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View Poll Results: Mother/wife ambitions less attractive than hyper career ambitions?
Yes 24 29.63%
No 57 70.37%
Voters: 81. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-12-2015, 11:14 PM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,457,074 times
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I've been a working mom and a SAHM. Both were fine for us, but we are happier now I stay home. I do 100 % of housework, all of the cooking/shopping/errands/homework/after school stuff. Some days I do get to relax and read a book, but I also need time off just like my husband.

Most days I am very busy. Car needs to be taken in for maintenance or repairs- I do it. Insurance claim and someone has to be home for the workers...me.
It's not that each part of my day is tough, but the sum total keeps me busy. Health insurance phone calls can take an hour. Ugh.

It works for us right now.

 
Old 03-13-2015, 12:57 AM
 
5,609 posts, read 8,527,914 times
Reputation: 7689
Depends.

Are we talking about her taking 5 or 10 years to stay at home with with kids, and after they are all in school atleast do SOMETHING productive with her time or like my buddy's fiancée:


(she's 25, he's 30)
She "put him on notice" the other day that when she has a kid (plan is in 2ish years) she is NOT returning to work EVER!!!

She only works <20hours/week NOW, (has a degree, works retail, makes no bones about the fact she was after a "MRS degree") and complains ago how hard it is.

He works 54 hours/week and is about to take on a 2nd job!
Oh, he does the cooking and he was bitching to me that her only "chore" is laundry, and she doesn't do that!

THAT! Is NOT ok with me. I'd of kicked her to the curb onthe first date, but he likes "taking care of someone"

Hope so, since she's planning to live off him working for the next 55+ years!


-I've been self employed for years, leads to me being places when most men are working.... I see the trophy wives, kids in school, no Job, out spending their husbands money, or complaining/cheating on them because "he has no time for me" "he's so tired when he comes home and I want to DO STUFF"
(well no ****! He's busing his ass to support you!)

Beig a mother to little ones is a full time job, and I'd perfer if/when I have a wife/kids she stay home with them (or me) till they start school.
After that.... I don't need a cook and clean for me, I do that NOW!
 
Old 03-13-2015, 02:47 AM
 
1,256 posts, read 1,297,108 times
Reputation: 1024
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yiuppy View Post
Just wondering what the breakdown is here on CD.
What you describe seems to be an American way of seeing "traditional" woman. I always thought that the word "traditional" implies she's a virgin, but no, this definition of "traditional" woman is a woman who doesn't work or does less work. This forum only reinforced this idea because when people talk about "traditional woman" they draw an equation with a woman out of workforce or a woman who does a part-time job. The place I come from, a "traditional" woman means a woman who is a virgin and she isn't going to have sex with a guy who strikes her fancy.

During my life and dating in America, I learned to hate the word "traditional" for the fact that a woman who classify herself as such is generally a way to say that she expects you to pay on dates, buy stuff for her, plan everything, plus she eventually wants to have a leeway to drop out of workforce if her job is unsatisfying (or to work part-time), but she isn't a virgin and if she delays sex it's probably because she wants to trap some guy since she's getting old and she plans to get married and/or have children (you're just a side-effect), but no guy wanted to stay with her - since she's seen as a liability.

Last edited by nald; 03-13-2015 at 03:00 AM..
 
Old 03-13-2015, 03:00 AM
 
391 posts, read 398,593 times
Reputation: 350
Sort of, since it'll only be a single income household and I don't want children.
 
Old 03-13-2015, 03:21 AM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,645 posts, read 1,779,529 times
Reputation: 3324
In today's world it would be tough. What about your retirement? You expect to live off your husband's income the rest of your life? What if you divorce? How are you going to get a job with little to no college or work experience? I don't know your job or education background but those are some things to think about.
 
Old 03-13-2015, 07:50 AM
 
Location: NY
9,071 posts, read 14,980,293 times
Reputation: 11498
The thread title is a little misleading compared to the poll question. A man does not have to think less of a woman focused more on raising their child/children than on a FT working career even if they do not find it attractive in a potential mate.

I guess I do not see it as an issue of attraction or not, nor do I see it as something to cause me to look down at someone. I honestly have a ton of respect for mothers who can spend all day with very young kids. I love my daughter, but I know my nerves would be destroyed if I was a stay at home care giver too.

My best answer would be that my financial priorities for my future are as important as my desire to have a family, and I therefore feel it is important to balance both and not sacrifice one for the other. So when considering a family with someone, I would value women who would remain work/career oriented as mothers.
 
Old 03-13-2015, 08:06 AM
 
Location: Woodinville
3,185 posts, read 4,035,690 times
Reputation: 6267
I wish more families could afford the luxury of choosing whether to have one spouse stay home when kids come along. Unfortunately this isn't realistic for many people, particularly in high COL areas. I would never think less of anyone who aspires to staying home one day to raise kids and maintain the house.

BUT (that's a big but) all too often one spouse stays home and either takes a disproportionate amount of the housework upon themselves or takes none at all. Just because you stay home to raise kids doesn't mean your spouse gets to expect a spotless house with gourmet dinner every night. At the same time, the one who stays home is absolutely responsible for maintaining the household. Staying home is a job in itself, a difficult one at that. Having kids tire you out is no excuse to sit around watching Oprah 6 hours during the day.

Too often couples fail to reach a balance. The one that works needs to help out around the house and with the kids, and the one that stays home needs to give a bit of effort toward maintaining the house and kids while the other is at work all day.
 
Old 03-13-2015, 08:17 AM
 
5,609 posts, read 8,527,914 times
Reputation: 7689
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
I wish more families could afford the luxury of choosing whether to have one spouse stay home when kids come along. .

.
They do.


In the 1950's the average house was under 1,000 sqft, people had one car, one land line, no voicemail, no cell phones or computers, no cable TV, didn't eat out all the time, cooked from scratch etc.


Few people want to live like that today.
 
Old 03-13-2015, 08:21 AM
 
6,461 posts, read 6,457,074 times
Reputation: 9799
Quote:
Originally Posted by Garfunkle524 View Post
I wish more families could afford the luxury of choosing whether to have one spouse stay home when kids come along. Unfortunately this isn't realistic for many people, particularly in high COL areas. I would never think less of anyone who aspires to staying home one day to raise kids and maintain the house.

BUT (that's a big but) all too often one spouse stays home and either takes a disproportionate amount of the housework upon themselves or takes none at all. Just because you stay home to raise kids doesn't mean your spouse gets to expect a spotless house with gourmet dinner every night. At the same time, the one who stays home is absolutely responsible for maintaining the household. Staying home is a job in itself, a difficult one at that. Having kids tire you out is no excuse to sit around watching Oprah 6 hours during the day.

Too often couples fail to reach a balance. The one that works needs to help out around the house and with the kids, and the one that stays home needs to give a bit of effort toward maintaining the house and kids while the other is at work all day.
eh...I think of staying home right now as my job. I do almost everything in the home or related to the home. my husband helps with the child, but he doesn't need to do housework. I'm not looking for him to take care of me and mooch off him. we are equal partners. He is not my boss. I have worked and stayed home alternately, and they are both fine. anyone who thinks less of me is a fool and I don't give an ish. My husband is very thankful to have me, and vice versa. I can go back to my career anytime we decide its right for our family.
 
Old 03-13-2015, 08:21 AM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,695,971 times
Reputation: 20221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Themanwithnoname View Post
They do.


In the 1950's the average house was under 1,000 sqft, people had one car, one land line, no voicemail, no cell phones or computers, no cable TV, didn't eat out all the time, cooked from scratch etc.


Few people want to live like that today.
And a man's wages could support a family. Wages have stagnated so much since the 1970s that few middle class men can support their family any more. One of the reasons there was a mass influx into the workforce by women back in the late 1970s, early 1980s was for that very reason. It wasn't because people were being greedy and wanting more, it was due to the fact they couldn't maintain their current lifestyle.
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