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Old 03-16-2015, 07:00 PM
 
3 posts, read 5,238 times
Reputation: 17

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Long story short. Been with boyfriend for 5 months. Waited to do the deed. When it finally happened in December, it was awkward, terrible and over very quickly. I put it down to first time nerves as he is quite a shy guy, except every time since then the sex has got shorter and shorter - the last time it was over in less than 2 minutes flat. I am getting more and more frustrated because he doesn't really do foreplay and when he does its not very good. He expects Mod cut..

I've tried to talk to him about this in a very gentle way because I know it is a sore point for most men. Mod cut. He said its my responsibility whether I get anything out of sex (though I think this was just him being defensive). Its a weird situation because to me he feels very inexperienced but he was in a relationship with someone for 3 years before he met me.

I really like him aside from this but the sex situation is really getting me down.

Mod comment 03/17/15: This thread has been cleaned up. People, please remember to keep it PG-13. The topic can easily be discussed without using graphic language.

Carry on.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-17-2015 at 10:16 AM.. Reason: Not PG-13 (no graphic details, please).

 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,562 posts, read 3,753,543 times
Reputation: 6898
If you aren't being sexually pleased, then yeah. That's something that needs to be discussed. Sex is 2 people take care of one another. You do things for him and he should do things for you. When everyone is only looking out for #1, it can make for bad sex. If someone wants to be selfish, masturbation and hookers are the way to go with that, or a ONS with someone you won't see again thus the bad sex isn't a continued issue lol. Many end relationships due to bad sex.

So, his thing just seems he's selfish and using you as a human flesh light really. He wants you to get him off and please him, but it's too much effort to return the favor.

So, you really need to get blunt with him. If he expects pleasure from you, you expect the same. If he won't budge, then you need to decide if the relationship is good enough to stay in and just accept orgasm-less sex, or if it's too upsetting and you'd be better off leaving and finding a relationship with a good partner, who's also good sexually. A partner who's selfish sexually seems like a reasonable deal-breaker.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:10 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,720 posts, read 69,599,259 times
Reputation: 75370
You tried to talk to him. He says it's your responsibility to get anything out of it. So, tell him you're taking responsibility for your O's, and tell him he has to be responsible for his, Mod cut..

Simple. Good luck. Someone so unconcerned with your pleasure and happiness isn't going to last long-term, no matter how you like him, but who knows? Miracles do happen.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-17-2015 at 09:58 AM.. Reason: Not PG-13.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,433 posts, read 41,537,922 times
Reputation: 50024
Show him and tell him exactly what you like. Much more effective than listing all the things he's doing wrong. If he remains insistent upon doing what he wants, only, lose him.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Earth
4,562 posts, read 3,753,543 times
Reputation: 6898
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You tried to talk to him. He says it's your responsibility to get anything out of it. So, tell him you're taking responsibility for your O's, and tell him he has to be responsible for his, [Snip.].

Simple. Good luck. Someone so unconcerned with your pleasure and happiness isn't going to last long-term, no matter how you like him, but who knows? Miracles do happen.

Sounds like he got his sex ideas from porn. Mod cut.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-17-2015 at 09:59 AM.. Reason: Not PG-13 (no graphic details, please).
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:29 PM
 
8,587 posts, read 5,023,407 times
Reputation: 9619
I think you should do more than hint. Just tell him, very matter of fact, what you would like. Show him.

If you do that and he still does not make an effort, kick him to the curb. And please do tell him why.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:33 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 3,819,343 times
Reputation: 5314
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100 View Post
I think you should do more than hint. Just tell him, very matter of fact, what you would like. Show him.

If you do that and he still does not make an effort, kick him to the curb. And please do tell him why.
If a dude isn't willing to learn, that's just not right. It's not only about getting each other off, it's about bonding, and showing how much you care. Ideally. And if that's not happening, the glue that holds the relationship together isn't there. IMHO. A relationship like that won't hold up against life's inevitable stresses.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 634,959 times
Reputation: 1296
Well every guy is different and yeah he sounds like the sensitive type. I'm pretty pragmatic and have no problem asking how I can improve and what she likes. I think a lot of women really appreciate a man that doesn't get all butt hurt and asks how he can be better. It's not your responsibility IMO that you have an orgasm, that is a lame excuse. A guy is going to get off nearly 100% of the time and for guys with little sexual experience they can mistakenly assume that women will get off as easily as them and that if she doesn't it must be her problem.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,643 posts, read 1,771,548 times
Reputation: 3324
Not sexually compatible no matter the compromise it will always be a chore for him. Most likely the problem comes from selfishness and the inability to receive joy from pleasuring others YOU.
 
Old 03-16-2015, 07:37 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
77,720 posts, read 69,599,259 times
Reputation: 75370
To sum up the last several posts:

There's a difference between cluelessly terrible in bed, and willfully terrible. The former is usually willing to learn, the latter isn't. The latter is a huge red flag. It really says something about his character.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 03-16-2015 at 08:11 PM..
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