Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
However, I would not say automatically "he is disrespecting you and dump him" because frankly two people just have to be honest...REALLY HONEST...with each other, work out where the boundaries lie, and who is truly OK with what. This not only means he is honest about whatever he's up to, but YOU are honest about what is uncomfortable to you, or not. Otherwise, you're doomed.
Some couples have "open" relationships, or are swingers, they too have boundaries but those boundaries are further out there than most of us have. They understand what is OK or not, or they don't last.
You really can't ask how most men handle their urges, because as another poster said there's no one set way. The bottom line is that you both are honest with each other and abide by one another's needs and wishes if you really value the relationship.
My husband has brought his insecurities and discomforts to me, and we have worked out ways to deal with them. I am going to go to concerts and events that he doesn't want to go to, and I'm going to have friends male and female alike. But I do communicate with him frequently through those evenings so he knows where I'm at and what I'm up to. Sometimes it's difficult, and our relationship isn't perfect especially lately, but we've lasted almost 18 years...
He sometimes has urges and needs that I might not be up to fulfilling for him. He is "allowed" to go in his own "man cave" room and look at stuff online and take care of things, and I'm not jealous of whatever he's looking at, I'm not interested in knowing the details but I have a broad idea...my thing is that I really don't want him interacting with anyone specifically. Forming a side relationship. The Skype stuff would be beyond my comfort level. And I know if I were doing it, that it would be beyond his.
Just make sure you're not trying so hard to be cool and not chase him off, that you are burying bitterness and ill feeling about this, which will explode one day. Be honest with yourself and with him.
I am more curious I guess about the virtual aspect, I know the urges are there... But do men actively seek little online flings, do they get escorts? Do they get more than lap dances at the strip club?? What is normal man behaviour I want to understand the mans brain!! So I told my bf strip clubs ok lap dances ok nothing else, he likes the fantasy aspect of chatting dirty online but would never act on it I know this..I also recently agreed to let him Skype with a random Brazilian girl who's on the other side of the world and she knows it's just for fun...so I'm wondering if it's normal if I'm being cool and understanding..and if most guys would do even more but not tell their gf's because mine seriously tells me everything because I'm very open and wouldn't want my man to feel suffocated and run around on me so I try and give him some freedom aslong as he is open and honest with me...!
I'm unclear about your open policy. Do you want your boyfriend to be completely honest with you in hopes you can salvage something when he crosses the line or do you allow him to do anything like in an open relationship as long as you know about it? Anyway, men fall on the entire spectrum from those who are completely loyal to those who will cheat any chance they get. I suppose you are saying you don't mind where your boyfriend falls on this spectrum as long as he is honest about it.
OP, as others have said, you have to both agree on what is acceptable in your own relationship. Both men and women have urges, some act on them and some don't.
Oh, and both sexes cheat....it isn't a man only thing, trust me.
Make up your own rules and the two of you need to set your specific limits. Just don't sell yourself short and accept whatever it is that HE wants to do because you want to be a cool, understanding girlfriend. Both of you need to agree and be respectful of each others needs and desires. Good luck.
My ex bf told me about a bachelor party he went to for his brother. My ex at the time of the party, was married to a woman who was at the party for the bride across the hall. This is what happened at the party for the men....the stripper gave a lap dance to each man, then told each one to lay on the floor while she lowered her unclothed pelvis towards and almost on the head of the men and picked up a bill with her, well....you know. The first time I was told this, the men had the bills on one part of their face, and the next time I heard it, the bill was placed on the forehead. Across the hall, the male stripper was trying to get the bride to have sex with him, which she almost did because she was loaded. A couple of females pulled her away from him. And from other bachelorette parties I have heard about, this is not a rare thing these days. I certainly will not participate nor will I watch a bunch of women having oral and any other kind of sex with a man. I think that is gross. And if I ever, God forbid, get married again, I want no part of any party where that kind of thing goes on.
Geesh! Why get married at all? If this is not a form of cheating I guess I don't know what that is.
My ex bf told me about a bachelor party he went to for his brother. My ex at the time of the party, was married to a woman who was at the party for the bride across the hall. This is what happened at the party for the men....the stripper gave a lap dance to each man, then told each one to lay on the floor while she lowered her unclothed pelvis towards and almost on the head of the men and picked up a bill with her, well....you know. The first time I was told this, the men had the bills on one part of their face, and the next time, the bill was placed on another part. Across the hall, the male stripper was trying to get the bride to have sex with him, which she almost did because she was loaded. A couple of females pulled her away from him. And from other bachelorette parties I have heard about, this is not a rare thing these days. I certainly will not participate nor will I watch a bunch of women having oral and any other kind of sex with a man. I think that is gross.
Geesh! Why get married at all? If this is not a form of cheating I guess I don't know what that is.
Gotta say, that would not have been my cup of tea either, but don't assume those shenanigans are baseline normal for everybody. My Aunt and Uncle were swingers (I found out when I got older, what they were up to during the years I was a kid playing with my cousins, their kids)...they would go on "retreats" up in the mountains and have adventures...but there was no ongoing contact with the people they played with while they were up there. It was like a vacation from monogamy. But they were both cool with it, and that's what matters. If both of the people in your story knew what was going on at the other parties and didn't care, then fine. In fact I think that with the right couple it'd be kind of hot to actually ARRANGE that kind of thing for your partner...again, IF both are sincerely fine with it.
Heck in my own marriage, my husband is the one for whom loyalty and fidelity comes naturally. I'm certainly capable of it, thus far I have not strayed, but it is not in my basic nature as it is in his, to be committed to one person.
Interestingly, the best study I ever read linked the likelihood a man will cheat to his opportunity. So it's not about whether or not he's married, or a jerk, or anything like that. A fellow who has more opportunity to have sex with multiple partners will do so. That is why your professional athlete and handsome actor is much more likely to cheat then the balding accountant on the third floor. Its not that mr. accountant has greater morals; he just doesn't have the same opportunity.
.I also recently agreed to let him Skype with a random Brazilian girl who's on the other side of the world and she knows it's just for fun...so I'm wondering if it's normal if I'm being cool and understanding..
That's WAY too far for me, and I'm a reformed cheater.
Sharing porn with you occasionally would be ok, but live chatting with a real person, even thousands of miles away, is much too close to the edge, IMHO. What thrill will he seek out next?
Of course, YOU have to determine your relationship boundaries. When YOU get uncomfortable, it's ok to let him know and ask him to stop.
His response will tell you where you stand.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
