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Old 03-12-2015, 09:31 AM
 
5 posts, read 6,200 times
Reputation: 10

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I'm very upset about this. I'm 22 and I've never had a boyfriend. The one who came close was a boy I met last year. He was 3 years older then me, he was gorgeous, kind and just everything I ever wanted. One day he messaged me on facebook saying that I seemed cool and he'd like to be friends. I gave him my number and we started texting everyday. Eventually we met at his place and went out for coffee. At the end of our night I was so nervous I was shaking when I told him goodbye, anticipating that he may never call again after our awkward first date but he texted as soon as I left telling me he had a great time and that he'd like to meet again!
We went out once a week for about a month and everything was great. On our third "date" he asked me to sleep over at his apartment and I said sure. We were cuddling a lot on his couch that night, I felt very uncomfortable because I'm not a touchy feely type of person. I decided not to stay that night. The next time though I did. He wanted me to sleep in bed with him but I decided to sleep on the couch and he was fine with that. The next morning we got up and had breakfast everything was going fine until I let lust take over and I kissed him. We started making out. He said that he "wasn't expecting that" he said he thought I didn't like him. I wanted to make things less awkward so I told him that it was my first kiss and I never had a boyfriend before. This had the opposite effect... He started to drift away after I told him this. I asked him if I could be his girlfriend and he said "I don't know... Does that mean I can't talk to ther girls?" He still asked me to come hangout with him though so I did. I couldn't control myself in his presence anymore. We had "oral" sex twice and the second night he begged me to stay after we had finished but I didn't have permission from my mom to stay the night so I left.
He stopped contacting me after this. I tried texting him frequently and he would usually reply. Then I asked him if we could "hangout" again and he texted "I don't think that's a good idea. I can't date anyone right now and I don't think it's right to keep up this friends with benefits thing. It's just too soon for me." I was heart broken. I asked if we could still be friends and I apologized for making things awkward and he replied "sure we can be friends. It's going to be hard not trying to kiss you though. You didn't do anything wrong and I didn't feel pressured into anything."
After that he deleted his facebook and stopped contacting me. He put his Facebook back up after a month and we started talking alittle but I could tell he felt uncomfortable. I was later so desperate to see him again that I asked if we could go see a movie for my birthday because all of my friends were out of town at a convention. Looking back now I see this made me look like a huge loser. The meet up was very awkward but I was so happy just being with him again. After this though he stopped talking to me completely.
A few months went by and he texted me out of the blue saying he thought he saw me on the bus. I told him it wasn't me and he started getting flirty with me again like he used to. He asked how I've been doing and we caught up but after that I didn't get another text from him. He still likes my facebook statuses frequently... This doesn't help me forget about him. He's mentioned on his Facebook that he is online dating now. He says that he's lonely and all he wants is true love. I don't know what to do. Should I delete him from facebook? I can't stand to see his Facebook updates anymore, they remind me of all the mistakes I have made. Should I give him my new number and try to reconnect? I don't want to stroke his ego. He's hurt me so bad already. I'm just afraid that I will never meet anyone better. I'll just get worse and worse with dating after all of these rejections. I think I am ugly and I have no self confidence. I've been bullied a lot in grade school and middle school for being the ugly girl and I was told I was to ugly to ever have a boyfriend. I just want a relationship so bad. I've always wanted to prove the bullies wrong. Since I met him I moved out to a small town and I live alone far away from my friends. Btw I rarely ever get asked out. I can recall 3 times in my life where I've been asked out by a guy. I feel undesirable. All of my friends are happy and successful with thier relationships I've told them my story but they cannot relate. What are your thoughts on this situation?

Last edited by Batjokes92; 03-12-2015 at 09:42 AM..
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Old 03-12-2015, 09:51 AM
 
Location: In a place beyond human comprehension
7,552 posts, read 4,812,084 times
Reputation: 12337
This whole situation sounds like a huge mess.

I'm gonna try to address it subjectively. As far as not having a bf at 22 why is that a bad thing? it seems like you are looking for a relationship for validation rather than to actual form a real bond with someone. That's not what relationships are for. I'm almost 22 and not been in a relationship either and most guys I liked it never went anywhere so I understand how that can be frustrating. I would suggest taking a look within and seeing what it is that is truly bothering you.You need to work on your self esteem. Getting a boyfriend won't solve your problems.

As far as the guy goes....I would just delete him from fb and quite talking to him. You got too emotionally invested in him and that in itself will hold you back from getting your confidence to a healthy level. He doesn't sound like a bad guy but having a friends with benefits situation will likely just end up hurting the both of you because of your inexperience and his reluctance. Cut all contact and delete him from facebook so it'll be easier for you to move on. Quit comparing yourself to other people and your friends and live YOUR life.
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:00 PM
 
5 posts, read 6,200 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraliea View Post
This whole situation sounds like a huge mess.

I'm gonna try to address it subjectively. As far as not having a bf at 22 why is that a bad thing? it seems like you are looking for a relationship for validation rather than to actual form a real bond with someone. That's not what relationships are for. I'm almost 22 and not been in a relationship either and most guys I liked it never went anywhere so I understand how that can be frustrating. I would suggest taking a look within and seeing what it is that is truly bothering you.You need to work on your self esteem. Getting a boyfriend won't solve your problems.

As far as the guy goes....I would just delete him from fb and quite talking to him. You got too emotionally invested in him and that in itself will hold you back from getting your confidence to a healthy level. He doesn't sound like a bad guy but having a friends with benefits situation will likely just end up hurting the both of you because of your inexperience and his reluctance. Cut all contact and delete him from facebook so it'll be easier for you to move on. Quit comparing yourself to other people and your friends and live YOUR life.
How can I prevent my relationships from becoming another huge mess in the future? I can't control my emotions, I get anxious very easily around people,I just imagine it'll be so much worse if I tried to date someone.

The very idea of deleting him from Facebook and never seeing him again makes me cry. I don't think I'm ready to let go. I need to see there's hope for me in meeting someone new before I delete him from my life entirely. I think he still likes me, I just messed this up so bad and I can't seem to forgive myself.
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:41 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,685,127 times
Reputation: 11932
You need to work on your self esteem before you even THINK about a relationship.

No one likes a human barnacle.

Get some help, now. These abandonment/self esteem issues will haunt you forever if you don't.
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:47 PM
 
5 posts, read 6,200 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
You need to work on your self esteem before you even THINK about a relationship.

No one likes a human barnacle.

Get some help, now. These abandonment/self esteem issues will haunt you forever if you don't.
I've been trying to get help. I see a councler every other week, I've been seeing her for months but I'm not getting better. I've been to a phycyatrist, he prescribed me Zoloft but I haven't felt any better from it yet. Apparently I'm on a waiting list to see a phycologist right now. I don't know what other help I can get.
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Old 03-12-2015, 12:50 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,685,127 times
Reputation: 11932
Quote:
Originally Posted by Batjokes92 View Post
I've been trying to get help. I see a councler every other week, I've been seeing her for months but I'm not getting better. I've been to a phycyatrist, he prescribed me Zoloft but I haven't felt any better from it yet. Apparently I'm on a waiting list to see a phycologist right now. I don't know what other help I can get.
That's good I suppose.

Did you know that you have an entire LIFE to have relationships in, that theres no rush, no deadline?

Do you go to school, because education should be a priority at a young age?
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Old 03-12-2015, 01:19 PM
 
5 posts, read 6,200 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper View Post
That's good I suppose.

Did you know that you have an entire LIFE to have relationships in, that theres no rush, no deadline?

Do you go to school, because education should be a priority at a young age?
I did graduate college for graphic design. I was very good at it, unfortunatly the city I live closest to is rather small and the graphic design jobs are a rare find. I'm currently working for my step fathers buisness. IM not making any money here. Theyre just paying me for room and board. My step dad paid me for the first 2 weeks then said "we can't afford to pay you" so I'm on well fair right now. I've tried job hunting but nothing ever gets past the interview stage for me. I'm currently seeing an employment councler but there isn't much he can do for me anymore. I wish I lived in a big city. I believe I have talent but I live in an area that is "small town" so there aren't many opportunities out there for me to reach my full potential.

Is that really true? There's no deadline for getting into your first relationship? I feel like I'm missing out on such an important experience not being involved with someone romantically. I'm scared that my lack of experience will scare men off just as It did with my "ex".
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Old 03-12-2015, 01:26 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,972 posts, read 69,907,126 times
Reputation: 75762
OP, you can set up your own graphic design business over the internet, and get clients nation-wide and internationally. If you're good, they will come.
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Old 03-12-2015, 03:05 PM
 
Location: las vegas
186 posts, read 181,799 times
Reputation: 234
If seeing his name and face on facebook constantly reminds you of how it was before things got awkward you should probably delete him. Since you did tell him you have never had a bf he probably feels like he can make you fall for him. He clearly told he can't do the "Friends with benefits" thing. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS lol seriously that's how he saw you just as a friend not girlfriend material. Move on there are plently of men out there that aren't about physical beauty.
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Old 03-12-2015, 03:50 PM
 
165 posts, read 112,706 times
Reputation: 62
1. I'm sorry, but you either need to delete him on Facebook or just not contact or see him again. I don't think he's interested in the type of relationship you're looking for.

Look, I am telling you right now that you are not alone, and you DO NOT need to feel ugly, ashamed, or unworthy just because you've never been in a relationship yet. I'm turning 21 in a week and my longest "relationships" were 1 month and 4 months. You need to focus on yourself right now. Get your career going further, push yourself to move out on your own and work on being happy with yourself. Do you have any close friends you can trust? Maybe start going out to eat with them, go to some bars, just go laugh and have a good time. There is someone out there for you, I promise. It's not this guy you're talking about though, he doesn't really seem to be treating you the way that you deserve. Trust me, this advice is easier to give than to receive but it's the truth.

This summer was when I had my first one month fling, and when it ended I thought I would never find another guy that I liked as much as him. A few months later, I found someone I clicked with even more. You just need to focus on yourself, stay motivated on improving your own life, and let the relationships happen naturally.
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