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Old 03-27-2015, 05:16 PM
 
788 posts, read 1,063,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
Good for realizing the recycled guy is probably going to be more trouble than he's worth. And if this is the same guy who was dating you behind his girlfriend's back, then really good for not going further. He just seems like he has issues he needs to work with.
Wow! Good memory! No, he's not the guy, though that guy resurfaced too! Recycled guy predates the cheater. Recycled guy has his issues, but I've never known him to be a liar. He just has too many emotional problems. He was at least honest enough to warn me this time around that he's no better emotionally than he was before.
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Old 03-27-2015, 05:22 PM
 
788 posts, read 1,063,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onihC View Post
Guys may feel bad to go out without money as we are expected to be the ones who take care of the expenses so if he said he had financial concerns maybe you could have offered “Hey! Don’t worry, I got you covered. Come on, let’s go!” we just don’t know if he would accept or feel bad about it and decline.

He sounded like he was going through some challenges so hopefully he’s fine in the end and you two can be back in touch.

Don’t let this put you down. It is Friday! Enjoy!
I told him the next date was on me and I picked up our bar tab on our last date. We had talked about things like running together, catching up on our movie watching together, etc. But our last conversation was about a huge expense he had just found out he incurred (he found out while I was with him) and he said he wouldn't be able to go out for fun during the next few months in order to pay this nearly $3k expense. I honestly had no idea what to say. I still wanted to see him even if he couldn't pay for expensive dates. I just don't know if that's it or if he truly isn't interested. There is no way of knowing.

But thank you! It IS Friday! I'm actually back to feeling almost normal. Still disappointed because I felt like he was so different from all the guys I've been dating. He just seemed like a really decent, normal guy. I never felt like he was trying to impress me and we were just completely comfortable with one another. It was nice. Oh well. I just don't know if I'm making excuses for bad behavior and a true loss of interest.

Oh, and he always remembered everything we talked about. That impressed me.
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Old 03-27-2015, 05:31 PM
 
6,271 posts, read 6,058,693 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katykat01 View Post
I told him the next date was on me and I picked up our bar tab on our last date. We had talked about things like running together, catching up on our movie watching together, etc. But our last conversation was about a huge expense he had just found out he incurred (he found out while I was with him) and he said he wouldn't be able to go out for fun during the next few months in order to pay this nearly $3k expense. I honestly had no idea what to say. I still wanted to see him even if he couldn't pay for expensive dates. I just don't know if that's it or if he truly isn't interested. There is no way of knowing.
Hopefully he is not lying and he is just going through this challenge. It's nice that you also participate in the expenses and has offered to take care of expenses. If he is really stressing it with his recent expenses maybe suggest a free event to take him out and just hang out.

Quote:
But thank you! It IS Friday! I'm actually back to feeling almost normal. Still disappointed because I felt like he was so different from all the guys I've been dating. He just seemed like a really decent, normal guy. I never felt like he was trying to impress me and we were just completely comfortable with one another. It was nice. Oh well. I just don't know if I'm making excuses for bad behavior and a true loss of interest.

Oh, and he always remembered everything we talked about. That impressed me.
He seems to have some qualities that you like. Let's see how things are after he takes care of that new expense. Meanwhile, you continue to make friends here and there and just enjoy your weekend is it comes.
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Old 03-27-2015, 05:55 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,786 posts, read 69,755,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katykat01 View Post
I actually did that last weekend with 3rd date guy. We had texted a little during the week, and on our Sunday date he had asked me during our date and afterwards if I'd go running with him during the week. I told him it would likely have to wait until the weekend because my work week was too crazy. He understood and said it was fine. His work week ended up being worse than mine. Anyway, the following Friday I texted to say I wasn't working that weekend and to let me know if he wanted to get together. An hour later he texted me to invite me out with his coworker. The next day he disappeared.

He brought up financial concerns several times, so I wonder if that has a major influence on this situation. Or maybe he just lost interest. I have no idea. Like I said, I have no idea how one goes from really liking me one day to having zero interest a few days later.

But I like CapsChick's advice of not taking it as rejection because I don't know what he has going on in his life. Actually, I know he has a lot going on in his life right now. I just don't know if that's reason enough to stop seeing someone you like, or if he truly lost interest. Either way, I don't like the ghosting, as it's apparently called. I think it's ignorant and rude.

As for Fedex/recycled guy just wanting to drop his package, that may have been very true. I don't think it was entirely the truth, but I'm sure it was a huge part of his return. He's just too emotionally troubled to engage with. Other than running into him on the street sometime, I won't have further contact with him. He's too much.

Thanks again for you all your responses. I really, really appreciate them!
I think it's reasonable to assume he feels under the weather with this unexpected financial issue. You might text him tomorrow, and ask, "Are you OK? I didn't know if I should be worried. You're welcome to come over for (activity) and dinner tomorrow, if you want." If he's broke, he won't feel back that you're buying him dinner, since it's "just" a home-cooked meal. You never know, it might bring him out of his funk, if that's what it is.
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Old 03-27-2015, 10:58 PM
 
788 posts, read 1,063,392 times
Reputation: 1229
Thanks, guys! Since he didn't respond to my last text, I'm going to leave it up to him to contact me. He knows I was fine picking up the tab on our next date and he was fine with it too. I'm assuming he needs space, so I'm going to give it to him. I don't know for sure that the financial problem is the only reason he ended things, and I've already checked in with him in a friendly, non-threatening way, so I think it's really up to him to make the next move. I have to say that I don't like being "ghosted," so I'm hesitant to pursue him further. If and when he returns, I'm happy to listen, but I can't pursue at this point. All I can do is focus on myself and my friends and see if he returns.
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