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It's the fact that everyone thinks they can do better with so many options at their fingertips. And I think this is also why so many people never end up more than single. They always think they deserve better.
But, really, do "so many people?"
Most people end up paired off, in the end. They really do.
Eventually, most people get past the fear that, by making a choice that suit them, they close the door on other things, and appreciate the things they've chosen wisely.
Some people don't. I've known people who don't. They are the serial adulterers, the ones who cheat on partner after partner, always looking to the next person who gives them validating attention. But they're not typical, they're anomalies, which is why they stand out and are archetypes. Most people ultimately commit to the choices in the here and now that are making them happy.
Question, why is it in an age with all this communication technology, cell phones, texting, dating web sites, dating web sites with aps, linkedin, facebook, etc, why are so many people alone or lonely? I am not talking about those that choose to remain single, I'm talking about those that are struggling to find that special "someone." I have a friend that is 47, is a single dad, after being single for 7 years he wants to get back into a relationship and he's been telling me what a struggle it is. I have seen some of the profiles he's viewed on dating sites, while some women were outright sweat-hogs that I wouldn't even hold a door for, a lot of women were smoking hot! Like hot to the point that my first thought was "what is she doing on a dating site, that girl should be able to go out in public and guys' numbers just by breathing."
So my question, why are people struggling with this issue?
I have two theories. One, mainstream pop culture drills into our heads, girls more than guys, of what the "ideal" guy should be. Two, we as a society have become too diverse.
What are your thoughts?
Your credibility in regards to being serious about this issue just went down the sewer with this very shallow degrading statement about another human being.
Most people end up paired off, in the end. They really do.
Eventually, most people get past the fear that, by making a choice that suit them, they close the door on other things, and appreciate the things they've chosen wisely.
Some people don't. I've known people who don't. They are the serial adulterers, the ones who cheat on partner after partner, always looking to the next person who gives them validating attention. But they're not typical, they're anomalies, which is why they stand out and are archetypes. Most people ultimately commit to the choices in the here and now that are making them happy.
Well in my generation (20s) I see it all the time. Both men and women dating one person after another after another like everybody is disposable and nitpicking their flaws, while not considering their own.
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just noticing the exception to the rule.
And yes the serial adulterers who cheat on anyone regardless of how amazing their partner is will always be out there toxifying the air we breath.
I think that the option of maintaining very surface-y interaction with others appeals to a certain population, and that population is going to definitely use tech tools to continue with their choice of maintaining shallow-by-design relationships. But I think that choice lies in the individual. All tech is, is a tool.
Indeed technology is merely a tool, but new tools enable outward manifestation of latent behaviors, behaviors that heretofore were not possible.
Consider for example video surveillance cameras and their ubiquity in modern cities. Monitoring of public life is greatly enabled by the new technology. I doubt that 19th century governments were any less interested in keeping tabs on the citizenry. But the means wasn't there. Placing human observers on every street corner is expensive and logistically prohibitive.
Consider the example of stock market speculation and rapid-fire trading. I'm sure that the speculators of the 1920s were no more "buy and hold" investors than their modern counterparts. But back then, without computer-trading or real-time data, the huge volume of lightning trades that we see today - and the consequent volatility - would have been impossible.
Today's governments, stock traders or daters aren't different in substance or emotion from their forebears. Human nature changes imperceptibly slowly on the scale of human history. But latent desires and predilections that were dormant, suppressed or shunted aside, can now be indulged. Today's generation isn't any more flighty, flaky, dissolute or superficial than their parents' or grandparents. But today those tendencies are allowed to burgeon, courtesy of technology.
I agree that technology can be a tool for maintaining substantive relationships across the continents. A letter-exchange between the US and Europe took at least 2-3 weeks, as recently as 25 years ago. It still does. But e-mail is almost instantaneous. I can maintain relations with persons 8 time zones away, in a manner almost unimaginable only one generation ago. And I'm very grateful for this. But for every such laudable depth of friendship, how many more friendships are crowded aside through the conveniences enabling the superficial?
Our scientific and technological maturity will always outstrip our philosophical and ethical maturity. This has been true since the invention of fire, the wheel, or writing. And barring some calamity or great transformation, it will remain true for as long as humans are human.
Last edited by ohio_peasant; 03-09-2015 at 06:49 PM..
I think materialism and consumerism are probably more of a cause than technology for the growing emptiness, loneliness and isolation of Americans. People use technology and social media to compensate for it. Technology may make some people feel lonelier but in reality it is the materialistic and fast paced lifestyle that causes those feelings of loneliness. The focus of people on being rich and successful has taken away from having real loving and healthy relationships. The expectations and pressures of western society to fit in and be successful or somebody powerful takes away from more important things. See "Rosebud"
Last edited by Know Nonsense; 03-09-2015 at 07:23 PM..
In the old days you married the girl that lived down the street because that's all there was, or family members would set up people.
That's just how it was a long long time ago.
Now with instant access to everything I think people have gone into a perpetual mode of waiting to see what's the next best or better thing to come along.
Agreed. As much as I like technology and it's progression, it has made people a lot more picky, in my opinion.
This is what I don't think my Parents understand either. They don't realize that the times have changed in this regard.
Well in my generation (20s) I see it all the time. Both men and women dating one person after another after another like everybody is disposable and nitpicking their flaws, while not considering their own.
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just noticing the exception to the rule.
And yes the serial adulterers who cheat on anyone regardless of how amazing their partner is will always be out there toxifying the air we breath.
I'm in my thirties, although it's neither here nor there, really, because I don't exclusively observe the behavior of other people in my same age group.
I wouldn't make any overarching assumptions about the grand scheme of human behavior based purely on the observations of how people act in their twenties. Developmentally, it's its own place. People don't act that way forever, at least most people. The bigger picture is more telling. I mean, I didn't date ANYbody seriously in my twenties. I wasn't picky, I just wasn't up for a serious, long-term relationship with anybody at that point.
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