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Old 03-18-2015, 03:00 AM
 
271 posts, read 102,779 times
Reputation: 69

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My boyfriend is currently living with me in London (England), he’s originally from Bulgaria and he came here to pursue university but ended up having to drop out because our living accommodation was not good enough and he couldn't handle the stress.

I’m having a major issue - he is such a mommy’s boy. I mean he rings his family everyday after work and this usually involves long Skype calls - in which he literally sits there giving of some monologue (literally a long speech) and then his parents and sister are all constantly trying to talk to him at once and I’m sure he loves it, all of this attention but I find it a little irritating.

When he picks up their calls, for example if its his sister she will say hello sister and then he will repeat hello sister, they same with his mum, and dad.

He wants to go back to stay with them in a month, and he wants me to go too, but I don’t want to - what’s the point of me being there?

It’s even worse in Bulgaria, everything is so perfect and he is incredibly spoilt - whenever we are sitting in the kitchen they again are all trying to converse with him at every opportunity and I feel so ignored and invisible (I don’t get it surely they should leave him to talk with me as he is the only one I can communicate with) whenever I try to talk to him, I feel like I’m getting in the way of his family and I feel like he usually just subconsciously blocks me out so he can pay attention to his family - I am learning Bulgarian and have signed up for an on-line subscription but I am still a long way of being able to understand what is being said and even join in conversations as it is such a difficult language.


The last memory I had was of him sat at the kitchen, eating piece after piece after piece after piece of melon for about an hour and giving some monologue to his mum, dad and sister - I end up feeling so uncomfortable because I just have to sit there and I can’t understand anything.


He literally just drops all affection, communication, almost everything around our family I bet his family can’t even see the relationship we have.


it’s like he’s the perfect son, centre of their family and I don’t know if I can handle all of this again, it just drives me a little crazy.
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Old 03-18-2015, 03:09 AM
 
Location: Sugarland
13,740 posts, read 12,631,336 times
Reputation: 16579
Ok, so don't go.
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Old 03-18-2015, 03:14 AM
 
1,181 posts, read 2,571,620 times
Reputation: 1782
From your post, I would say that, assuming this is a serious relationship, it is doomed to fail long-term unless you can come to terms with his family's closeness. In a seriou relationship the family is part of it and if you cannot come to terms with that it would be better to end things.

If you want this relationship to succeed, then talk to him calmly and work out some guidelines. If the two of you plan to form a family one day, then you should come first in his priorities (and vice versa). You should also learn at least some Bulgarian (ask him to teach you) so that you can communicate with his family. And, if they speak some English they should not shut you out of conversations by speaking only Bulgarian when you are present. if they don't speak English, your boyfriend should have the good manners to translate for you.
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Old 03-18-2015, 03:51 AM
 
511 posts, read 382,464 times
Reputation: 526
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmtrees099 View Post
My boyfriend is currently living with me in London (England), he’s originally from Bulgaria and he came here to pursue university but ended up having to drop out because our living accommodation was not good enough and he couldn't handle the stress.

I’m having a major issue - he is such a mommy’s boy. I mean he rings his family everyday after work and this usually involves long Skype calls - in which he literally sits there giving of some monologue (literally a long speech) and then his parents and sister are all constantly trying to talk to him at once and I’m sure he loves it, all of this attention but I find it a little irritating.

When he picks up their calls, for example if its his sister she will say hello sister and then he will repeat hello sister, they same with his mum, and dad.

He wants to go back to stay with them in a month, and he wants me to go too, but I don’t want to - what’s the point of me being there?

It’s even worse in Bulgaria, everything is so perfect and he is incredibly spoilt - whenever we are sitting in the kitchen they again are all trying to converse with him at every opportunity and I feel so ignored and invisible (I don’t get it surely they should leave him to talk with me as he is the only one I can communicate with) whenever I try to talk to him, I feel like I’m getting in the way of his family and I feel like he usually just subconsciously blocks me out so he can pay attention to his family - I am learning Bulgarian and have signed up for an on-line subscription but I am still a long way of being able to understand what is being said and even join in conversations as it is such a difficult language.


The last memory I had was of him sat at the kitchen, eating piece after piece after piece after piece of melon for about an hour and giving some monologue to his mum, dad and sister - I end up feeling so uncomfortable because I just have to sit there and I can’t understand anything.


He literally just drops all affection, communication, almost everything around our family I bet his family can’t even see the relationship we have.


it’s like he’s the perfect son, centre of their family and I don’t know if I can handle all of this again, it just drives me a little crazy.
I am lost. What you describe is absolutely wonderful!
I do get the part where you cannot communicate with them and yes, that would be awkward. But he doesn't get to see his family so even if you were bi-lingual, you know that is still what would happen. But at least you could understand them. They'd still carry on together because they love each other in that way. Very deeply.

They want to see him, their loved one. Which it seems you already have difficulty with.
I don't see this relationship going in the right direction for either of you...since you called him Spoiled, he may be.. but still. Not a good sign.

I'd let him go visit his family and stay home in London. And allow him to communicate uninterrupted by you while conversing withloved ones via skype, phone etc..for as long as he wants.

It sounds like you have your mind made up and your coming along can only be a hinderance to their relationship. Maybe explaining that to your boyfriend and encouraging him to see his loved ones alone is the right course of action. I am sorry he lives so far away from them, sounds as if he needs to move back to his hometown as soon as he can. And I wish the best for you. Hoping you find someone more compatible who holds closer to the same values. Best of luck to you
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Old 03-18-2015, 04:54 AM
 
10,233 posts, read 9,318,506 times
Reputation: 15839
Your posting reveals your uneasiness and dislike of his relationship with his family; it's up to you to make the decision to accept him for who he is, or break it off.

Never, ever, forget that whatever it is about a person you don't like while dating - those negative traits will not change (this is what dating is all about - discovering if you're a good match for each other).

Wishing and fantasizing how 'you'd like things to play out' is not reality. What you have with him now is reality.
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Old 03-18-2015, 06:37 AM
 
1,178 posts, read 956,772 times
Reputation: 2209
I agree with the others...he is not going to change and you need to decide if his close relationship with his family is something you can eventually accept. He will not change, you have to change if you want the two of you to have a long term relationship.

I can understand that it must be difficult when you are not included in the conversation. In the meantime, perhaps learn some Bulgarian for simple phrases and check with him about the pronunciation of them. Perhaps get on Skype with him and after learning, "How are you doing today?", "How is the weather?", etc. Since you can see them on Skype, you can compliment "sis" on what a pretty top she is wearing. He can translate the response to you. This shows an initiative on your part and making the effort to get to know his family and trying to let them know you are interested in them.
Remember, some of the reasons you are attracted to him have to do with how he was raised and the type of relationship he has with his family members. It sounds like he is close to all of them, mom included, and I have always heard that you can tell by the way a man treats his mother, how he will treat you.

Just be open and honest with him and, in a tone which is not attacking, tell him that you feel "left out". I really don't know how you can tell him he is spending too much time with his family and don't really feel that you should look at that as a threat to the relationship he has with you. Are you close to your own family? Could you maybe feel a bit of jealousy that he is closer to his family than you are your own? If this is the case, maybe while he is talking to them you could contact members of your own family and/or write a couple of cards to remember special events with your own family members.

I will say that after reading your post, I sure envy the man. I am not as close as I would like to be with my own family members. It must be very nice to be that close to them when so many people have strained relationships with their own family.
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Old 03-18-2015, 06:48 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,195,563 times
Reputation: 42502
I read your prior threads and don't know why you're still together. What are you fighting for?
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Old 03-18-2015, 08:45 AM
 
6,393 posts, read 1,270,617 times
Reputation: 16228
I simply do not understand why you are still with him because it is SO obvious that you don't like such a major part of who he is.

Not defending anything, pro or con, but I definitely think you are just not right for each other.
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Old 03-18-2015, 09:22 AM
MEM
 
121 posts, read 350,003 times
Reputation: 230
If you feel like he will never prioritize you over his family this relationship is doomed. I can't tell from your post but you seem to feel like you take a backseat to them. I couldn't deal with that - you have to decide if you can.
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Old 03-18-2015, 10:04 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,894 posts, read 12,699,980 times
Reputation: 31047
don't go. blame it on not having money or no time off.

He sounds a bit weird.
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