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Old 03-23-2015, 09:09 AM
 
6 posts, read 4,106 times
Reputation: 15

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[SIZE=3]My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years but were friends before that for years. We have 3 sons from previous marriages, none together. We had some ups and downs and we separated for a year and at that time we both started seeing someone else. I ended things with the other person and asked him to do the same and to give our marriage a try... he hesitated but agreed. We both don't want to go down a negative path of arguments or misunderstandings, we have been trying and things (in my opinion) have been fine for awhile and then we had an argument and it seems to have been another argument one after another every other day. Meanwhile he is growing more and more distant to me... every time I bring up my feelings he just says, I feel the same way. he says he loves me, but I don't know if he is in love with me anymore. I have asked him and he says yes. We both have always felt we were meant for each other and want to grow old together but lately he has been saying things like this to me, and they feel like they are not hopeful comments at all. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]“maybe we outgrew each other”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]“maybe we are no longercompatible”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]“maybe the past hurt us toomuch”[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Any advise welcome... [/SIZE]
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Old 03-23-2015, 09:18 AM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
2,852 posts, read 1,603,886 times
Reputation: 5445
You may want to edit your post - it came out all jumbled... as if you were quoting
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Old 03-23-2015, 09:43 AM
 
6 posts, read 4,106 times
Reputation: 15
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years but were friends before that for years. We have 3 sons from previous marriages, none together. We had some ups and downs and we separated for a year and at that time we both started seeing someone else. I ended things with the other person and asked him to do the same and to give our marriage a try... he hesitated but agreed. We both don't want to go down a negative path of arguments or misunderstandings, we have been trying and things (in my opinion) have been fine for awhile and then we had an argument and it seems to have been another argument one after another every other day. Meanwhile he is growing more and more distant to me... every time I bring up my feelings he just says, I feel the same way. he says he loves me, but I don't know if he is in love with me anymore. I have asked him and he says yes. We both have always felt we were meant for each other and want to grow old together but lately he has been saying things like this to me, and they feel like they are not hopeful comments at all.

maybe we outgrew each other
maybe we are no longer compatible
maybe the past hurt us too much
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Old 03-23-2015, 10:18 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,172,597 times
Reputation: 29088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostgrl View Post
maybe we outgrew each other
maybe we are no longer compatible
maybe the past hurt us too much
He doubts your marriage will survive, so it probably won't. If you need to convince someone to stay married to you, your marriage is done. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, but that is usually how it goes.
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Old 03-23-2015, 10:41 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,911,866 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostgrl View Post
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years but were friends before that for years. We have 3 sons from previous marriages, none together. We had some ups and downs and we separated for a year and at that time we both started seeing someone else. I ended things with the other person and asked him to do the same and to give our marriage a try... he hesitated but agreed. We both don't want to go down a negative path of arguments or misunderstandings, we have been trying and things (in my opinion) have been fine for awhile and then we had an argument and it seems to have been another argument one after another every other day. Meanwhile he is growing more and more distant to me... every time I bring up my feelings he just says, I feel the same way. he says he loves me, but I don't know if he is in love with me anymore. I have asked him and he says yes. We both have always felt we were meant for each other and want to grow old together but lately he has been saying things like this to me, and they feel like they are not hopeful comments at all.

maybe we outgrew each other
maybe we are no longer compatible
maybe the past hurt us too much
Yeah, it's going to be something that is desired by both parties. He just doesn't seem to be desiring a relationship with you.

Sorry.
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Old 03-23-2015, 11:26 AM
 
6 posts, read 4,106 times
Reputation: 15
He says that those things are just "things" that could be wrong with us... he isn't sure what it is but that there is something that needs to be fixed. He doesn't feel like these statements of more than him just being a "realist"

am I just being naïve?
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Old 03-23-2015, 11:43 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,426,743 times
Reputation: 9548
dont believe the "realist" BS.
Take your situation for what it is and make the choice for yourself to keep trying or go on your way.

you already know this is headed nowhere. He has given up and so have you. If you have to state you do not want to argue or fall back in to negativity anymore it tells me you both never knew how to communicate in the first place.
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Old 03-23-2015, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Tricity, PL
61,425 posts, read 86,487,068 times
Reputation: 131263
You might want to get marriage counseling, additional to opinion from random people on the internet...
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:45 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,704 posts, read 1,825,547 times
Reputation: 4826
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lostgrl View Post
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years but were friends before that for years. We have 3 sons from previous marriages, none together. We had some ups and downs and we separated for a year and at that time we both started seeing someone else. I ended things with the other person and asked him to do the same and to give our marriage a try... he hesitated but agreed. We both don't want to go down a negative path of arguments or misunderstandings, we have been trying and things (in my opinion) have been fine for awhile and then we had an argument and it seems to have been another argument one after another every other day. Meanwhile he is growing more and more distant to me... every time I bring up my feelings he just says, I feel the same way. he says he loves me, but I don't know if he is in love with me anymore. I have asked him and he says yes. We both have always felt we were meant for each other and want to grow old together but lately he has been saying things like this to me, and they feel like they are not hopeful comments at all.

maybe we outgrew each other
maybe we are no longer compatible
maybe the past hurt us too much

If I were in your shoes, I would be seeking marriage counseling. It sounds like he has emotionally checked out of the marriage, so unless he has a change of heart, I don't think the marriage can be saved.
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Old 03-23-2015, 02:12 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,706 posts, read 19,877,794 times
Reputation: 43023
You need professional help.

Don't take the advise given here too seriously.
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