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Old 03-19-2015, 10:23 AM
 
21 posts, read 14,081 times
Reputation: 15

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We have been together for a year. We are both 28 now. So we had our one year anniversary on Wednesday. We dont have regular sex (we live apart 15 minutes (driving) - she lives at home and she rarely came to my place where we can have sex even tho i invite her quite often she came only once a month - we dont have sex for 4,5,6 or even more weeks in a row. its always been like this since beginning. Im reading my diary - we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, 6 times in first 6 months... its my firs serious relationship but i cant go on like this forever...

Around 6 months in relationship she was eager to have sex with me, she was inviting herself (I was happy), but then that stopped pretty soon. She is very eager to see me, caring and affectionate towards me. but sexual relationship... i dont know what to think... i feel she is more of a friend to me then a girlfriend.

I talked to her about it 3 times but nothing ever changes. We have agreement how to solve that problem - me sleeping over at her place at Fridays or Saturdays and she can came at my place anytime she wants for last 2 months (i have my own place now). the thing is she always has an excuse when i invite myself to sleep over at her place, and she has not invited my to sleep over at her place for at least 3 months... i dont know what to do... We have sex soon after argument and then the dry spell/cycle continue. What bothers me even more is that she never said anything about lack of sex. it like 6 weeks went by with no sex and she just doesnt care!). I get more and more resentful after every passing week without sex and that effects our relationship. i told her sex once a month is just not enough for me and it means a lot to me but she just doest put any effort to change things. I constantly feel unwanted and unloved.

So on Wednesday we went to a dinner and during dinner i suggested/invited her to come to my place on Saturday, but she declined invitation, because her best friend came back from holidays - she was gone for 14 days, and my gf rather wait for her at home to have a drink with her than come to my place and make some love. To think about it, things like this happened several times - that friends or some other stuff were priority over me. .

She also gave me nothing for our anniversary even tho she was constantly counting how many months/weeks/days are still missing till one year together, so i thought its a big deal to her. the fact i didnt get anything dont even bother me as much as the sexual thing... Am i wrong to being hurt?!? Dowes she has low sex drive? Are we sexually incompatible?

I hope to read some opinions. TNX
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Old 03-19-2015, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,699 posts, read 41,426,610 times
Reputation: 82068
What does SHE say about the difference in sex drive???

We can only guess.
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Old 03-19-2015, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,653 posts, read 1,223,449 times
Reputation: 6066
She sounds like quite the keeper! Obviously, she views your relationship differently than you do. Maybe it's time to move on to someone who is more compatible. Most healthy men would like sex more often than she's offering it so I don't think it's you.
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Old 03-19-2015, 01:14 PM
 
432 posts, read 287,293 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by ippn1 View Post
We have been together for a year. We are both 28 now. So we had our one year anniversary on Wednesday. We dont have regular sex (we live apart 15 minutes (driving) - she lives at home and she rarely came to my place where we can have sex even tho i invite her quite often she came only once a month - we dont have sex for 4,5,6 or even more weeks in a row. its always been like this since beginning. Im reading my diary - we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, 6 times in first 6 months... its my firs serious relationship but i cant go on like this forever...

Around 6 months in relationship she was eager to have sex with me, she was inviting herself (I was happy), but then that stopped pretty soon. She is very eager to see me, caring and affectionate towards me. but sexual relationship... i dont know what to think... i feel she is more of a friend to me then a girlfriend.

I talked to her about it 3 times but nothing ever changes. We have agreement how to solve that problem - me sleeping over at her place at Fridays or Saturdays and she can came at my place anytime she wants for last 2 months (i have my own place now). the thing is she always has an excuse when i invite myself to sleep over at her place, and she has not invited my to sleep over at her place for at least 3 months... i dont know what to do...
Sounds like she is loosing interest in you. Relationships are very difficult for the male in my opinion. Why? Because HER attraction basically rests on HIS shoulders, he cannot become complacent or he will let the game win resulting in the relationship basically ending, kind of like how yours is now.

You have to be constantly gaming, flirting, and going out on dates with her. I'm guessing you're not doing one, or more than one, of these so her interest is falling. Women like to be stimulated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ippn1 View Post
We have sex soon after argument and then the dry spell/cycle continue. What bothers me even more is that she never said anything about lack of sex. it like 6 weeks went by with no sex and she just doesnt care!). I get more and more resentful after every passing week without sex and that effects our relationship. i told her sex once a month is just not enough for me and it means a lot to me but she just doest put any effort to change things. I constantly feel unwanted and unloved.
Argument? Dare I say arguments cause stimulation? Dare I say she's "bored" also known as, you aren't basically doing what you were doing that first resulted in you getting together? Complacency. When you agree to go exclusive, the game doesn't end my friend. It will last however long until you can keep it up. If you're not used to being naturally confident(which would result in game,smoothness,etc) then it will fail.



Quote:
Originally Posted by ippn1 View Post
So on Wednesday we went to a dinner and during dinner i suggested/invited her to come to my place on Saturday, but she declined invitation, because her best friend came back from holidays - she was gone for 14 days, and my gf rather wait for her at home to have a drink with her than come to my place and make some love. To think about it, things like this happened several times - that friends or some other stuff were priority over me. .
Pro tip: Unless she's head over heels for you, which she has displayed that she is not, simple gestures over simple dates will not work. You would need a more action date that results in you getting closer to her, like mini golf or bowling.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ippn1 View Post
She also gave me nothing for our anniversary even tho she was constantly counting how many months/weeks/days are still missing till one year together, so i thought its a big deal to her. the fact i didnt get anything dont even bother me as much as the sexual thing... Am i wrong to being hurt?!? Dowes she has low sex drive? Are we sexually incompatible?

I hope to read some opinions. TNX
She's literally counting the days that you are going to be together, GOING to be... The relationship is probably already over but you can still try and reenact the first steps that you took when first dating her.

And no you're not "sexual incompatible" she's just not interested in you at the moment.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
She sounds like quite the keeper! Obviously, she views your relationship differently than you do. Maybe it's time to move on to someone who is more compatible. Most healthy men would like sex more often than she's offering it so I don't think it's you.
It's probably him. I can make this assumption just based off of the tone and word choice of his post.
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Old 03-19-2015, 02:15 PM
 
21 posts, read 14,081 times
Reputation: 15
then tell my why there were almost non - existing sex from the beginning of relationship when attraction is the strongest?? 4 times in first 5 months? And why should be the man always the one who do everything - from beginning till the end. For relationship to work there needs to be 2 people to make some effort...

btw tnx for putting extra salt on my wounds...
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Old 03-19-2015, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 35,219,786 times
Reputation: 14693
It seems all you want is for her to spend the night and have sex. There is much more to life than that and it's no wonder she doesn't come around much.
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Old 03-19-2015, 02:49 PM
 
21 posts, read 14,081 times
Reputation: 15
looks like you know every single thing about our relationship to post a comment like that... of course i did not write about the times she came to my place and i cook for her and then we spent the night without sex...
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Old 03-19-2015, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,699 posts, read 41,426,610 times
Reputation: 82068
Again, what does SHE say about it?
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Old 03-19-2015, 03:01 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,008 posts, read 69,950,573 times
Reputation: 75797
Quote:
Originally Posted by ippn1 View Post
then tell my why there were almost non - existing sex from the beginning of relationship when attraction is the strongest?? 4 times in first 5 months? And why should be the man always the one who do everything - from beginning till the end. For relationship to work there needs to be 2 people to make some effort...

btw tnx for putting extra salt on my wounds...
Offhand, I'd say she's just not that into you. Whether she is or not, she's not the one for you. She may be great to spend time with, talk to, share activities with. But there's a major component missing from the relationship. That's not going to magically change.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 03-19-2015 at 03:21 PM..
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Old 03-19-2015, 03:49 PM
 
21 posts, read 14,081 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Again, what does SHE say about it?
She said it bothers her too, and then we talk about how to solve this problem of ours.
She said i can come any day to sleep over at her place - but i dont feel comfortable since her mother bedroom is in the next room plus i dont feel comfortable waking up and waiting my turn to go to the bathroom, sitting at the same table/making breakfast at her mothers house, etc. in the morning before i go to work... i explained her that. So we agreed that ill sleep over on fridays or saturdays, but i did only once - very first time after that conversation. next few weeks i was inviting myself but i was always denied - she was sick, was on a period, her sister and her bf came to visit and they sleep in HER bed - she puts them in her own bed before US, even tho they could sleep on a sofa. one time she said i acnt come because her sister left her dog at her place fo a weekend, and shes aid that a dog has to sleep with her or he is restless and barking around the house. i felt like ****, dog is priority over me... And she has never invited me herself since then. its been 3 months... After 3, 4 attempts i gave up so im not inviting myself anymore...
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