U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
View Poll Results: Mother/wife ambitions less attractive than hyper career ambitions?
Yes 24 29.63%
No 57 70.37%
Voters: 81. You may not vote on this poll

Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 03-17-2015, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
21,734 posts, read 21,618,824 times
Reputation: 21387

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
And they can work for most of that time.
But that's not equal.
There are doctor appointments, actual hospital and recovery time, complications, more doctor appointments. What of child care, lost sleep, sickness. Are you prepared to risk your job, promotions, etc. by taking excessive sick leave time, unexpected days off and being unavailable for overtime or travel?

I'm not faulting you for not wanting a permanent full time SAHM, but even with a working wife I seriously doubt it can be financially or otherwise equal.

 
Old 03-17-2015, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,491 posts, read 41,679,184 times
Reputation: 50197
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Wow, must be nice. Being a stay-at-home spouse/parent is not really an option that most men get to even contemplate, much less exercise.
It is nice. For most of my life, I wasn't at all sure that getting a graduate degree OR becoming a parent would be in the cards, let alone that I'd ever be able to afford not to work full time, so I'm pretty delighted with the choices we've made that support the life we want. We made a lot of conscious choices to get to this point and have put a lot of time into making sure our choices work for our family.
 
Old 03-17-2015, 02:43 PM
 
376 posts, read 248,472 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
It is nice. For most of my life, I wasn't at all sure that getting a graduate degree OR becoming a parent would be in the cards, let alone that I'd ever be able to afford not to work full time, so I'm pretty delighted with the choices we've made that support the life we want. We made a lot of conscious choices to get to this point and have put a lot of time into making sure our choices work for our family.
Was your husband being the stay-at-home parent ever on the table?
 
Old 03-17-2015, 02:45 PM
 
376 posts, read 248,472 times
Reputation: 214
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
But that's not equal.
There are doctor appointments, actual hospital and recovery time, complications, more doctor appointments. What of child care, lost sleep, sickness. Are you prepared to risk your job, promotions, etc. by taking excessive sick leave time, unexpected days off and being unavailable for overtime or travel?

I'm not faulting you for not wanting a permanent full time SAHM, but even with a working wife I seriously doubt it can be financially or otherwise equal.
Yeah, equality sucks sometimes.

I guess women will just have to take the good with the bad, like men always have.
 
Old 03-17-2015, 03:51 PM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,772,379 times
Reputation: 4043
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound View Post
Yeah, you're right, SAHM aren't your equal.

They probably log in more hours handling all the business of kids and a house than you do at your job.
No.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
And by that logic, a family with a sufficient amount of money should be perfectly happy and healthy regardless of the origins of the money. So, if a household can afford for one parent to stay home for any period of time, what's the problem?
It's already been addressed, but this isn't what he said.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
So, really, where are these women that want to be SAHM's? I've never met one. What are they doing right now? Through their 20's and 30's?

I just don't get this scenario even playing out in real life.
Oh, there are plenty. I dated a bunch in Utah, where (at the risk of stereotyping a bit), it's the ultimate goal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Wow, must be nice. Being a stay-at-home spouse/parent is not really an option that most men get to even contemplate, much less exercise.
Agreed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Are you talking about the women who never plan to work again? Yeah those women tend to be lazy but not the majority....

I know a few women who never worked again, even when the kids are in school and they are lazy usually.
I believe this is the demographic the OP refers to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
But that's not equal.
There are doctor appointments, actual hospital and recovery time, complications, more doctor appointments. What of child care, lost sleep, sickness. Are you prepared to risk your job, promotions, etc. by taking excessive sick leave time, unexpected days off and being unavailable for overtime or travel?

I'm not faulting you for not wanting a permanent full time SAHM, but even with a working wife I seriously doubt it can be financially or otherwise equal
.
The underlined is an important point and why, while I empathize with TheSmuggler's posts, if I were interested in a wife/children/family, I couldn't possibly expect a financial EQUAL.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Was your husband being the stay-at-home parent ever on the table?
You know the answer to this.



People are jumping on TheSmuggler's posts in my opinion because they're contrary and in the minority (and a little bit of tone, but we're all a bit sensitive to that). Most of my thoughts on this have been covered in other threads. If a couple is happy, they should always do what works for them. Do I look down on women whose goal is to be a SAHM? Sure. Should they care? Of course not.

Why do I feel this way? Because I don't consider the roles equal. That's also been covered in other threads and rehashing it isn't gonna change anybody's mind. I will point out that I've never met a woman in my life who chose to be the working parent, supporting a SAHD. Some of the women I know are in that situation out of necessity, but every single one, without exception, laments it.

Last edited by Hivemind31; 03-17-2015 at 04:08 PM..
 
Old 03-17-2015, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,491 posts, read 41,679,184 times
Reputation: 50197
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Was your husband being the stay-at-home parent ever on the table?
Probably after he retires from the military. There aren't many billets that don't require being on a ship, base, or reserve center. In fact, once he retires, he'd be THRILLED to.

And, given that it's his military service that enables me to further my education, it seems like a great opportunity for him. However, his retirement won't occur for another several years at minimum (longer if he advances to the next rank), so I'll be the one taking first shift at the SAH role.
 
Old 03-17-2015, 04:09 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,912,344 times
Reputation: 22134
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31 View Post
No.



It's already been addressed, but this isn't what he said.



Oh, there are plenty. I dated a bunch in Utah, where (at the risk of stereotyping a bit), it's the ultimate goal.



Agreed.



I believe this is the demographic the OP refers to.



The underlined is an important point and why, while I empathize with TheSmuggler's posts, if I were interested in a wife/children/family, I couldn't possibly expect a financial EQUAL.



You know the answer to this.



People are jumping on TheSmuggler's posts in my opinion because they're contrary and in the minority (and a little bit of tone, but we're all a bit sensitive to that). Most of my thoughts on this have been covered in other threads. If a couple is happy, they should always do what works for them. Do I look down on women whose goal is to be a SAHM? Sure. Should they care? Of course not.

Why do I feel this way? Because I don't consider the roles equal. That's also been covered in other threads and rehashing it isn't gonna change anybody's mind. I will point out that I've never met a woman in my life who chose to be the working parent, supporting a SAHD. Some of the ones I know are in that situation out of necessity, but every single one, without exception, laments it.
Well, the roles aren't equal. They are different. It's kind of silly to try to equate these things. It's also silly to have a thread asking if you think less of anyone. I don't typically spend my time thinking about who I think less of.

It's sort of like comparing teachers and doctors. Their roles aren't equal. They are different. Doctor's save lives but without teachers, we probably wouldn't have doctors.
 
Old 03-17-2015, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,912,344 times
Reputation: 22134
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSmuggler View Post
Was your husband being the stay-at-home parent ever on the table?
My husband's profession is far more stable than mine so that would have been really stupid of us. Also, my husband has no desire to be a stay-at-home parent. I didn't know what I would want to do but I'm glad that I had the freedom to make that decision for myself. My husband prefers me to stay at home - but he would support me (emotionally) no matter what I decided to do.

I have friends in which the husband is or was the stay-at-home parent. The wives made big money. It made sense.
 
Old 03-17-2015, 04:17 PM
 
4,608 posts, read 3,772,379 times
Reputation: 4043
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
Well, the roles aren't equal. They are different. It's kind of silly to try to equate these things. It's also silly to have a thread asking if you think less of anyone. I don't typically spend my time thinking about who I think less of.

It's sort of like comparing teachers and doctors. Their roles aren't equal. They are different. Doctor's save lives but without teachers, we probably wouldn't have doctors.
Oh, I totally agree. I try to put myself in the mind of someone who would ask such a thing and figure it's something along the lines of, "I'm considering XYZ. Could I be judged for doing XYZ?" (tip: The answer is always yes, someone will judge you for everything).

And that's an excellent analogy as well (teacher/doctor), for many reasons (I love good analogies, so kudos!). In fact, I have many of the same opinions of teacher vs. doctor as I do SAHM vs. proverbial "breadwinner". At the risk of hijacking, there are other threads by teachers (or whatever role someone might put in this analogy) that insist they're underpaid or overworked, or what have you.....and they get to me in the exact same way as threads like this can.
 
Old 03-17-2015, 06:19 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
2,386 posts, read 2,980,540 times
Reputation: 2837
Participation in any thread is voluntary.

I made this thread and poll after conversations about opinions on women who choose and are able to spend the majority of their time with their family instead of at work. It surprisingly is a popular relationships topic.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:31 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top