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Old 03-18-2015, 06:26 PM
 
5 posts, read 2,931 times
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I see... thanks for your advice. It is not what I wanted to hear, but hearing other opinions makes me feel a little bit calmer.
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Old 03-18-2015, 06:42 PM
 
Location: USA
2,621 posts, read 2,008,389 times
Reputation: 4290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frayzer View Post
You cannot maintain a relationship without the physical aspect. I'm sorry bro, but this is probably going to end.
I gotta say the same too. Gotta have the whole pie for the relationship to truly work. Sorry OP. Although, there's many people, mainly women who are in a relationship with an inmate serving long sentences, sometimes life.
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Old 03-18-2015, 06:51 PM
 
1,178 posts, read 957,416 times
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I am not sure I totally agree that you cannot maintain a relationship without the physical aspect....what about people in the military? Are all of those relationships destined to fail because of the distance between their partners that is a part of many of their lives?
She can say and/or you can think that she doesn't have any problem trusting you. She does or she wouldn't get bothered at all about you maintaining your friendship with this person. And she may be as anxious if you lived next door to her about you being friends with this woman. There are a lot of women who feel threatened by any female friends of their bf's/spouses.
I was one of them. And I know now how unfair it was of me to expect my bf's not to have females as friends. When you are in a loving and trusting relationship, both the man and woman should be able to have friends of the opposite sex without being threatened.
If you give up this close friend that you have known longer than her, what is going to happen should the relationship with your girlfriend will end? Do you think your friend will welcome you back in her life with open arms after you dumped her? I seriously doubt it.
That's a tough one, and I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 03-18-2015, 07:16 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,844 posts, read 20,088,671 times
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Yes, distance the friendship. Your friend will understand.

Your girlfriend might need some mild anti anxiety meds for a little while to help her manage her emotions. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just tell her to go see a doctor and explain the stress of separation. If she bounces back then you know it was just a bad spell she's going through.

If she continues freaking out, then you'll have a few months to reconsider the relationship.
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Old 03-18-2015, 08:56 PM
 
432 posts, read 287,257 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rosebyanothername View Post
I am not sure I totally agree that you cannot maintain a relationship without the physical aspect....what about people in the military? Are all of those relationships destined to fail because of the distance between their partners that is a part of many of their lives?
Not exactly, simply because they come back. But the ones that DO fail, those poor soldiers come back to cheating spouses. You've heard it happen and it happens.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosebyanothername View Post
She can say and/or you can think that she doesn't have any problem trusting you. She does or she wouldn't get bothered at all about you maintaining your friendship with this person. And she may be as anxious if you lived next door to her about you being friends with this woman. There are a lot of women who feel threatened by any female friends of their bf's/spouses.
Yes, women are naturally more jealous/competitive when it comes to their partner(s). This is why men who get jealous of women having "male" friends is generally frowned upon, it's female behavior! I will say that her level is above average however.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rosebyanothername View Post
I was one of them. And I know now how unfair it was of me to expect my bf's not to have females as friends. When you are in a loving and trusting relationship, both the man and woman should be able to have friends of the opposite sex without being threatened.
If you give up this close friend that you have known longer than her, what is going to happen should the relationship with your girlfriend will end? Do you think your friend will welcome you back in her life with open arms after you dumped her? I seriously doubt it.
That's a tough one, and I wish you the best of luck.
If she can't trust her boyfriend then that is HER issue and not his. But like I said earlier, he should fix the distance issue before trying to do anything else.
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Old 03-18-2015, 09:02 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
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She is the only one who can ease her insecurities and if you give up a long term friend for a woman...

All you can do is see where things go and honestly another 11 months being apart with insecurity starting so soon after she left is not a good sign.

__________________________________________________ ___________________________________________

Frayzer, this statement you posted is not true. The physical aspect of a relationship is NOT the most important aspect.

"You cannot maintain a relationship without the physical aspect. I'm sorry bro, but this is probably going to end."
*cut and pasted from post #10 written by Frayzer*
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Old 03-18-2015, 09:03 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 40,004,782 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
Yes, distance the friendship. Your friend will understand.

Your girlfriend might need some mild anti anxiety meds for a little while to help her manage her emotions. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just tell her to go see a doctor and explain the stress of separation. If she bounces back then you know it was just a bad spell she's going through.

If she continues freaking out, then you'll have a few months to reconsider the relationship.

Why? Because some little girl who thinks she is a mature woman can't handle her boyfriend having friends?
Blech, I would toss aside anyone who thinks they can dictate who I am friends with.
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Old 03-18-2015, 09:07 PM
 
432 posts, read 287,257 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
Frayzer, this statement you posted is not true. The physical aspect of a relationship is NOT the most important aspect.
I never said it was, but for the sake of the argument, I'm going to go ahead and say it is because well it is.

I can talk my mouth away all I want. I can be the smoothest and most confident guy a girl has ever met, but the second physical needs are NEEDED, and I don't deliver, she will get hungry. Hungry to the point of "oh well this guy isn't comfortable with himself to make a move so I'm gonna find another guy..."

Here's another example. 50 Shades of Gray. Have you seen the movie? I personally thought it was poorly written but the overall message is LARGELY accurate. Give a girl the best sex(e.g physical aspect) and she will stick around for a very long time, no matter how crappy of a person you are. In fact, most marriages end because of the lack of sex.
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Old 03-19-2015, 08:29 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,067 posts, read 8,327,411 times
Reputation: 11540
I disagree things will end over the distance. You can make distance work if both parties are willing to work at it. No, it's not easy, but at least in this instance she didn't move permanently. You have an end to the distance. It sounds like you're going above and beyond to reassure her about your female friend. The guy I'm dating lives in another state most of the time and he has a ton of female friends including two female roommates, and he shares a dog with his most recent ex girlfriend and they are on friendly terms. I wish I could say I never got insecure, but sure sometimes I do. However, I either trust him or I don't. If he wanted to be with one of his female friends or his ex, then he would be with them. But he's not. He's with ME. Now if I ever got wind of anything inappropriate going on that would be the end of things, but right now he deserves the benefit of the doubt and so do you.

I think there's a huge difference between friends someone had prior to the relationship and something like suddenly becoming best friends with someone of the opposite sex after the relationship is established. It's not fair to make someone give up their existing friends. I wouldn't want to give up my friend for someone.
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Old 03-19-2015, 11:19 PM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,464,529 times
Reputation: 28900
You've been dating for 8 months and she'll be away for 11 more?

Honestly? I would not sit around waiting for her, even with visits in between. If your feelings have any depth, you will connect when she gets back. But for now, I don't see where it's worth the effort of constantly having to reassure someone who, for whatever reason, doesn't trust that you know your own heart.
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