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I don't think every marriage is like this, but a generic example:
Husband and wife both are educated and have potential for a good career. When they begin to plan children, it is mutually agreed upon that the wife stay home with the kids. As a result of this, she is not in the workforce, and is not able to advance her career. Her husband, freed from the bulk of child rearing responsibilities and other responsibilities in the household, can devote more energy to furthering his career. Their children benefit, and they save money (no day care) by having the mom stay at home. This is a completely mutual decision. They both think it's best for the kids and the family.
So in ten or twenty years, the wife is that many years behind in whatever career she might have had. Meanwhile, the husband is flourishing in his career, unencumbered by some of the responsibilities that might have fallen on his shoulders had his wife worked full time.
Then they divorce, and the wife is where? Having to almost start from scratch, a decade or two out of the workforce, middle aged perhaps? Meanwhile, the husband hasn't had any interruption to his work record.
And somehow, there will be men who say she's a "parasite" if she gets support from her ex?
He knew the score going in, and this is what he agreed to and wanted at the time.
Probably it wouldn't do for the ex-wife to not seek some employment, when her kids were all grown and out of the house. But whatever job she's able to get would be way less than what she would have earned if she'd never stayed at home to care for those kids. Which is something that her husband wanted her to do.
If he decides later on that he wants a younger model, he can't just throw away this "older model" and say "See ya!" as if she's nothing more than hired help.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHA!!!!!!!
Yea, no.
Most of what I've seen the WOMAN "decides" she no longer wants to work once she "becomes a mommie"
Since he now has children (it wasn't Kipling who called children "hostages to freedom.... Was it?) and KNOWING that now she's in e drivers seat with the courts (and as they say: "if momma ain't happy, then nobody's happy" he gives in.)
So.... After 20-30 years (long after the kids are gone) of him supporting her sitting on her ass/spending his money (and complaining about "him having no time for her" (meaning play when she's bored and he is exhausted) he gets tired of the shrew leach.
And you believe that BECAUSE he supported her sitting on her ass.... He should keep paying for her to sit on her ass!!!
Fine.
But let's keep the quid pro quo if you want to keep the quid pro quo.
Make her come over to vacuum 1x/ week, make dinner at least a couple times, and say a weekly BJ.
Because after all.... He's still paying.... Right!?!?!
And no, I'm not one of those idiots y'all try to smear the label on of every guy who sees how much the courts are screwing guys.... So don't bother.
Yeah, yes. RedZin knows a couple in the exact situation I outlined. Here, let me quote her for you:
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin
Exactly. You just described the scenario with the couple I mentioned. She's a really sweet woman. She's already thinking about potential ways to re-enter the workforce, but realistically? She's been out far too long to make what she would've made if she never had stopped working.
This woman's husband wanted her to quit work to take care of the kids. Then later on he cheated on her with a younger model, and you still want to paint this woman as some sort of leech, because her cheating hubby insisted she stay at home all those years? And she's just supposed to pick up where she left off, job-wise, with no consideration to what she gave up at his insistence?
Quote:
And you believe that BECAUSE he supported her sitting on her ass.... He should keep paying for her to sit on her ass!!!
There are all sorts of family situations. Not all wives are female leeches who lie and deceive their husbands into believing that they'll work full-time throughout the marriage, only to pull a switcharoo, sit at home eating bon-bons while he weakly caves in because he simply has no choice in the matter.
Most women do most of the childcare in a family, even if they do still work. The time needed to deal with childcare can also affect their careers.
None of this means that the wife has a free ride to never work again, while the husband slaves away to support her. But it does mean that both mom and dad created these children, and usually both mom and dad want the kids taken care of properly. The dad doesn't often stop and think, "Wait a minute, if my wife works fewer hours, takes less pay in a job that has more flexible hours in order to take care of OUR KIDS, she'll expect more support later on if we divorce!" But maybe he should, if he's going to view her as some sort of leech because she devoted more time taking care of the kids—as if that has no value.
Quote:
But let's keep the quid pro quo if you want to keep the quid pro quo.
Make her come over to vacuum 1x/ week, make dinner at least a couple times, and say a weekly BJ.
Because after all.... He's still paying.... Right!?!?!
She was his wife, the mother of his children, not a maid or a prostitute.
If a father doesn't see any point in a mother spending time raising their children, then I suggest that he hire a surrogate to give birth to the children, then hire staff to care for them while he works. Leave a wife and mother out of it completely! That way he can have the kids taken care of, but never has to worry about supporting a leech wife!
Yeah, yes. RedZin knows a couple in the exact situation I outlined. Here, let me quote her for you: I am aware it DOES happen, but the implication was that it was the norm.
This woman's husband wanted her to quit work to take care of the kids. Then later on he cheated on her with a younger model, and you still want to paint this woman as some sort of leech, because her cheating hubby insisted she stay at home all those years? And she's just supposed to pick up where she left off, job-wise, with no consideration to what she gave up at his insistence?
See above. And, this is ONE side to the story... There's typically his side, her side, and the truth!
There are all sorts of family situations. Not all wives are female leeches who lie and deceive their husbands into believing that they'll work full-time throughout the marriage, only to pull a switcharoo, sit at home eating bon-bons while he weakly caves in because he simply has no choice in the matter. Agreed, but I reject the absurd notion that MOST men (there are some) will say: I appreciate the work you have done (most DEFINATELY IS work!) raising the kids... Why don't you sit around or do your hobbies for the next 20 years while I work my ass off...
Most women do most of the childcare in a family, even if they do still work. The time needed to deal with childcare can also affect their careers. Agreed
None of this means that the wife has a free ride to never work again, while the husband slaves away to support her. My point was that it often (not always) does.
But it does mean that both mom and dad created these children, and usually both mom and dad want the kids taken care of properly. The dad doesn't often stop and think, "Wait a minute, if my wife works fewer hours, takes less pay in a job that has more flexible hours in order to take care of OUR KIDS, she'll expect more support later on if we divorce!" But maybe he should, if he's going to view her as some sort of leech because she devoted more time taking care of the kids—as if that has no value. again: his side, her side, and the truth.
She was his wife, the mother of his children, not a maid or a prostitute. Where did I say otherwise? But my point is (actally not mine, I read it in an article and the logic both appealed to me and I found it amusing) if he is expected to continue to perform... Why isn't she also!
If a father doesn't see any point in a mother spending time raising their children, then I suggest that he hire a surrogate to give birth to the children, then hire staff to care for them while he works. Leave a wife and mother out of it completely! That way he can have the kids taken care of, but never has to worry about supporting a leech wife!
Wait... Didn't he just do that by paying for her every need (and many desires while she performed these tasks!?! (ducks and runs for cover before women with no sense of humor castrate me!)
Check the title of the thread for your answer....
Also, do some reading of these "my clock is ticking" threads women post. It's often HER decision!
As I have said before, im not a woman hater (I love women) and I DO see how women can (and often do) harm their careers to stay home with the kids. (and I could DEFINATELY see the logic in the guy paying for part of that in a divorce)
I simply reject the assertion that it's as portrayed, and the extreme degree the bias courts take it to.
(which, in the 50's, when women's options were far more limited, made sense to do.)
Most women do most of the childcare in a family, even if they do still work. The time needed to deal with childcare can also affect their careers.
None of this means that the wife has a free ride to never work again, while the husband slaves away to support her. But it does mean that both mom and dad created these children, and usually both mom and dad want the kids taken care of properly. The dad doesn't often stop and think, "Wait a minute, if my wife works fewer hours, takes less pay in a job that has more flexible hours in order to take care of OUR KIDS, she'll expect more support later on if we divorce!" But maybe he should, if he's going to view her as some sort of leech because she devoted more time taking care of the kids—as if that has no value.
Most? Hardly. The definitely do more unpaid work, but the fathers do about 1/3 of the housework/childcare. The flip side is they work more and after everything gets tallied up the work week is about evenly split.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lycos679
Most? Hardly. The definitely do more unpaid work, but the fathers do about 1/3 of the housework/childcare. The flip side is they work more and after everything gets tallied up the work week is about evenly split.
"Most" is anything over 50% by definition. It isn't semantics.
I think it is. If I tell my boss that I did most of a project's work and should therefore get any associated bonuses that come with it I would be implying that I did almost all of the work. 66% does not strike me as almost all in that context.
Why do we have to assume the notion that a stay at home mother is some gold digging woman who is living the high life while the husband works? It is often a mutually agreed to financial decision, based on the households exact income compared to the exorbitant cost of daycare. Particularly for households with more than one child in daycare.
+1. Not every SAHM even wants to be a SAHM, but logistics and finances render it necessary for some. When I was home full-time, it felt a prison and I would have switched places with the Mr. in a heartbeat...but there was so much external pressure to be a Good Mommy who just loves loves loves to be home. It took a complete mental breakdown for me to re-evaluate the true cost of staying home, and by the grace of Zoloft I am here to tell the tale.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
Why do we have to assume the notion that a stay at home mother is some gold digging woman who is living the high life while the husband works? It is often a mutually agreed to financial decision, based on the households exact income compared to the exorbitant cost of daycare. Particularly for households with more than one child in daycare.
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