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Old 03-11-2015, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,530 posts, read 5,049,294 times
Reputation: 13937

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Have you considered counseling? If I had three years invested, I might feel like I had the obligation to drag his butt to counseling so he could get some help for whatever caused his violent reaction. If it was something he could address and deal with (rather than bury it so deep you didn't see it for 3 years) he might be worth keeping.
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Lebanon, OH
5,865 posts, read 6,293,220 times
Reputation: 12431
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnneCA View Post
Do you think alcohol brings out certain hidden characteristics about people?
Absolutely, ever hear the expression "mean drunk"

If you would have called the police and they saw your marks and bruises he would have been taken to jail.
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:35 PM
 
5,681 posts, read 8,098,715 times
Reputation: 5944
Here's the thing you know it's abuse somewhere deep down or you wouldn't be here. If it were not abuse you wouldn't even be asking yourself, or random internet strangers, if it was abuse. I'm sure everyone who is a victim of abuse feels safe with their abuser prior to the abuse but you're past that now. You have to reevaluate the situation with all avaliable information. You've already left him. Text him back and tell him it's over. Hopefully he accepts that and moves on. If he continues to harass you after that then there is an even bigger issue.
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:38 PM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,556 posts, read 4,822,732 times
Reputation: 12371
If a man ever put his hands on me while we were together....it's over.

No ifs ands or buts. I don't care how much he "loves" me or apologizes. I have witnessed too many situations like this, and they ALWAYS get worse.
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:42 PM
 
12,280 posts, read 13,503,030 times
Reputation: 14200
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnneCA View Post
I have said that I stopped talking to him and did leave him right after he pushed me. However, he keeps calling and texting begging me to forgive him.
Alcohol is a truth serum. What he did is what he is on the inside.

Get out of there!!!!!
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,085 posts, read 8,426,622 times
Reputation: 35326
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnneCA View Post
I felt very safe with him up until that moment. It shocked me to the core because it is NOT like him. I trusted him with my life. That is why I am trying to understand if this was just a once in a blue moon incident, or if this is part of his personality that just came to light after that wedding night, a part I didn't know about for 3 years.
I know it's hard to believe, but if he did it then THAT IS HIM. Don't say that it's due to him being drunk, or out of it, or not himself - he showed you a part of himself. Maybe not a big part, but it could easily get bigger over time - do you want to risk it? Take this time to examine all parts of your relationship with a clear eye.
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Old 03-11-2015, 07:53 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,722,057 times
Reputation: 991
If I were in a relationship and a bf lays his hands on me in anger (and not to hug me or tickle me) then drunk or not drunk, I can really careless about his apology. It's an immediate bye, bye.

The fact that he keeps on calling you nonstoppable and begging you when you're rightfully shocked is one that not only will abuse further but that he only cares about himself. I would seriously consider pressing harassment charges. Whether someone is drunk or not, that shouldn't be an excuse to ever turn a verbal disagreement into a physical altercation.
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Old 03-11-2015, 08:04 PM
 
11 posts, read 9,241 times
Reputation: 12
Thank you all for your responses. Yes, I am here because deep down I do know that push was not something normal. I suppose I am trying to deal with the shock of discovering something I never thought I would discover about my SO. Someone I've loved and trusted for 3 years. I've known him to be a good and loving man in general, besides the usual now-and-then altercations, which were short-lived and quickly forgotten. I thought he was the right man for me. It was a successful relationship. But that one push completely threw me off balance. Still cannot believe it, but I suppose I have no other choice than letting him go. Incredible how deceiving life can be.
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Old 03-11-2015, 08:21 PM
 
11 posts, read 9,241 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by woxyroxme View Post
If you would have called the police and they saw your marks and bruises he would have been taken to jail.
I know that, and that thought did cross my mind. But I didn't want to get police involved as it was something he's never done before, and he did have alcohol in his blood. However, if he had directly hit and physically, seriously injured me that night, I would have called the police.
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Old 03-11-2015, 08:36 PM
 
18,209 posts, read 19,941,304 times
Reputation: 26648
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnneCA View Post
I know that, and that thought did cross my mind. But I didn't want to get police involved as it was something he's never done before, and he did have alcohol in his blood. However, if he had directly hit and physically, seriously injured me that night, I would have called the police.
Bruises and red marks are injuries.
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