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Long story short. Been with boyfriend for 5 months. Waited to do the deed. When it finally happened in December, it was awkward, terrible and over very quickly. I put it down to first time nerves as he is quite a shy guy, except every time since then the sex has got shorter and shorter - the last time it was over in less than 2 minutes flat. I am getting more and more frustrated because he doesn't really do foreplay and when he does its not very good. He expects Mod cut..
I've tried to talk to him about this in a very gentle way because I know it is a sore point for most men. Mod cut. He said its my responsibility whether I get anything out of sex (though I think this was just him being defensive). Its a weird situation because to me he feels very inexperienced but he was in a relationship with someone for 3 years before he met me.
I really like him aside from this but the sex situation is really getting me down.
Mod comment 03/17/15: This thread has been cleaned up. People, please remember to keep it PG-13. The topic can easily be discussed without using graphic language.
Carry on.
You could lay there like many ladies feel is appropriate and then complain about it on a forum.
Or... You could verbally teach him. Let him know what you like.
She told him, but he wasn't down with being cooperative. Maybe you missed that part of the thread....
We only hear the op's version; we don't hear the guy's. From his perspective, maybe she is 'bad in bed'. Maybe they both are. One person's junk is another's treasure.
She could "teach" him everything she likes and he would still only be good in bed TO HER. For him, that's all that matters, of course, but ... The next woman might hate all that and LIKE to be rubbed like he's starting a fire.
All he has to do to be good IN HER EYES is be perceptive to his partner's wants and needs. So far, he has failed at that, and so he ain't getting any better.
Makes sense to me. Saying someone is good or bad in bed is highly subjective, yet so many act as if there is some universal standard by which to gauge sexual competency in bed.
It sounds like it could be a bit of a control issue on his part. Are you using condom's? It will help decrease his sensitivity. Five months isn't long enough for him to know every intimate detail about what you need sexually and it's not enough to establish a relationship on any level. When we were first together it took a good year before our sex life was fantastic. After 30 years together it's beyond fantastic. Patience and gentle guidance is the key. It sounds like you're both young with little experience. You said he was with someone for three years before he met you. Was that his only other experience with a long term relationship? He may be comparing you to his ex and what she liked. That's all he knows at this point. Try and focus more on building an emotional bond with him. Hopefully the rest will follow with the physical side. If not there's always toys.
Makes sense to me. Saying someone is good or bad in bed is highly subjective, yet so many act as if there is some universal standard by which to gauge sexual competency in bed.
I don't know. Summarily ignoring another person's stated needs and desires is pretty universally a negative, in terms of sex. Everybody doesn't like the same things, but everybody does seem to appreciate an attentive partner who is amenable to doing things they enjoy.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
I don't know. Summarily ignoring another person's stated needs and desires is pretty universally a negative, in terms of sex. Everybody doesn't like the same things, but everybody does seem to appreciate an attentive partner who is amenable to doing things they enjoy.
Yup, there is non compatibility, but someone that doesn't care about what his partner needs isn't ever going to be good. Heck, even the most one sided D/S relationships have the D caring about the S's needs.
I would move on. I was in a situation like that and though he wasn't terrible the sex wasn't good between us. He had good sex with previous gf's, so I realized we weren't compatible. Even when I tried to show him and tell him what I liked, it improved but not enough to be as good as I knew it could get. I know a lot of people believe good sex can be taught to anyone but I don't know anyone in my life(woman or man) that believes this. Obviously there needs to be communication in the beginning and repeated attempts to get to know what the other likes, but there also needs to be some type of chemistry and compatibility there. Like someone pointed out every woman is different and every man is too. Just like with anything sometimes you're going to find that you don't suite each other the right way. And other times it's completely opposite. If good sex is important to you I would move on.
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