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I understand the difference. What you fail to understand is there is no perfect person and the longer you wait for Mr JUST ABSOLUTELY PERFECT the less time you got. The guys her age who were contenders around her are getting snapped up and married with other women and living life. Because all the guys who at one time were willing to wait moved on already married having a life. And she's still waiting for Mr Perfect on a white horse.
So what? Maybe she'd rather be single than having premarital sex with Mr. Average.
I would never advise anyone who wants to wait to not wait. People should stay true to themselves. But this also means that they are ruling out a lot of people. Which is fine - they just need to be realistic about it.
When you and others belittle, taunt and ridicule those who wait insinuating that there is supposedly something abnormal or wrong with them and insist that they will have a lousy marriage because they didn’t “test drive” every available warm body beforehand you are doing exactly that – pressuring them to go ahead and just do it already.
When you and others belittle, taunt and ridicule those who wait insinuating that there is supposedly something abnormal or wrong with them and insist that they will have a lousy marriage because they didn’t “test drive” every available warm body beforehand you are doing exactly that – pressuring them to go ahead and just do it already.
Can you please point out to me the posts in which I belittle, taunt, and ridicule those who wait and insinuate that there is something abnormal or wrong with them and insist that they will have a lousy marriage? I'd like to see that. Not viewing someone as a unicorn or better than other people simply because they are choosing not to have premarital sex is not equal to taunting, belittling, ridiculing, etc.
I don't think waiting for marriage makes you better than anyone else and I don't think sleeping with a bunch of people makes you better than anyone else. At the end of the day, if you want a relationship, you need to find someone compatible with you. The more strict you are in the basics - the harder it is going to be. But I would never tell someone to do something like sleep with people before marriage if that is not what they feel comfortable doing.
And lets not confuse real waiting, with saying they want to wait. There are people that say they want to wait. When you get to know those people better, it pretty much always come out that they did have sex, and now want to wait because it was a bad experience.
Perhaps they wouldn’t feel so bad and regret it if they had waited for the one who would be around for the long haul in a committed relationship instead of a string of forgettable nobodies who don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
Can you please point out to me ... The more strict you are in the basics - the harder it is going to be. But I would never tell someone to do something like sleep with people before marriage if that is not what they feel comfortable doing.
You just did it. Why is waiting for the one you want to marry making it harder? For many it actually makes it significantly easier for them to find the right one because they are willing to wait and can thereby rule out and eliminate the ones that were not willing to wait for them. Just because you don’t happen to encounter them in your particular social circles does not mean they are nonexistent.
Perhaps they wouldn’t feel so bad and regret it if they had waited for the one who would be around for the long haul in a committed relationship instead of a string of forgettable nobodies who don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
Who are "they"? Are there invisible posts here?!
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Perhaps they wouldn’t feel so bad and regret it if they had waited for the one who would be around for the long haul in a committed relationship instead of a string of forgettable nobodies who don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobZombie
You just did it. Why is waiting for the one you want to marry making it harder? For many it actually makes it significantly easier for them to find the right one because they are willing to wait and can thereby rule out and eliminate the ones that were not willing to wait for them. Just because you don’t happen to encounter them in your particular social circles does not mean they are nonexistent.
What I find so ironic is that I'm not actually putting anyone down - but you are!
I did not just do it. Trying to find someone that is willing to wait for marriage and that also wants to wait for marriage is going to be harder simply because it's more rare. I know - you seem to live in some area where everyone is waiting for marriage but all the places that I've lived - it's been rare. This isn't a put down. If someone is only willing to date someone who extremely athletic or who has a graduate degree or who wants to live off the grid - well, it's going to make things harder. This is just reality. Anytime you have a requirement that is going to eliminate a huge chunk of the single's pool - it's going to make things harder. I'm not saying that you aren't going to find the right person - but it's going to take a lot more waiting and sorting. And that's fine. And I would never tell someone to sleep with someone if they aren't ready - any more than I would tell someone to wait for marriage if that's not what they want to do.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JobZombie
When you and others belittle, taunt and ridicule those who wait insinuating that there is supposedly something abnormal or wrong with them and insist that they will have a lousy marriage because they didn’t “test drive” every available warm body beforehand you are doing exactly that – pressuring them to go ahead and just do it already.
I haven't seen a single person do this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JobZombie
Perhaps they wouldn’t feel so bad and regret it if they had waited for the one who would be around for the long haul in a committed relationship instead of a string of forgettable nobodies who don’t want anything to do with them anymore.
I'm sorry you slept with forgettable nobodies. I really haven't. I'm friends with most people I've slept with and they're important people to me; even the ones that are no longer in my life were important at that time. I don't view them as disposable like you do.
I waited until exclusivity (engagement) and I'm a person of no faith. I was told by my close friends who knew how I felt, so many times (too many to count) that I was eliminating 99.99% of the male population. I didn't care, I knew what was right for me.
It was often implied that there was something wrong with me, or I was playing games, or didn't like sex and that I would end up as an old bag lady with 50 cats. I was judged most harshly by other women, I might add. Never judged negatively by any men that I know of (except on this board).
The reality is that most of the men I dated "got it". Lots of men bowed out early in the dating game, but it wasn't anywhere near 99.99% and who cares anyway? There were many men who dated me for several months before one of us determined that we were not a good match for taking things any further.
I think the people who are saying that it's not "realistic", just don't know any better. Our media perpetuates the illusion that everyone is banging everyone else 24/7. Maybe most people are, but there's still plenty of "prudes" out there, like me. LOL I admire people who live with conviction; even when it isn't fashionable.
I don't know why everyone else always gets their feathers ruffled about it. Do what you want, live with the consequences, either way.
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