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Old 03-15-2015, 01:52 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,013,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
I'm not arguing with EVERYTHING you say. But I do reject bad advice, like what 70s Music Girl suggested. Seriously, why would I break up with Mary when things are going so well? The problem here isn't Mary. The problem is Jill. As for why I started this thread, it wasn't to solicit advice. I already decided how to deal with Jill, which is to leave her alone. The point of this thread was simply to try and understand why Jill is behaving the way she is.

Actually you think the problem is Jill but honestly if Jill was really that much of a problem most people who dislike unnecessary dramatics would have left Jill behind long ago to work out her issues, alone.

You will never understand why Jill is behaving the way she is because you are not Jill, you are not Jill's mind and you nor anyone else on the planet has any idea how Jill's thought process works.

The reason I mentioned you not telling anyone about Mary is because you did that not once but twice.

Once when you first started dating and the second time when the party was at the other complex, you neglected to mention you would be there with Mary.

So you either did not mention seeing Mary to Jill to spare her feelings or you were ashamed that you asked Mary out.
This is how I read your words which is simply how my thought process works because your words have told me what I have mentioned.
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:22 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,607,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Actually you think the problem is Jill but honestly if Jill was really that much of a problem most people who dislike unnecessary dramatics would have left Jill behind long ago to work out her issues, alone.
Did you read the part where I said that I did, in fact, leave her behind to work out her issues? Did you read the part where I said I'm continuing to leave her alone to work out her issues? She's the one who contacted me. Not the other way around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
You will never understand why Jill is behaving the way she is because you are not Jill, you are not Jill's mind and you nor anyone else on the planet has any idea how Jill's thought process works.
Judging by some of the responses to this thread, at least a few women think they have some idea how Jill's mind works.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
The reason I mentioned you not telling anyone about Mary is because you did that not once but twice.

Once when you first started dating and the second time when the party was at the other complex, you neglected to mention you would be there with Mary.

So you either did not mention seeing Mary to Jill to spare her feelings or you were ashamed that you asked Mary out.
Or maybe I just didn't tell Jill because it's none of her business. I shouldn't have to tell Jill every time I start dating someone new nor should I have to tell her every time Mary and I are planning to show up some place where Jill might potentially be. Mary and I had only been on 3 dates by the time I told Jill. You act as though I'd been seeing Mary for 6 months. I don't tell my other friends every time I start dating someone. I don't tell my other friends. So what makes Jill so special that I have to tell her before anyone else?

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
This is how I read your words which is simply how my thought process works because your words have told me what I have mentioned.
Actually, that's just how you're interpreting my words. I see nothing in my words that suggests I'm ashamed of Mary. If that were the case, I wouldn't have gone to that event with her and allowed myself to be seen with her. As for Jill's feelings, I'm not too worried about sparing those either. If I had been, I either would've warned her ahead of time or I wouldn't have gone in the first place.
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:29 PM
 
3,956 posts, read 3,185,656 times
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If you feel like you and Mary have a future together, I hope you don't let Jill interfere with that.

How does Mary feel about all of this?
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:47 PM
 
Location: So Cal
14,558 posts, read 10,699,754 times
Reputation: 13919
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
If you feel like you and Mary have a future together, I hope you don't let Jill interfere with that.

How does Mary feel about all of this?
Good question.

EDIT: This just occurred to me: Maybe Jill likes Mary. lol
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Old 03-15-2015, 02:59 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,607,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
How does Mary feel about all of this?
Mary is just as confused by Jill's behavior as I am. And despite the mean things Jill has said about her, Mary still wants to be friends with Jill. She even wants Jill and me to be friends again. Mary also revealed that back in the Fall (long before she and I started dating), Jill was thinking of setting me with up with one of Mary's friends. I do recall Jill showing me a picture of her, but I made it clear I wasn't interested. The point, though, is that if Jill were interested in me, I doubt she would be trying to set me up with one of Mary's friends.

When Mary and I first started dating, she had the same attitude as me. Let's just go out of a few times and see how things go before we start telling all of our friends that we're dating. Mary agrees that the best course of action now is to leave Jill alone. At the event, Mary was friendly when Jill passed by, but Jill refused to even acknowledge Mary's presence.
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Old 03-15-2015, 03:01 PM
 
3,050 posts, read 2,632,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
I'm not arguing with EVERYTHING you say. But I do reject bad advice, like what 70s Music Girl suggested. Seriously, why would I break up with Mary when things are going so well? The problem here isn't Mary. The problem is Jill. As for why I started this thread, it wasn't to solicit advice. I already decided how to deal with Jill, which is to leave her alone. The point of this thread was simply to try and understand why Jill is behaving the way she is.
Yes, your thread asked for insight. We gave it to you. You refuted everything the women have said. You asked for WOMEN to give you insight so we did. Take it for what it's worth or don't start threads asking for insight.

CSD is right; the only person who really knows is Jill.

And SeaofGrass may have a point
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Old 03-15-2015, 03:04 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,607,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving View Post
You refuted everything the women have said.
False. I refuted only the parts that couldn't be supported by the facts.
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Old 03-15-2015, 03:13 PM
 
3,050 posts, read 2,632,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
False. I refuted only the parts that couldn't be supported by the facts.
Facts aren't the same as feelings.

People have suggested that Jill has feelings for you, but you say she has tried to get you to start dating.

People have suggested that Jill doesn't like Mary, but you say they are friends apart from your friendship with them.

People have suggested that Jill feels left out, but you say again that she tried to get you to date.

The truth is that it could be all of these things and more. You are in your 40s. Have you not learned by now that humans are fickle as **** and don't know what they want half the time? Jill doesn't sound like she's super balanced to begin with, so she probably thought she'd be fine with you dating... until *gasp* you started dating Mary.

Maybe she can't figure out why Mary can get a man and she can't?
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Old 03-15-2015, 03:56 PM
 
8,468 posts, read 13,607,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving View Post
Facts aren't the same as feelings.

People have suggested that Jill has feelings for you, but you say she has tried to get you to start dating.

People have suggested that Jill doesn't like Mary, but you say they are friends apart from your friendship with them.

People have suggested that Jill feels left out, but you say again that she tried to get you to date.
And exactly what part of what I've said is factually incorrect? Jill has tried to get me to start dating. That's a fact, not a feeling. Mary and Jill were friends. That's a fact, not a feeling. I'm more than willing to hear people's theories. That's why I started this thread. But if the facts don't support those theories, then of course I'm going to point that out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving View Post
Jill doesn't sound like she's super balanced to begin with, so she probably thought she'd be fine with you dating... until *gasp* you started dating Mary.
Except that Mary isn't the first person I've dated. There were others and Jill never had a problem when I dated them. It's only now when I started dating Mary that she suddenly has a problem, not just with Mary, but with me as well. I don't think Jill dislikes Mary personally since they were friends before. But clearly, Jill is upset about something that's true about Mary that wasn't true about anyone else I dated. Could it simply be that Mary was her friend and not a complete stranger? Maybe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving View Post
Maybe she can't figure out why Mary can get a man and she can't?
And if you look back at an earlier post, you'll see that it was, in fact, me who suggested this. I pointed out how Jill compared herself to Mary in terms of their age and appearance. But in the time that Mary and Jill have been friends, Mary has dated other people and it never seemed to bother Jill. So it can't simply be that Mary, an overweight woman over 40 is able to get a man while Jill, who's also an overweight woman over 40, can't. So clearly the issue here has something to do with the particular man Mary is dating now. And btw, I never flat out rejected the idea that Jill might have feelings for me. I just said that it's hard to reconcile with her previous actions since it was she who encouraged me to date and even tried to set me up with Mary's friend.
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Old 03-15-2015, 06:34 PM
 
3,050 posts, read 2,632,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
And exactly what part of what I've said is factually incorrect? Jill has tried to get me to start dating. That's a fact, not a feeling. Mary and Jill were friends. That's a fact, not a feeling. I'm more than willing to hear people's theories. That's why I started this thread. But if the facts don't support those theories, then of course I'm going to point that out.



Except that Mary isn't the first person I've dated. There were others and Jill never had a problem when I dated them. It's only now when I started dating Mary that she suddenly has a problem, not just with Mary, but with me as well. I don't think Jill dislikes Mary personally since they were friends before. But clearly, Jill is upset about something that's true about Mary that wasn't true about anyone else I dated. Could it simply be that Mary was her friend and not a complete stranger? Maybe.



And if you look back at an earlier post, you'll see that it was, in fact, me who suggested this. I pointed out how Jill compared herself to Mary in terms of their age and appearance. But in the time that Mary and Jill have been friends, Mary has dated other people and it never seemed to bother Jill. So it can't simply be that Mary, an overweight woman over 40 is able to get a man while Jill, who's also an overweight woman over 40, can't. So clearly the issue here has something to do with the particular man Mary is dating now. And btw, I never flat out rejected the idea that Jill might have feelings for me. I just said that it's hard to reconcile with her previous actions since it was she who encouraged me to date and even tried to set me up with Mary's friend.
Ok so basically you were bored on a Sunday and just wanted to start a thread to kill time. You already knew everything.

Got it.

This is why I say it's not worth it to try to help people on here.
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