Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Shouldn't a woman in her 40s with kids worry more about raising her kids than having fun? Ya know, responsibility and all.
Uh, I can't speak for all mothers in their 40s, but I have dedicated the last almost 18 years, including 8 as a SAHM, to raising happy, healthy, productive kids. Suffice to say that, as a mother, I know ALL about huge sacrifice and worrying about raising kids. I know ALL about the incredible amounts of selflessness, time, money, patience, and mental, physical and emotional energy involved.
If I recall correctly, you and I addressed this very same thing in another thread months ago in which you were singing the same "we are men; we can produce offspring until we're dead" anthem that you are here. I'll repeat the same points I made then:
1) if men decide to have kids when they're over the age of 40, and especially over the age of 50, they had better be in excellent health and be physically fit. An older man with limited energy and focus will find the demands of fatherhood considerably more challenging than will a younger man. Just ask my 12-years-older ex-husband, who became a dad at age 42 (and who's very fit for his age). Believe me, he learned that parenthood demanded far more energy than he possessed. I know that he wishes he'd had his kids at a younger age.
2) older dads had better be VERY financially healthy and stable. Not only does raising kids today require a heck of a lot of money - even if you decide, as my ex and I did, NOT to give your kids everything they want or "need." Older dads will still be financially responsible for their children (HELLO, college!) at a time when they're nearing retirement or have already retired. I would NOT want that pressure that my ex-husband now has.
3) as a mom of teenagers, I can tell you that kids won't be thrilled about having older dads, and they will be mortified if they have a father in his 60s or 70s attend their activities and events.
Women's fertility declines after 40 because biology KNOWS what she's doing. I couldn't even imagine starting over as a mother at my age or older. Parenting very young children really IS the business of younger people (under age 40), and those of us who have done it know that very well. I now look forward to expanding my life, with my kids, to enjoy new pursuits, more travel, and, yes, more fun with friends and extended family. To any man who decides to have kids in middle age or older: Have at it, big boy!
As for my own situation: my daughter will turn 18 in less a month, my older son is 16, and they're both typical teenagers, active and pretty independent, especially now that they both drive. My 11-year old is always out and about with neighboring friends and spends half the time at his dad's house.
So, as you can see, my kids are now of an age wherein they're largely independent (thank goodness I didn't wait too long to have them). Like many 40-something moms, I now have more free time than I've had in years, which will hopefully allow me to cultivate an actual social life after almost 2 decades (no, that's not an exaggeration). I went to a play last weekend with some friends, which was the first time I'd been out socially in months.
Last edited by newdixiegirl; 03-08-2015 at 10:40 AM..
Findings like these are interesting, even though they don't tell the whole story. Men seem to gain an advantage after age 35 and it really takes off after age 45. Obviously, no one should base where they live on articles like this or become too encouraged or discouraged by what's here. But it's still kinda fun to see how your city compares to others. No wonder San Jose is referred to as Man Jose.
Call this anecdotal, but I think the whole "men have an advantage after 35" bit is questionable at best. I see more guys settling and downgrading as they approach 40 and become desperate to find someone to pop out a kid for them. Heck, I've seen it with my ex-SO and his brother. Both are good-looking men with stable jobs, and have dated some attractive, intelligent women in the past. Neither one of their current women is anything to look at, and at least one has questionable ethics. One is dumpy and looks like a dim bulb, and the other is scrawny, buck-toothed, and looks like a boy--and is a cheater who left her husband for him. What do they have going for them? Menstruation. That's about it. And I've seen it a number of times.
I think men over 40 aren't interested in women their own age, but not because they want kids. Like you said, many of these men either don't want kids or already have them and don't want more. A lot of it has to do with wanting to feel good about themselves. They're middle aged but haven't come to terms with their lost youth. Being able to snag a younger woman is a huge ego boost. Plus, older women are more likely to have kids and be overweight. A man over 40 who doesn't have kids would probably prefer someone who doesn't already have kids and is still in good shape. In fact, I know 40something guys who just assume ALL women over 40 have kids and are overweight, which is why they refuse to even consider someone their own age.
Yeah, because ALL over-40 men are child-free. They're all Greek gods. They're all in phenomenal shape, look 30, and have the energy and stamina of 25-year-old men. Yep.
In fact, I know 40something guys who just assume ALL women over 40 have kids and are overweight, which is why they refuse to even consider someone their own age.
And those are the guys it gives me glee to turn down.
Which only proves that having a nice car increases your odds of impressing a woman. What it doesn't prove is that 80% of women are only interested in 20% of men. Please enroll in a basic statistics course before tossing out numbers that you clearly don't know how to interpret.
Which just talks about which party benefits from marriage more when there's a big income disparity. A woman who makes very little is obviously going to benefit more by dating a rich guy than a poor guy. But again, how does this prove that 80% of women only want 20% of men? Are 80% of women poor? Nope. The more a woman makes, the less she needs a man for his money.
Which just proves that men are can't handle it when their partners make more money. Again, how does this prove that 80% of women are only interested in 20% of men?
I didn't bother reading the rest of these. After the first few links, it became obvious to me that you either didn't understand these articles you cited or, more likely, didn't even read them. So no point in reading the rest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Coyote
How about you coming up with some studies showing that women are attracted to men who have no money.
How about you showing me where I ever made such a claim in the first place? Why should I provide studies to prove something I never claimed?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Coyote
Stated and then denied, and irrelevant. You are just playing word games now to stroke your own ego.
Wrong. I'm just challenging your reading comprehension skills. I'll ask again. Show me where I said I think you're not a great catch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue_Coyote
My point is that women are hypergamous, i.e. attracted to more affluent men.
Are you denying that that is the case? Show me the studies that prove that women are attracted to men with no money.
I never claimed that women are attracted to men who lack money. So why are you asking me to prove something I never asserted? The problem here, again, is your reading comprehension skills.
I think men over 40 aren't interested in women their own age, but not because they want kids. Like you said, many of these men either don't want kids or already have them and don't want more. A lot of it has to do with wanting to feel good about themselves. They're middle aged but haven't come to terms with their lost youth. Being able to snag a younger woman is a huge ego boost. Plus, older women are more likely to have kids and be overweight. A man over 40 who doesn't have kids would probably prefer someone who doesn't already have kids and is still in good shape. In fact, I know 40something guys who just assume ALL women over 40 have kids and are overweight, which is why they refuse to even consider someone their own age.
I read this as well. In fact, I've noticed that a lot of people my age, both men and women, don't worry as much about using birth control because they mistakenly assume the chances of someone getting pregnant is low.
So? Just because the sample size is large doesn't prove that how men behave online is an accurate indicator of how they behave offline.
Isn't that sad though that those men assume? They often end up alone. I saw that mentality myself, I am not overweight nor do I have kids but these men assumed something was wrong with me.
Yeah, because ALL over-40 men are child-free. They're all Greek gods. They're all in phenomenal shape, look 30, and have the energy and stamina of 25-year-old men. Yep.
I didn't say all men over 40 are child-free, in shape, and still look young. I just said that a lot of men over 40 make assumptions about women over 40. These men either don't realize or don't care that they're being hypocritical by holding women up to a standard that they themselves don't meet.
Yeah, because ALL over-40 men are child-free. They're all Greek gods. They're all in phenomenal shape, look 30, and have the energy and stamina of 25-year-old men. Yep.
Almost all of the guys who wanted younger were almost all ugly, fat and often broke. My loser ex boyfriend is 47, fat, very ugly, not financially secure (lives with his mom)and a nasty guy yet expects a 18-30 year old woman. He'll be single a long time.
Almost all of the guys who wanted younger were almost all ugly, fat and often broke. My loser ex boyfriend is 47, fat, very ugly, not financially secure (lives with his mom)and a nasty guy yet expects a 18-30 year old woman. He'll be single a long time.
It's an image thing. They don't want to be seen as some pathetic loser who had to "settle" for an older woman. Snagging a younger woman makes them feel good about themselves. Now the world will respect them, or so they think.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
