, I would insist that we find another name besides Bob and respect my mothers wishes.
I'm very glad I'm in a situation where both my mother and my fiancé love each ofher, but my girl definitely knows they at the end of the day my mother will be choice number one and she will be choice two..she actually thinks its a good trait to be respectful of your parents rules and wishes even when you aren't obligated to anymore like you were as a minor.
Ladies, you can answer this by replacing "'mother"' to "father" and "girlfriend/wife" to "boyfriend/husband"
My husband or serious boyfriend would come 1st. The man I have a sexual relation with would know me better than my parents, and know me in ways my parents never would. So that already creates more emotional intimacy. I love my parents. But a spouse, imo comes before parents and other family. Then with children involved, something that was a creation of you and your SO should bond you even more. Sappy as it sounds.
I see no issues. My mother loves my father more than me. She's agreed to that. And vise-verse, but I don't have issues with it, as I could see why. My mother can't even talk about sex with me. But she can do it with my father. So chances are, there's tons of other things about one another they know and I don't and anything they can discuss that they can't with me. I think for them it goes Spouse > Children > Parents.
There just seems to be a closeness among spouses or SO that comes over parents. But equal respect is important. I wouldn't want a SO to disrespect my parents, and reverse, I wouldn't want my parents disrespecting my SO. They don't have to love each other. Just be respectful. But I won't side with either party that I think is wrong. If it's my parents who are wrong, I won't side with them on it. Same for a SO.
But this is just my personal belief. It's a matter of priorities and people will have different ones. And sometimes different priorities and beliefs just clash for relationships. My personal beliefs are spouse > parents. And I would like a SO who felt the same. If he doesn't, we're just not a match.
1) I wouldn't be putting two people in my house who couldn't get along outside of a live in situation. I would side with no one and put my mother up in a different location.
My mother = my problem
2) Tell her to get a grip and start acting with a little respect for her children. She doesn't have to like people but she can damn sure get along with them. It's her choice at the end of the day to spit venom and vile over keeping a level head and perspective.
The same thing we where all taught being raised by her.
3) My mother can have another child if she wants to start randomly naming babies, unless there was some significance to the name and the reasoning was logical for the request, it's not going to hold much weight with me.
It's not about siding with one over the other. It's about being reasonable and NOT holding one over they other in a patriarchal dichotomy. Everyone shares the same importance in my life, that's why they are invovled in it.
Last edited by rego00123; 03-05-2015 at 12:07 AM..
It's a parent's responsibility to raise a child to be the best human they can be. Once that child leaves the home, their influence should be less of an impact. I think that people who allow their parents to dictate their lives, after the age of 20, are seriously hindering their child's ability to lead their own life. It's as if they never want to let go. I have two friend's who allow their mother's to influence their choices in women. No woman can compare to their mothers. SMH, I ask them if it was hard to wean off breast milk when they were in grade school! Momma's boys who can't keep a woman....lol
Parents have no right to be the final judge on the name of a couple's child...zero rights to that choice
Mother's do not have the right to make a SO uncomfortable, it's their job to actually get along. If my mother did that, I would tell her to back off. I have had to do that, because she was pretty opinionated about my choices of women. Had to tell her that the reason I didn't visit, was because I didn't want to listen to her opinions.
If my mother had to move into my home, with my SO, and she didn't like my SO...she better learn to like her, or I'd send her to my brother or sisters place. If that wasn't an option, off to the old folks home. Just because she gave birth to me, doesn't give her the right to run my life....no one deserves that except for me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what my parents did for me, but if you are 30+ and your mother still treats you like you are 14, you better sack up, and let her know that her lil boy is all grown up...and to BTFU!
Gladly don't have this issue but I want your opinion.
Who comes first in your opinion?
1, Let's say your mother had to move into your home with you and your significant other for whatever reason...your girl and your mother clash a lot, and your girl tells you that she doesn't want your mother living there, what do you do?
2. Conversely, your mother hates your spouse and says she doesn't think she can part of your life if your current wife/fiancé/live in gf is in it, what do you do?
3. Your spouse wants to name the baby you and Her just had together, Bob. You're okay with the name but your mother doesn't want a grandson named Bob for whatever reason..do you name your kid Bob or respect your mothers wishes?
For me, mother always comes first. Even if she is 100% wrong, I still have the utmost respect for her opinion and will put her needs above anyone else besides my own children (it would probably be equal, but me and my fiancé have no kids yet so I don't know hoe exactly I will feel). Way I look it at it, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't even exist so she always needs to be treated with deference.
1. In that situation, I would tell my spouse to either learn to love and respect her, or move out. Be thankful for her if you love me because she is the only reason why I was alive to fall in live with,
2. I would see if I could make it work and endear them to each other but if not then I would wind up breaking up with the girl. There is billions of women in this world so likelihood is I can find someone deemed acceptable to replace then significant other, you can't replsce your parentsx
3. In that situation, I would insist that we find another name besides Bob and respect my mothers wishes.
I'm very glad I'm in a situation where both my mother and my fiancé love each ofher, but my girl definitely knows they at the end of the day my mother will be choice number one and she will be choice two..she actually thinks its a good trait to be respectful of your parents rules and wishes even when you aren't obligated to anymore like you were as a minor.
Ladies, you can answer this by replacing "'mother"' to "father" and "girlfriend/wife" to "boyfriend/husband"
Thanks!
I don't think it would ever go that far. My mother would be introduced to the girlfriend way before moving in/marriage. So, if mother hates girlfriend then I would have to ask why. That would be the deciding factor as to who's side I take. If mom just doesn't like the gf's background or something superficial then I would not dump my girl. However if mom thinks the girlfriend doesn't really love me or is a cheater or user or abuser or manipulator or not a good person, then, I'm going to listen to mother and 2nd guess my relationship. Naming would be something superficial. Race, looks, and age would also be superficial. There would have to be a good reason to dump the girlfriend. I'm not a child.
Gladly don't have this issue but I want your opinion.
Who comes first in your opinion?
1, Let's say your mother had to move into your home with you and your significant other for whatever reason...your girl and your mother clash a lot, and your girl tells you that she doesn't want your mother living there, what do you do?
2. Conversely, your mother hates your spouse and says she doesn't think she can part of your life if your current wife/fiancé/live in gf is in it, what do you do?
3. Your spouse wants to name the baby you and Her just had together, Bob. You're okay with the name but your mother doesn't want a grandson named Bob for whatever reason..do you name your kid Bob or respect your mothers wishes?
For me, mother always comes first. Even if she is 100% wrong, I still have the utmost respect for her opinion and will put her needs above anyone else besides my own children (it would probably be equal, but me and my fiancé have no kids yet so I don't know hoe exactly I will feel). Way I look it at it, if it wasn't for her I wouldn't even exist so she always needs to be treated with deference.
1. In that situation, I would tell my spouse to either learn to love and respect her, or move out. Be thankful for her if you love me because she is the only reason why I was alive to fall in live with,
2. I would see if I could make it work and endear them to each other but if not then I would wind up breaking up with the girl. There is billions of women in this world so likelihood is I can find someone deemed acceptable to replace then significant other, you can't replsce your parentsx
3. In that situation, I would insist that we find another name besides Bob and respect my mothers wishes.
I'm very glad I'm in a situation where both my mother and my fiancé love each ofher, but my girl definitely knows they at the end of the day my mother will be choice number one and she will be choice two..she actually thinks its a good trait to be respectful of your parents rules and wishes even when you aren't obligated to anymore like you were as a minor.
Ladies, you can answer this by replacing "'mother"' to "father" and "girlfriend/wife" to "boyfriend/husband"
Thanks!
Wow, where to even begin with this response.
The general idea is to leave one's parents when one finds a spouse/life partner who should become the most important person in their lives.
If one does not do that one may find themselves spending their remaining days with their parents and without a spouse/life partner.
Every smart woman I know does not deal with a Momma's boy beyond the first few dates and will not accept being last on the list of importance.
It's a parent's responsibility to raise a child to be the best human they can be. Once that child leaves the home, their influence should be less of an impact. I think that people who allow their parents to dictate their lives, after the age of 20, are seriously hindering their child's ability to lead their own life. It's as if they never want to let go. I have two friend's who allow their mother's to influence their choices in women. No woman can compare to their mothers. SMH, I ask them if it was hard to wean off breast milk when they were in grade school! Momma's boys who can't keep a woman....lol
Parents have no right to be the final judge on the name of a couple's child...zero rights to that choice
Mother's do not have the right to make a SO uncomfortable, it's their job to actually get along. If my mother did that, I would tell her to back off. I have had to do that, because she was pretty opinionated about my choices of women. Had to tell her that the reason I didn't visit, was because I didn't want to listen to her opinions.
If my mother had to move into my home, with my SO, and she didn't like my SO...she better learn to like her, or I'd send her to my brother or sisters place. If that wasn't an option, off to the old folks home. Just because she gave birth to me, doesn't give her the right to run my life....no one deserves that except for me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate what my parents did for me, but if you are 30+ and your mother still treats you like you are 14, you better sack up, and let her know that her lil boy is all grown up...and to BTFU!
Wow! That's disrespectful. Parenting does not end at 18..you always their baby and I believe to snub them is to basically say the fact that you went through the pains of labor to birth me and then spent years wiping my behind, buying me clothes, spending money to buy a home that I had a big bedroom in a neighborhood with a decent school, feeding me etc. means nothing
She spent 18 years living for me and my siblings so it's my turn. I cannot pawn my mom off to another sibling. There were four of us, one is dead, one is s crackhead that lives in New Orleans and is estranged, and me and my brother live in the same home (he's in the basement apartment).
Women are replaceable, so are men. The only peoole that cannot be replaced are the people that donated 26 chromosomes and 18 years to keeping you alive.
As for the kid thing, any girl that isn't accepting that my mother is going to have an equal role as her in child raising probably isn't the girl for me to reproduce with. The grandchild belongs just as much to the grandparents as to the parents and if anything they're more experienced so they should be the final say.
Just my opinion.
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