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Maybe your boyfriend is so well off because he has mooched off of his parents his whole life. Does he pay them rent at all, or for the food he scarfs down? He may not want to move out because it's a big gravy train for him. Regardless, I agree with everybody else about moving on, because he is never going to grow up and cut himself loose from mommy's apron strings.
The moving in with the family thing would be an immediate deal breaker for me. Is he looking to kill your sex life? Or any other kind of intimacy for that matter?
That is why I have never moved in his parents' house. I cannot do it and cannot imagine living with my boyfriend's family in the same house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
I did not read anything past the first paragraph however, my best advice is to take all of what you wrote and step into a professional therapists office and let them read it. Then ask them for guidance.
Do you believe I need psychological help? This is an honest question.
Quote:
Originally Posted by justmeinca
Do you live alone? Your self-esteem might be completely beaten that you think you are not capable of finding another man.
Yes, I moved out of my parent's house as soon as I found a job that supports me after college. So yes, I live alone, but I wouldn't say I am alone. Do have friends and family
Quote:
Originally Posted by poodlestix
Maybe your boyfriend is so well off because he has mooched off of his parents his whole life. Does he pay them rent at all, or for the food he scarfs down? He may not want to move out because it's a big gravy train for him. Regardless, I agree with everybody else about moving on, because he is never going to grow up and cut himself loose from mommy's apron strings.
A lot of this is correct with the exception of my boyfriend being well off thanks to his parents. As stubborn as he is by not wanting to move out of his parents house (or at least not yet), he's worked very hard and bought the real estate properties that he owns without anyone's help. If anything, he'd be financially supporting his parents sooner than they'd be financially supporting him. However, his parents aren't in need of any financial assistance as they're doing pretty well themselves. His living with his parents is not a financial issue. And despite the all other issues and being a momma's boy, he is very hard-working and determined when it comes to work responsibilities. This is one of his good traits.
Read some, skipped a lot of this thread. I have an issue with "breaking up" with folks when we meet someone new. I understand that there are many dynamics in most relationships, but it just seems like greasy kid stuff when we dump someone and another person is involved right away.
Just doesn't seem right.
Ophelia, I'm not judging you and you seem smart & good from your posts. I'm just sharing my view as I've seen the "dumper" get burned before. Usually they burn themselves.
In your case, I don't think you can lose either way. By that I mean......even if you wind up "alone", you're still better off than your current situation.
P.s. I have a MAJOR problem regarding dating coworkers. Be careful with that.
Last edited by YAZ; 03-07-2015 at 12:52 AM..
Reason: add
Yes, you should end your relationship -- but not for your co-worker. You should end it for yourself. Ending the relationship isn't "throwing away" 8 years - it's deciding not to waste any more time on someone with whom you are not compatible.
No, you should not start dating your co-worker. As tempting as it is to romanticize him because he appears to be different from your boyfriend, you have no idea who he is outside of the work setting. You don't need to move from one man to the next. Take some time to be on your own before you start dating again. It's OK to be single...it really is.
I am going to need to leave here, and will come back and read your posting more carefully....I just wanted to give you a response to a couple of things.....
You have spent eight years of your life in a relationship that quite frankly is very toxic. The man lives with his parents and sister and is in his 30's--you said yourself that something isn't quite right with this. And my mouth fell open when you said he man "invited" you to move into their house! It isn't even his house! This happened to my brother--he got involved with a woman for years while he was still living at home with my parents. He moved his girlfriend in their home within a week after my dad died. My mom was staying with me after we buried my dad. I lived out of town. My brother called her up and said he had moved his gf in!!!!
More importantly than all of the above is the alcohol. If you want to continue to invest your heart, your time, your sanity into this person, than you are setting yourself up for heartache, wasted time and you probably will question your own sanity. I cannot say if he is alcoholic (only the individual can determine that). He certainly sounds like he is or that he has a dependency on it.
If you really want to wreak your life stay in this relationship. Or get out.........RUNNNNNNN!!!! Get your life back and do not let this addict take anymore of your youth away from you. Then, maybe later, if he sobers up, grows up and stops being dependent on mom and dad, and having sis as his drinking buddy, he will be more available for a healthy relationship. He doesn't want a commitment with you. He is committed to the alcohol now and that's his first love.
Move on - He's not going to move out ? And he would have either moved in with you or proposed. There are just too many things going on with him and nothing really in your favor. If you're having trouble breaking free perhaps a few sessions with a counselor will help you sort through this and get really clear quickly. As long as you're with this guy taking up space in your life - then the right guy isn't available.
That is why I have never moved in his parents' house. I cannot do it and cannot imagine living with my boyfriend's family in the same house.
Do you believe I need psychological help? This is an honest question.
Yes, I moved out of my parent's house as soon as I found a job that supports me after college. So yes, I live alone, but I wouldn't say I am alone. Do have friends and family
A lot of this is correct with the exception of my boyfriend being well off thanks to his parents. As stubborn as he is by not wanting to move out of his parents house (or at least not yet), he's worked very hard and bought the real estate properties that he owns without anyone's help. If anything, he'd be financially supporting his parents sooner than they'd be financially supporting him. However, his parents aren't in need of any financial assistance as they're doing pretty well themselves. His living with his parents is not a financial issue. And despite the all other issues and being a momma's boy, he is very hard-working and determined when it comes to work responsibilities. This is one of his good traits.
I believe you need an outside of the situation person who can help you sort through all of the emotions you are trying to wade through with random strangers on a public forum.
Someone who is not emotionally attached and has the qualifications, experience and knowledge to help guide you down your current path.
No one here can really get to the root of the reason that you are so adamant about staying but so adamant about leaving.
No one here can really get to the root of the reason that you are so adamant about staying but so adamant about leaving.
True, but from the OP's posts, all signs point to her not wanting to be single and therefore, she can only consider leaving if she moves directly from one man to another.
True, but from the OP's posts, all signs point to her not wanting to be single and therefore, she can only consider leaving if she moves directly from one man to another.
Hence the reason I am strongly urging the Original Poster to seek professional help with this.
Of course it is their choice to do so or not and I can honestly say I do not understand the mindset you refer to.
I have never made being in a relationship a high priority so either way, single or with someone I was always happy with me.
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