how do i know if he's interested? (dating, wife, movies)

[Tzaphkiel]

Nice guy at work, we talk, how do I know if he's interested in anything beyond that? He gives me compliments, seems to light up when he sees me, but how do I know if he is dating potential? Wait for him to ask me out? How do you make that leap when there is someone you are interested in, beyond just casual conversation? Help! I feel like I'm in 8th grade all over again (and he and I are both around age 50).

[miu]

Is it wise to be dating someone that you work with? Would it be cool with the management? And what happens if you dated him and he turned out to be a jerk? I sure as heck wouldn't anyone I worked with.

[goldenmom7500]

Good point, miu. But, in terms of the basic question of how to know ... you could either ask him out, or you could so more of a "a group of us are going to this thing do you want to go?" or you could do a "have you seen this movie?" and see if he jumps. In movies, people seem to say "are you taking your GIRLFRIEND to that movie?" and they say "oh, I don't have a girlfriend!".

[miu]

A good way to break the ice is to ask him to lunch and see how the two of you really get along.

[goldenmom7500]

Lunch, perfect. I once asked a guy to meet me to tell me about a Ph.D. program (I was being recruited by the school where he had done his). I know it was transparent, it had to be, but it wasn't until the last 5 minutes of a 2 hour conversation that he brought up his girlfriend. ugh!

[miu]

Being lunch buddies first is good. Between being coworkers and the age of 50, I'd think that you'd want to progress slowly and get to know him better before kicking into a full romance mode. I'm about the same age and there's lots more about me to tell and explain than when I was 20. So get to know his life history and philosophy on life first and share yours with him. Then only after that, decide if you still want to date him.

[Metlakatla]

You could try conking him on the head with a bottle of Pinot Noir and dragging him back to your cave. That's how we do it up here in Alaska. Just make sure you don't whack him so hard you bust the bottle.

Seriously, I don't see a problem in dating someone you're working with (well actually I know it can and does cause problems for people every day but what the hell, eh?)

Mui is right; establish something outside of work and see what happens.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

Nice guy at work, we talk, how do I know if he's interested in anything beyond that? He gives me compliments, seems to light up when he sees me, but how do I know if he is dating potential? Wait for him to ask me out? How do you make that leap when there is someone you are interested in, beyond just casual conversation? Help! I feel like I'm in 8th grade all over again (and he and I are both around age 50).

He might fear dating anyone from work, in the event it goes south, it makes for a real sticky mess when you have to work together, including embarrassment b/c it gets around pretty quickly when co workers date each other....

I would ask him how he feels when your talking sometime....don't be afraid of rejection, as it isn't rejection...he simply might want to only remain friends...which is of great value. Respect it, if that is what he wants....but also, together, if you decide to date, I would keep it casual for a while.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by miu

Is it wise to be dating someone that you work with? Would it be cool with the management? And what happens if you dated him and he turned out to be a jerk? I sure as heck wouldn't anyone I worked with.

good point, i think i'm just restless...also not a good place to take action from!

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by goldenmom7500

Lunch, perfect. I once asked a guy to meet me to tell me about a Ph.D. program (I was being recruited by the school where he had done his). I know it was transparent, it had to be, but it wasn't until the last 5 minutes of a 2 hour conversation that he brought up his girlfriend. ugh!

I like the lunch idea, especially at work it's so easy to "run into" someone and say "Do you want to meet for lunch sometime," especially here because we tend to all have 30 minute lunch and you can't go anywhere except somewhere on campus.

Then too it's easy to say sometime during whatever comes up, like visiting the new grandbaby or whatever (he just had one), "I bet your wife is really excited since it's the first" and see what comes forth.

I think I need to learn some patience and sitting in the "between places" like this one. Also with this guy in particular, what if two people are both really shy about indicating an interest in the other, then what?