Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In fact, I can't think of a single person that I think "got away," although I do wish things had worked out with my most recent ex because we were very happy--for a while.
I had a woman recently who was duplicitous, jealous, and had anger issues. It took a bit of time to see through her duplicity. Once the blinders were off, I saw her anger issues and her jealousy. I sent her a letter suggesting I would remember her always and that we should simply discontinue our current pursuit of each other. She said we should try one more time. I then sent a treatise describing the relational dynamics, how I would let this one pass, and how she should never try to contact me again. She made a few feeble attempts at contact, and then I never heard from her again.
I well imagine the relationship would have been infused with anger and accusations, with meltdowns and explanations, and the stuff of teen-age games. She was 65 and still playing like that. She would have become even more vengeful and vindictive, would have likely kept someone on the side (she did it while we were claimed to be exclusive), and she would have become even more unwound. I spent a good amount of money with her and it was not reciprocated. I spent a good amount of time with her and we did not do many things I sought to do as a person (going out for walks, taking picnics) because she would rather be inside. I could even envision she would have gotten physically violent - it was coming to that point with some of her rough physical responses to me. Shoving me, the expression on her face when she became angry for not getting what she wanted, and her belief that she should have had more and been valued more. She was not a nice person and I would have hated myself to make that mistake to be with her. No remorse, no regrets, and I can't wait for someone else to grace my door. I am worth it. She was not.
I escaped a BSC fiance who, when angry, would address me using her ex-husband's name (they'd been divorced for more than two decades and she still wasn't 'over it') and who would get physically violent; hoping I'd hit her back. Never did. Her idea of testing my loyalty was to continually suggest I leave her - she even went as far as to suggest whom in our social group I should leave her for. Guess what happened?
Yeah, definitely. Though I felt strong enough to have the desire to marry my last ex at the time, she came with a ton of medical problems, and a ton of medical bills from her teenage life that her parents didn't pay for.
On top of that, she still had a ton of physical problems, had 2 surgeries while we were together, but she was still an awesome person, and incredibly intelligent, which was the biggest reasons why I loved her.
She cheated on me because she demanded that I gave her a child, and I refused, for good reasons, and she eventually had that other guy's child and eventually married him.
If that guy ain't rolling in money, they're probably drowning in medical bills right now.
I think my ex-fiance and I both dodged a bullet. We had great chemistry together and a lot in common. We loved each other but in different ways. We also probably wanted different things out of life in the end. He's been with someone for years now, isn't married, and has no children. He seems really happy. He also became a pot head after we broke up - and if that had happened while we were together, that's another thing that would have come between us. I'm married, have 2 children and a dog. I think we both found the life that makes us happy. Our love of music, travel, and food was nice, and our chemistry together was amazing - but none of this was enough to sustain a life long relationship. My husband and I have amazing chemistry, a lot in common, and we have the same goals and lifestyle preferences. It's much better.
I was planning to get married to the man I was with at 28. We weren't engaged, but we were talking marriage. I realized that he didn't want the same things out of life that I did, and I had to either sacrifice most of the things I wanted in life in order to stay with him. Our values also weren't in line, so that was definitely a relationship killer too. It was the toughest choice of my life, but after spending some time with him late last year, I realized how good a choice I made in not marrying him. He's a very good man - the best I've ever dated - but not the right one for me. I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice in letting go of a such a good man, but the reality is that I would be miserable now. Since I've left him, I've done so many of the things I've wanted to do and have grown so much. I'm still not married, but that's better being married to the wrong man and regretting not having done all that I have.
Ha! Several times. I seemed to have a knack for attracting men who gave me engagement "rings" as "gifts". Except for the man I ended up actually marrying (and unfortunately, am not with anymore).....I had no idea I was getting a ring. I also seemed to have a knack for not being assertive enough and saying "no". Didn't want to hurt any of their feelings, so acted like I was all so surprised and glad to receive them. The first one I was really young and it was (back then) called a pre-engagement ring. He picked on me relentlessly and I eventually broke it off. The second one got another girl pregnant when he was engaged to me. The third one was abusive and threatened to kill himself if I left him, so I hung on longer than I should to him. The fourth one ended up getting engaged to another woman while engaged to me. The fifth one was my husband and we were married for over 20 years and I have posted on other threads about my drinking and leaving. My very bad bad.
I don't like to think about those other men before my husband in relation to how I think things would be had I married them. I feel I (and probably they) dodged lots of bullets. I was a kid (although not necessarily chronologically--mentally, I was a kid) and did alot of things because my self-esteem was so low and I think I thought I should be grateful that I had anyone at all interested in me enough to marry me.
If so, what was the moment when you realized that this relationship or engagement was something you needed to get out of? What would your life have been like if you had stayed and married them?
Oh, I probably knew on some level from the get-go because quite frankly, he was a lousy kisser. And I do mean lousy, not just that I didn't particularly groove on his style, because it was chicken-pecking. Almost from the moment we decided to be monogamous and I realized I loved him, I felt a pang at the possibility of never getting a good, deep, passionate mack on ever again, a thought made even less bearable by the fact that the last person I dated before him was, for me, the best kisser ever.
But the official line is that I knew we were doomed when I realized he had so little empathy as to be courting a personality disorder. Indeed, his kissing reflected his emotional depth: dry and surface-level.
Life with him would have been miserable. The whole point to love and marriage is give and take, to be and have a #1 fan. Everything would have revolved around him and his needs, and to hell with mine. And I'd have been stressed to the max because he's a hoarder and I'm a neatnik.
OP, Yes ! The first woman I met after my divorce ( we met online and lived 6 hours apart ) I knew it wasn't going to work when I started to get annoyed talking to her every night.
We really hit it off at first but it slowly unraveled.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
