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Old 03-17-2015, 08:10 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,915 posts, read 12,703,320 times
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He wasn't cheating but it was a d*ckmove
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Old 03-17-2015, 09:42 AM
 
3,050 posts, read 2,631,573 times
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Haven't you guys ever seen Friends?

They were on a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-17-2015, 09:44 AM
 
3,050 posts, read 2,631,573 times
Reputation: 3959
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
This. I find it quite common among the women I know that when they break it off with a guy that "washing that man right out of their hair" (recall that?) involves more than just shampoo in the week after the break. That's pretty normal. I don't see it as much with guys, but I'm sure it happens a lot too.
Hey, I resemble this comment.
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Old 03-17-2015, 09:51 AM
 
12,255 posts, read 13,479,761 times
Reputation: 14115
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacita85 View Post
I dated my boyfriend, now ex boyfriend for 6 months. I know it may sound short but we were very serious about each other possibly, marrying each other. We broke up once a few months ago, but it was only for 4 days. Then we got back together. Yesterday I find out from my friend that my bf is dating some girl. I asked him about it, and he was angry saying he’s not dating some other girl on the side and to get my facts straight. I wanted to make sure I find out the truth and after finding out, I asked my bf again. I told him the name of the girl and he then says he met her from Tinder, the dating app, during our break up time, and he went out on only TWO dates. I asked him, how he can possibly meet someone so quick and go on 2 dates within those 4 days we were apart? He then says after we got back together, he stopped talking to her right away. So obviously he was talking to her before while we were together. How can all this happen in 4 days? I was crushed. I cried my heart out and I never felt my heart ache like this. We talked over the phone a few hours ago and we ended our relationship. And just now he texts asking, “if I told you that I went on 2 dates with another girl would you have continued to talk to me or ended it then..?”
I didn’t reply. He obviously dated her while we were together, 4 days or not. How do I move past this? Do I have to reply? Can I just ignore and walk away? Im just crying my heart out right now.. and what hurts more is that he thinks he didn't do anything wrong and is totally fine..
I guess he wasn't as serious as you.

Moreover, he lied about dating her. Big No No!
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Old 03-17-2015, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,267 posts, read 7,860,746 times
Reputation: 53211
OKAY 6 months doesn't even rate seniority in my universe. That's in the I'm just getting to begin to know you stage. You can't expect someone to be talking about marriage that soon, especially if you're young. You two are not on the same page at this stage in your life. The fact that he was able to date so soon after you broke up is proof of that. He is not wrong for not being ready to settle down and you are not wrong for wanting too. Everyone has a page to turn in the book of life and a speed at which they read. His lack of honesty is the issue here, not his unwillingness to settle down. You can't force these things lest he feels like he's missed something later in life and decides to do something about then. Take a step back, reevaluate what you want and set him free to sew those wild oats. If he comes back to you when he's well rounded and has discovered what he really wants.... great. If not there is someone else waiting to fill his shoes that will be better for you. I went through something similar in my 30's with this guy that I thought I was madly in love with. He didn't want me when I wanted him and as soon as I met the love of my life he was trying to come back. Too late, I was already in the arms of the love of my life. I wish this for you too mama. Just try to keep things in perspective until you find your prince.
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Old 03-17-2015, 01:08 PM
 
Location: NC
6,920 posts, read 4,916,713 times
Reputation: 7674
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve View Post
He wasn't cheating but it was a d*ckmove
OP does not say anything about him doing anything more than going out on a date. As mentioned above, maybe he went out and had coffee. Maybe he blabbered the whole time about how his GF dumped him and he is broken up about it. (or maybe they had wild passionate sex)

Point is, it is NOT a dick-move unless you have more info than has been posted. There are no rules about a grace-period for socializing with someone of the opposite sex after a breakup.

And for all we know, OP told him she never wanted to see him again when they broke up (for 4 days). If she told him that, is it still a dickmove?

As another poster said, it seems to be the female answer to all dating issues. Don't work through it, don't communicate, don't ask. Just break up. Well if that is the case, then enjoy your lonely lives.

Me: Threads like this make me ever-more thankful for my girlfriend. When we have something to talk about, we (get this) talk about it. Almost 2 years since we met, over a year since we've been exclusive, and we've had disagreements, but never a fight, never a name called, and never a raised voice.

Thank you for reminding me what I already knew. I'm a lucky guy, I guess....
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Old 03-17-2015, 06:13 PM
 
11,780 posts, read 8,563,881 times
Reputation: 3425
Can some of you claiming that this guy was in the wrong please explain your thought process to me? Evidently, the lot of you seem to think that this guy had an obligation to not go on any dates when they broke up even though they were only dating for 3-4 months by that point. So my question is, why was he not allowed to go on a date after they broke up? Also, why is he a dick for going on other dates when he was single?
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Old 03-18-2015, 09:18 PM
 
432 posts, read 287,228 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacita85 View Post
I dated my boyfriend, now ex boyfriend for 6 months. I know it may sound short but we were very serious about each other possibly, marrying each other. We broke up once a few months ago, but it was only for 4 days. Then we got back together. Yesterday I find out from my friend that my bf is dating some girl. I asked him about it, and he was angry saying he’s not dating some other girl on the side and to get my facts straight. I wanted to make sure I find out the truth and after finding out, I asked my bf again. I told him the name of the girl and he then says he met her from Tinder, the dating app, during our break up time, and he went out on only TWO dates. I asked him, how he can possibly meet someone so quick and go on 2 dates within those 4 days we were apart? He then says after we got back together, he stopped talking to her right away. So obviously he was talking to her before while we were together. How can all this happen in 4 days? I was crushed. I cried my heart out and I never felt my heart ache like this. We talked over the phone a few hours ago and we ended our relationship. And just now he texts asking, “if I told you that I went on 2 dates with another girl would you have continued to talk to me or ended it then..?”
I didn’t reply. He obviously dated her while we were together, 4 days or not. How do I move past this? Do I have to reply? Can I just ignore and walk away? Im just crying my heart out right now.. and what hurts more is that he thinks he didn't do anything wrong and is totally fine..
I can tell you why he blamed it on you, but only if you tell me how YOU acted in the relationship.
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Old 03-18-2015, 11:28 PM
 
Location: My House
34,516 posts, read 28,801,967 times
Reputation: 25485
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myghost View Post
OP does not say anything about him doing anything more than going out on a date. As mentioned above, maybe he went out and had coffee. Maybe he blabbered the whole time about how his GF dumped him and he is broken up about it. (or maybe they had wild passionate sex)

Point is, it is NOT a dick-move unless you have more info than has been posted. There are no rules about a grace-period for socializing with someone of the opposite sex after a breakup.

And for all we know, OP told him she never wanted to see him again when they broke up (for 4 days). If she told him that, is it still a dickmove?

As another poster said, it seems to be the female answer to all dating issues. Don't work through it, don't communicate, don't ask. Just break up. Well if that is the case, then enjoy your lonely lives.

Me: Threads like this make me ever-more thankful for my girlfriend. When we have something to talk about, we (get this) talk about it. Almost 2 years since we met, over a year since we've been exclusive, and we've had disagreements, but never a fight, never a name called, and never a raised voice.

Thank you for reminding me what I already knew. I'm a lucky guy, I guess....
I picture the OP dumping him because she got mad at him, him feeling upset, his buddies telling him to fire up Tinder and find a hot chick to help him forget the OP, him doing just that, and her calling 4 days later to try to work things out. Then? He took her back.

Now, she's super angry at him for cheating on her when:

1. They had broken up.
2. She has no clue what happened on these dates.

I feel kinda sorry for the dude.

I'm so glad I'm married.
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Old 03-18-2015, 11:30 PM
 
Location: My House
34,516 posts, read 28,801,967 times
Reputation: 25485
Quote:
Originally Posted by lycos679 View Post
Can some of you claiming that this guy was in the wrong please explain your thought process to me? Evidently, the lot of you seem to think that this guy had an obligation to not go on any dates when they broke up even though they were only dating for 3-4 months by that point. So my question is, why was he not allowed to go on a date after they broke up? Also, why is he a dick for going on other dates when he was single?
Thank you. I agree.

It's quick, but maybe he was bummed out and wanted a distraction. Who knows?
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