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Then on my last day in her city before I left I learned she does not believe in pre-marital sex. In her words, "It is not moral," to have sex before marriage. I immediately told her I had a different opinion and that pre-marital sex was pretty much standard practice in the USA for most people. It is also standard practice in her country, she just happens to come from a very religious/conservative family. I told her I might have an issue with it but that I still liked her. So we spent the last day together like we never had that conversation. We just had a nice date, walking, holding hands, kissing, etc.
Note: This is not a question about long distance relationships (LDR). We are both ok with the distance and are willing to live with the risks and rewards that come with that.
Anyway, despite her conservative views on this issue I can tell she is a passionate and romantic lover. Trust me on that one. She is not a virgin as she was married before (no kids though).
I have been back in the states for almost a week and I really feel like I need to give her a definitive answer. She wants me to come back to visit her. My rational self says cut this off now. She is great but this is a major lifestyle/difference of opinion. The other part of me wants to go see her again but that could just be a waste of time (for both of us).
Should I just break this off now or try to give it more time and visit her again? Have you ever dated someone with this view and how did you deal with it?
Then on my last day in her city before I left I learned she does not believe in pre-marital sex. In her words, "It is not moral," to have sex before marriage. I immediately told her I had a different opinion and that pre-marital sex was pretty much standard practice in the USA for most people. It is also standard practice in her country, she just happens to come from a very religious/conservative family. I told her I might have an issue with it but that I still liked her. So we spent the last day together like we never had that conversation. We just had a nice date, walking, holding hands, kissing, etc.
Note: This is not a question about long distance relationships (LDR). We are both ok with the distance and are willing to live with the risks and rewards that come with that.
Anyway, despite her conservative views on this issue I can tell she is a passionate and romantic lover. Trust me on that one. She is not a virgin as she was married before (no kids though).
I have been back in the states for almost a week and I really feel like I need to give her a definitive answer. She wants me to come back to visit her. My rational self says cut this off now. She is great but this is a major lifestyle/difference of opinion. The other part of me wants to go see her again but that could just be a waste of time (for both of us).
Should I just break this off now or try to give it more time and visit her again? Have you ever dated someone with this view and how did you deal with it?
I think you let it go because it is bothering you so much
No one can tell you what is right for you so read the words you just wrote then make the decision about your life and how you want to live it.
I have dated plenty of men like this and it was never a problem, we just did not have sex, no big deal and certainly not the most important part of a relationship.
Edited to add: You cannot possibly tell just by looking at someone that they are a "passionate" lover, that is your own mind creating wishes you hope are true.
Ultimately, it is really up to you. Why would you care if we would or wouldn't date this girl?
Yes, it is up to me. I guess I was just interested to hear what others have to say be it from personal experience or whatever.
I've got a good buddy whose opinion I sought. We think a lot alike and I expected him to say no way is that acceptable. But when I showed him her picture and told him how much we had clicked he said maybe it would be worth pursuing her or at least getting to know her better.
Edited to add: You cannot possibly tell just by looking at someone that they are a "passionate" lover, that is your own mind creating wishes you hope are true.[/quote]
We had some private moments in my hotel room that would suggest otherwise. In other words, no sexual intercourse but enough foreplay to indicate she is very passionate and intense in bed (in a good way).
I think the bigger question here is not necessarily whether or not she is willing to have pre-marital sex, but is where do you really see this going.
Clearly you have found chemistry and interest in her. However, you both live a huge distance away, in different countries.
So whether or not she believes in pre-marital sex, do you really feel this is someone you would be willing to move to another country for if a relationship happens? Do you think she would be willing to do the same?
If you do think one of you would be willing to accept such a huge life change as moving away from everything to start a new life in a new country, then is ultimately marrying really that much more of a leap?
I think your answer is really in whether or not a relationship is even practical here.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StreetLegal
Anyway, despite her conservative views on this issue I can tell she is a passionate and romantic lover. Trust me on that one. She is not a virgin as she was married before (no kids though).
Hey, each to their own, but I'm guessing she's Catholic so can she even get re-married if she's so moral and religious? Was there an annulment?
I guess we all have selective morality, but this selective sex morality is always a weird thing to me.
Yes, it is up to me. I guess I was just interested to hear what others have to say be it from personal experience or whatever.
I've got a good buddy whose opinion I sought. We think a lot alike and I expected him to say no way is that acceptable. But when I showed him her picture and told him how much we had clicked he said maybe it would be worth pursuing her or at least getting to know her better.
I hear Brazilians are okay with some sexual acts as long as it isn't vaginal, so no sex before marriage may not actually be no sex... Realistically though, due to distance and the no sex, you should move on unless you are wanting to get married.
I wouldn't go for it personally, but that's because there are women in my city that will give it up pretty easily.
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