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I've done the SAHM think before it wasn't for me. I didn't have the patience, my son drove me so crazy I almost had to take prozac. In fact everytime I do take off a significant amount of time from work to watch him, I'm often considering prozac. My mom was a SAHM for many years before she died. She told me that if she had to do it again she would never be a glorified babysitter again and she advised all of us not to, to pursue our careers. I don't look down on women who choose to stay at home. It's not for me, and I respect the women that can do it without wanting to pull their hair out. I would never be with a man who was okay with being a SAHD. Sorry, if I'm out there working hard hustling I'll be d**** if my man is at home with the kids, he needs to be out working too. Perhaps that's cold, but I want a man and a man for me is someone who can provide, protect, and lead. I wouldn't be able to respect him if he wasn't working and making money.
I do think kids need a parent at home, but realistically that isn't always possible and I know so many children that didn't have that style growing up and they grew up just fine.
I actually do know a stay at home dad, so this idea that some push about it being about mom staying at home live in another era. He does work sometimes though but his job is more of a freelance basis. He does the cleaning and cooking.
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Originally Posted by rumpa
See TheSmuggler ^^^ Perfect feminist response. Taking care of children & home is not respectable anymore. Feminism has ruined families thanks to devaluing traditional "women's work." Now no one wants to watch the kids they get outsourced to someone who can deal with them.
Why should it be just the moms? If a woman worked hard to get where she is why should have to throw it away? What about the dad. Not to mention many years ago many SAHM were unhappy pushed into that role. Feminism didn't ruin it, it gave women a choice.
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Originally Posted by Ankhharu
I never got this argument. The children are at school all day. Oddly enough, most houses where one parent is a stay at home parent, the house is almost always a disaster. What could you possibly be doing for 9 hours that keeps you from basic chores? They all complain about being bored. They don't use their free time to learn something new or anything other than sitting on the couch watching soaps. My cousins's wife is the worst. It's obvious she's a stay at home mom just to avoid working because both kids are in high school and old enough to drive. And their house looks like it was hit by hurricane katrina.
Honestly if the kids are in school and the mom doesn't work she is probably lazy, especially if she doesn't cook or clean. A friend of mine didnt work, her kids were in school yet her house was messy and she didn't cook. Her husband divorced her, can't blame him.
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Originally Posted by TheSmuggler
Perhaps posting on message boards all day.
And telling us it's the hardest job. If they are online all day then nope not hardest job.
+1. I always threaten to move to the apartment upstairs when current resident's work Visa is up. I'll come down and cook for them, take care of the laundry, etc... but upstairs will be my sanctuary: clutter-free and minimal furnishings.
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Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Re: housekeeping and messes, the main factor for that in my life seems to be more a matter of how messy/good about cleaning/picking up after himself my partner is, and that really doesn't seem to change regardless of whether I'm employeed full-time, a full-time student, a homemaker as I was for a few months at our last duty station, whatever. That isn't likely to change much pre- or post-baby. The vast majority of organizational issues in my house are the direct result of my husband's housekeeping habits. He does do a lot of cleaning and household chores, though, including all the laundry and a major part of the cooking...he's just sloppy with clutter and keeping things orderly and in their place. Most messes can be attributed to that, not to who's home to do cleaning and decluttering at a given time, whether a baby is in the picture, etc. There are definitely certain aspects of our house that will likely always be a mess, because he's not always great about picking up after himself, and I haven't the slightest inclination to either nag a grown man, or pick up after him. I'll consolidate things he needs to go through/put away/tend to into one spot for him to deal with, and clean around them, but beyond that, he's on his own. Keeping an organized house is not one person's job. 'Tis life...
I have friends that feel like they are better moms while working full time than staying at home all day with the children. I get that. I feel you can be a good parent whether you work or stay at home. What I don't understand are people that think LESS of someone because of their choice. I'm not saying that you are doing that - I don't feel that you are doing that. I think others are doing that. Which I just don't get.
Because the extremists on both sides. On one side you have the lazy SAHM who use it not to work. I've known a few in that category and it annoys me because they are the opposite of working hard yet claim they do. On the other hand you have to people who refuse to put work on hold to have kids and are workaholics. They often work 70 hours or so and the kids are raised by daycare. I don't think either is right. For example, if the working spouse (not always the man) has to work another job, then the stay at him parent should consider a part time job. I was lucky because my dad only worked 40 hours down the street and my mom went back to work when we were in school, but also because my dad lost his job and she wanted too. She has since told me she wishes she had never given up her job because she hated being a SAHM, and she is the first to say my sister in law is lazy (and she us, and was lazy before she even had my niece).
Because the extremists on both sides. On one side you have the lazy SAHM who use it not to work. I've known a few in that category and it annoys me because they are the opposite of working hard yet claim they do. On the other hand you have to people who refuse to put work on hold to have kids and are workaholics. They often work 70 hours or so and the kids are raised by daycare. I don't think either is right. For example, if the working spouse (not always the man) has to work another job, then the stay at him parent should consider a part time job. I was lucky because my dad only worked 40 hours down the street and my mom went back to work when we were in school, but also because my dad lost his job and she wanted too. She has since told me she wishes she had never given up her job because she hated being a SAHM, and she is the first to say my sister in law is lazy (and she us, and was lazy before she even had my niece).
I'm not sure what this has to do with anything that I said.
You sure stand in judgment of an awful lot of people. Why is your first thought, about so many people, a negative one?
I read her post and I felt a hot wave of wanting to drop some whup ass, but I thought I better keep my mouth shut. The one thing that amazes me is how she's managed to fly under the radar for so long.
From what I know of you, I don't find this surprising in the least.
To call a stay at home mom lazy is probably one of the most ignorant things I've read on this forum and man... that says a whole lot.
Mrs. Chow's mom had four kids and when I listen to the stories of them growing up and all the work her mother had to do and then to listen to that piece of drivel spouted off by someone that doesn't have a clue about raising children just sort of chaps me....
Last edited by Chowhound; 03-19-2015 at 03:31 PM..
To call a stay at home mom lazy is probably one of the most ignorant things I've read on this forum and man... that says a whole lot.
Mrs. Chow's mom had four kids and when I listen to the stories of them growing up and all the work her mother had to do and then to listen to that piece of drivel spouted off by someone that doesn't have a clue about raising children just sort of chaps me....
Why? They are in school until 3/3:30, the other spouse will probably be home by 7, and they will probably be in bed by 8. How is this hard? Pre-K kids are another story, but that's only 4-5 yrs and they usually need 12-18 hours of sleep during that time.
I'm not sure I could do it, but that's mostly because of boredom, not difficulty.
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