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The question is..do I ask her out on a date or ask her to be in a relationship.
Feels awkward asking her to go on a date it seem like we've hang out alone unofficial dates.. paying for her dinner buying her stuff etc.
Ask her on a date. This involves leaving the apartment and going to do something. Food is good. You do not need to buy her stuff. You can bring food with you if you don't want to go to a restaurant. You two share interests, right? Go share something interesting.
So what did you do to move forward and what do you think made your attempt successful?
I just kept it sexual so there wasn't any confusion about whether I wanted to be friends or more. I can't tell you what made me successful, sometimes I'm not, but I don't think going on a proper "date" would have improved my odds any. Women usually bring up the "what are, where is this going" talk, so I've never had to deal with that.
My wife and I had a similar relationship. I will admit the path we took towards marriage was not exactly the typical. Our relationship started 21 years ago and we've been married for 13 years now.
We were close friends, hung out a lot, and kept getting closer. Over time, you get some comfortable with the "friendship" that barriers fall down. We camped out together using the same tent. We did our groceries together. She would stay at my place often. At first, I would be on the floor while she slept in my bed. Over time, she felt guilty (I was on the floor a lot) that I joined her in bed. During the summer, I would pick her up from work and she would join me for a late night movie. We did a lot together.... it seems everyone else "knew" about "us" before we were able to see it. One cold night, I put my arms around her... she said "friends don't really do this...". I backed off, a little hurt, and struggled back to sleep. I thought I might have misjudged (again) and hurt a friendship that was important to me. That precipitated us to actually talk about our relationship the next day. It was a strange conversation but absolutely necessary. It was well over due.
We eventually started "dating" officially... it didn't feel like a date per say.. we had already been so comfortable having meals together. A couple years later, we moved in together.... keeping it a secret from both our parents. We were both broke and it was a decision in part to cut costs. That all lead to a proposal and wedding shortly after college graduation. When she finally moved in with me as husband and wife, it wasn't really an adjustment period... after all we lived like a couple for years by that time.
When we started dating officially, I had come to learn that her father was verbally abusive to her.... it left her struggling to deal with emotional situations. She didn't have a male figure in her life (I was actually her first boyfriend) and this was in part a reason for our unusually path. She needed to take it slow but was afraid to loose the only person she let into her life... I just happen to a guy.
I highly recommend, you take people's advice here and talk about it.... . You need to get past the ambiguity and move into clear relationship. Its very dangerous not to do so... you are both setting yourselves up for a whole lot of hurt. As long as you have this very close relationship with her, you will neither "be here" nor "there... neither will feel comfortable moving on towards a serious relationship with someone else. If one of you does, it sets the other one for hurt. You get stuck. Ask her for a date... see how it goes... and then talk about your relationship afterwards.
I had a close friendship with another girl earlier in life... I mistook affection for friendship. We weren't "that" close yet... certainly felt like we were headed in that direction. I was devastated..... I hurt for months. I couldn't be around her as a friend... we eventually stopped talking. I lost a good friend... one that I had grown up with (or parents knew each other too) Thinking back, if my future wife had done the same..... it would have hurt A WHOLE lot more. Fortunately for us, it worked out. I have reconnected with my close friend.. but only in passing.... just to say hi really. It does make me sad at times.
As I said, we've been married for 13 years now... We have had our share of ups and downs. Occasionally, we defaulted back to our old behaviors of not addressing the issues head on when all we needed to do was simply talking about it. Each time, it made it difficult to progress in our relationship together. A lot of it stems from her childhood... some from my own inability to adequately communicate feelings. If you carry this avoidance into a marriage ... it can be equally painful. We are happy together... our relationship require both to be transparent, honest, and clear in order to keep going.
There are no short cuts or skipping... relationships require both parties to work at it and enjoy the benefits as a couple.
I want a pony. I can't get one without taking the steps to get one.
If he wants to hook up, that's a fine way to go.
He wants to jump to the end, before starting the beginning.
Wait, is someone giving out ponies? I really want a pony, but I'd probably need to be 6 ft tall and make at least X $ per year and have a car, etc, to get a pony, so what's the point?
But wait again, I am those things, and yet still no pony .
I just kept it sexual so there wasn't any confusion about whether I wanted to be friends or more. I can't tell you what made me successful, sometimes I'm not, but I don't think going on a proper "date" would have improved my odds any. Women usually bring up the "what are, where is this going" talk, so I've never had to deal with that.
But the current relationship the OP is in is not sexual.
And he is the one that wants to bring it up, not to wait for her.
I never wanted to wait until the other person decides its convenient to bring it up anyway, personally.
Was he ever in the kind of "friendship" that the OP is in?
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