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I agree with the premise. If you haven't got your act together by the time you're 35 then there's something wrong with you. Most people by that age have at least one long term relationship under their belt. If you haven't then you're either very abhorrent to the opposite sex, lazy, completely hapless or you have major psychological issues that prevent you developing a closeness to your preferred gender. Of course there will be the odd exception to this rule but in my opinion you have missed out on one of the essential milestones of human development.
Sure they missed out but they more than likely had no choice in the matter. If you are unattractive you're not going to succeed in getting anything other than rejected.
Sure they missed out but they more than likely had no choice in the matter. If you are unattractive you're not going to succeed in getting anything other than rejected.
Half the world, heck 3/4 of the world is unattractive...yet somehow they manage to find someone. I think people who constantly find themselves rejected are subconsciously projecting something unpleasant about themselves. The secret is figuring out what it is and changing it.
Okay I see your point. But relationships are very important to us humans. We are social animals. Feeling loved, having sex, a person to rely on in an intimate level is very important. So this is not the same as buying a house...see my point?
But your criterion was that a person had to have a relationship for longer than a year. Plenty of people have experienced feeling loved, at least initially, having sex, and intimacy, but don't meet this arbitrary duration requirement. So for the purposes of this discussion, we're defining "LTR" as anything beyond 1-year's duration? Someone with one yr.+ 1/2 relationship passes muster, but someone with several relationships lasting a year each, or close to it, are rejects, defined as having some fatal flaw?
Lets stop blaming it on being physically unattractive.
A walk through any Walmart in the country will reveal plenty of people society would consider "extremely unattractive" in a physical sense doing their shopping with their spouse or significant other. Not being considered attractive, in a general sense, is not an absolute for not being able to find companionship.
Besides, this thread was about not having a long term relationship beyond a year, which is certainly not exclusive to people who have never had any kind of romantic interaction with the opposite sex.
Half the world, heck 3/4 of the world is unattractive...yet somehow they manage to find someone. I think people who constantly find themselves rejected are subconsciously projecting something unpleasant about themselves. The secret is figuring out what it is and changing it.
Why assume it was the person with only short-term relationships that was the one who was always rejected? Maybe he or she got into a few relationships only to find the partner was a spendthrift, had psychological issues or for other reasons wasn't LTR material? 35 is still plenty of time to find a solid relationship leading to marriage. It doesn't mean someone's doomed. lol
Why assume it was the person with only short-term relationships that was the one who was always rejected? Maybe he or she got into a few relationships only to find the partner was a spendthrift, had psychological issues or for other reasons wasn't LTR material? 35 is still plenty of time to find a solid relationship leading to marriage. It doesn't mean someone's doomed. lol
That would point to an issue with choosing suitable partners.
And my point was not whether it's too late to find a solid relationship, it was about the fact some people have never had a relationship at all, or very short lived ones and by the age of 35 it's pretty normal for most people to have had some semblance of a longish term relationship.
Lets stop blaming it on being physically unattractive.
A walk through any Walmart in the country will reveal plenty of people society would consider "extremely unattractive" in a physical sense doing their shopping with their spouse or significant other. Not being considered attractive, in a general sense, is not an absolute for not being able to find companionship.
Besides, this thread was about not having a long term relationship beyond a year, which is certainly not exclusive to people who have never had any kind of romantic interaction with the opposite sex.
It's not even about attractiveness, going by the scenario the OP set up. Someone with only short-term relationships is attractive enough to have had relationships. Maybe even a lot of 'em. So we could assume that looks aren't the obstacle for people with relationships under a year long. That means it's other criteria, like maybe the stability of the people they get involved with, or undesirable character traits that come out only after getting to know them awhile and seeing how they live and the kind of decisions they make. It could mean someone has trouble finding people of similar intelligence who are well-adjusted, financially responsible, and all that.
Or it could be that someone didn't get started dating much until they finished an extended education and got their career off the ground. So they haven't had time to find the right person for an LTR. They've been dating, maybe had a couple of shorter relationships that didn't pan out, but they're still new to the game.
Half the world, heck 3/4 of the world is unattractive...yet somehow they manage to find someone. I think people who constantly find themselves rejected are subconsciously projecting something unpleasant about themselves. The secret is figuring out what it is and changing it.
I have never had a relationship yet I have had women friends over the years. So apparently I was likeable but not relationship material. You either have whatever it is that makes a person relationship material or you don't. But there is nothing wrong with me or most others whom are in the same boat.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
Half the world, heck 3/4 of the world is unattractive...
I completely disagree with this statement. I would say at least 80% of the women I encounter are sexually attractive to one degree or another. Only 30% of Americans are obese, so 70-80% being attractive seems like a good number.
Quote:
I think people who constantly find themselves rejected are subconsciously projecting something unpleasant about themselves. The secret is figuring out what it is and changing it.
You might be right about that. To suggest that someone is "unpleasant" is offensive, but I know what you meant so we'll put that aside. But the thing is, if that aspect of your personality which seems to be undesirable for people seeking a relationship is something that is intrinsic to who you are, then it isn't something you can change, or if you could change it, you would not wish to do so.
For example, I am a shy, introverted person. I tend to make a lot of social mistakes. That's who I am. I don't want to be an extrovert because that wouldn't be Brian, that would be someone else. I want to be Brian. Now maybe that's means I'll be "nice, but..." all my life, but that's who I am. Either someone is interested or they are not. It's not anybody's fault, it's just how people feel.
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Lets stop blaming it on being physically unattractive. 