Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Dating takes time and money, neither which I have a big supply of. I do hang out with women as friends thank you very much. However, I'll be [Bleep.] if I keep investing emotional capital over something like dating that is destined not to work out for me.
It really doesn't have to take that much money. Neither my boyfriend nor I were making much money when we first met last summer. We managed to find plenty of free things to do around the city so we could spend time together.
As for emotional investment, you seemed determined that nothing will work out, so of course it won't.
I would just think that people who truly have given up on relationships wouldn't post repeatedly on a Relationships board.
I like calling people out on their woe is me, women suck, life sucks, this is hard crap. Yes.
I, as I stated before, was one of these idiotic depressed twenty somethings that really thought the world sucks and I lost the lottery of life, that the best chicks always hooked up with the aholes and nice dudes like me get the shaft (oh poor me, I have a good job, I treat people well, why doesn't she like me, boo hoo). That I wasn't really depressed, I just saw the world for how it really is and I was angry (and self destructive).
It took me years of friends and strangers to properly b***h slap me to get my head out of my azz and realize I was a depressed, negative, creep and I better get my sh*t together or I would either die young, die alone, or both (which times I looked forward to). I finally got helped and changed my life.
So yeah, I enjoy helping others as I was helped.
And CCL is right, for anyone that views dating as a business transaction, stop. It isn't. It never will be. There is no such thing as emotional capital because emotions aren't finite in any way. We have nearly limitless ability to love.
I have always found it difficult. Had several women friends but nothing further. I don't blame women and I certainly don't blame myself. I just chalk it up to "that's life". Its easy for you and not others like myself. It is what it is.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,737,988 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
It really doesn't have to take that much money. Neither my boyfriend nor I were making much money when we first met last summer. We managed to find plenty of free things to do around the city so we could spend time together.
As for emotional investment, you seemed determined that nothing will work out, so of course it won't.
I would just think that people who truly have given up on relationships wouldn't post repeatedly on a Relationships board.
I don't even known if I've given up. I just don't ing know. Just no matter what I do, it never works out, that is what I'm saying. And for someone, who has not walked one day In my shoes, just to say it is easy and that I should just enjoy it despite all the failures is just infuriating to me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
I have always found it difficult. Had several women friends but nothing further. I don't blame women and I certainly don't blame myself. I just chalk it up to "that's life". Its easy for you and not others like myself. It is what it is.
Hey, if you have no interest in dating, then don't date. That's fine. Lots of people take time off, and yeah, there might be a miniscule percent that opt out all together.
Again, totally fine, except it makes not sense at all to be on a relationship forum if you have no interest in one.
If you DO have an interest in one, "that's life" is the ultimate cop out. Life is what you make it. If you want one, you can have one. Not c*ck blocking yourself is the first step.
I find that the few people I know who have eschewed dating and remain single, make choices to remain that way. I see no problem if people want to close themselves off from the opposite sex, but don't blame the opposite sex for your choices.
One of my girlfriends is in her mid thirties and never had a boyfriend. She is overweight, but lots of overweight women get boyfriends and husbands. She refuses any guy that asks her out, won't do OLD, won't go out on the weekends. This is a fairly attractive woman who has a good job, is witty, and fun to be around if you are female. It drives me nuts that she complains all the time about men.
Another friend from college is in his mid forties and never had a girlfriend. He is reasonably attractive with a good job. He just has unrealistic expectations. He wants the hot young 25 year old wife. Which he might get if he also didn't have stringent gold digger clauses. She has to like him for himself, so he won't spend money on dates even though he is rolling in dough. My husband and I spent more on dates when we were poor and in college. She also has to have the right job/background/ education and fall into line with all of his expectations. He has whittled his dating prospects to such a small amount, it's likely he won't find her.
Of course both of these people could date if they opened themselves up and tried.
They don't want to do that, so we just accept them for who they are.
If you want to be alone, own that choice and don't blame men or women for that. I know people in their seventies and eighties who still date and find mates. Someone in their thirties and forties is so young and have many years left.
I have given up only in the sense that I am now willing to date, but not LTR, women that do not want children, just for the social exercise and companionship. Previously I was only willing to date women that "wanted children", which is a very limited dating poll at my age and location and a frustrating process for a variety of reasons.
Hey, if you have no interest in dating, then don't date. That's fine. Lots of people take time off, and yeah, there might be a miniscule percent that opt out all together.
Again, totally fine, except it makes not sense at all to be on a relationship forum if you have no interest in one.
If you DO have an interest in one, "that's life" is the ultimate cop out. Life is what you make it. If you want one, you can have one. Not c*ck blocking yourself is the first step.
Do I want to date? Yes. Is it possible? No. I don't find that "that's life" is a cop out. I find it a logical response. Not every one gets what they want out of life. No matter how hard they work for it.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by jma501
Do I want to date? Yes. Is it possible? No. I don't find that "that's life" is a cop out. I find it a logical response. Not every one gets what they want out of life. No matter how hard they work for it.
You sound like me in my mid 20s when I was depressed. Aka: I wasn't depressed, I was seeing reality and I chose to accept it.
I got help (and stop self medicating (quit the weed and booze) and started hitting the gym 6x a week), and it changed my life. I hope you do as well.
I don't even known if I've given up. I just don't ing know. Just no matter what I do, it never works out, that is what I'm saying. And for someone, who has not walked one day In my shoes, just to say it is easy and that I should just enjoy it despite all the failures is just infuriating to me.
Every single relationship you have in life will end at some point, whether through breaking up, death, or divorce. If you are afraid of relationships ending, then it's okay to be alone. You just have to be happy with what does fill your life.
Every previous relationship I was in before my husband ended in flames with one of us being dumped. Even my very happy and long marriage will one day end. That's the nature of life. He could die or decide to fall out of love and marry a woman half my age. It happens.
Even if it ends horribly, I am still grateful for this journey I have gone on.
It's amazing that the ladies aren't lining up for the bitter dude who blames an entire nation's gender on his problems.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
ing know. Just no matter what I do, it never works out, that is what I'm saying. And for someone, who has not walked one day In my shoes, just to say it is easy and that I should just enjoy it despite all the failures is just infuriating to me.