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Old 03-21-2015, 02:35 PM
 
270 posts, read 282,635 times
Reputation: 308

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I'm doing well on most days, but since my previous relationship ended (he was most likely a narcissist, or not a nice person at best), I am having periods of feeling really down on myself. Some of it may be related to the hormonal fluctuations of menopause. Yet, today is a day I can't pull myself up by the boot straps. I had a tough week at work (not related to my hormones, but just work), and was looking for some human companionship to balance the stress. I found none. Everyone is busy with their own lives. I'm still relatively new to the area, which is sort of a deadbeat place on its own, but the job is good.

I hate putting it out there because it sounds a bit juvenile, but being completely honest, it has me scratching my head why a scumbag like him is already with someone else (in this area of hard to find people), while I can't seem to be able to even get a date. Ok, I, too, fell for him, and I am disgusted with myself for having allowed him to do with me what he did. Don't suggest therapy, I have been there after this mess. Those who have been with a narcissist know that it's a game changer, and today, I am feeling it very much.

On most days, while alone, I am happy to pursue my hobbies, and keep busy. But the stress of the past week, being blown off by what I thought was a good friend, and the experience with the ex, really have set me back since yesterday. A coworker was diagnosed with cancer, and I realized that if it were me, I would have nobody to take of me, or my pet. My exH left me after almost 25 years together, cheating on me with a Thai woman. The exNarc was cheating on me. I feel lower than pond scum today, and my content alone-ness has turned into grueling loneliness. Has this really become the world of opportunists, cheaters, liars, and users? Have people stopped caring for each other?
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:49 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,011 posts, read 52,464,357 times
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I'm sorry you're feeling that way.....

I don't want to sound corny or cliché but tomorrow is another day.... sometimes we just feel lower than normal, and sometimes all you have to do is sort of wait it out.
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
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I think life is easier if you're a jerk. You don't really care about anyone but yourself, therefore you have no trouble lying and using people. That sometimes makes us feel the injustice of things and stings, but at the end of the day we have to feel good about the people we are, even if we feel our life is not going well.

I'm sorry you are hurting and feeling lonely. Things will change, but it sucks right now. And you have us.
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:57 PM
 
270 posts, read 282,635 times
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Yeah, I keep telling myself that, and do chores around the house.
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Old 03-21-2015, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skibuddy3 View Post
Yeah, I keep telling myself that, and do chores around the house.
I would take "wallow" days. One day to not shower, wear whatever was comfortable, watch bad movies, drink wine, eat ice cream, whine about whatever, self pity.... after 24 hours suck it up and fake it til you make it.

I know it's all trite, but there is some wisdom in cliches.
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Old 03-21-2015, 03:04 PM
 
270 posts, read 282,635 times
Reputation: 308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I think life is easier if you're a jerk. You don't really care about anyone but yourself, therefore you have no trouble lying and using people. That sometimes makes us feel the injustice of things and stings, but at the end of the day we have to feel good about the people we are, even if we feel our life is not going well.

I'm sorry you are hurting and feeling lonely. Things will change, but it sucks right now. And you have us.
Agreed. Having less of a conscience almost seems like a good thing, as far as quality of life is concerned. It's just not who I am, but taking the high road sure takes its toll.

Wednesday, I was really happy, realizing how engaged I have become again in my hobbies, how much I enjoy them, regardless if there was someone in my life or not. I was proud of my progress, and had hoped that I'd have left the neediness of the past behind me. Truth is, I never had a good relationship, and would really like to enjoy one before the lights go out for good in me.

Thanks for the kind words! Both of you!
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Old 03-21-2015, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,704 posts, read 1,825,685 times
Reputation: 4826
Quote:
Originally Posted by skibuddy3 View Post
I'm doing well on most days, but since my previous relationship ended (he was most likely a narcissist, or not a nice person at best), I am having periods of feeling really down on myself. Some of it may be related to the hormonal fluctuations of menopause. Yet, today is a day I can't pull myself up by the boot straps. I had a tough week at work (not related to my hormones, but just work), and was looking for some human companionship to balance the stress. I found none. Everyone is busy with their own lives. I'm still relatively new to the area, which is sort of a deadbeat place on its own, but the job is good.

I hate putting it out there because it sounds a bit juvenile, but being completely honest, it has me scratching my head why a scumbag like him is already with someone else (in this area of hard to find people), while I can't seem to be able to even get a date. Ok, I, too, fell for him, and I am disgusted with myself for having allowed him to do with me what he did. Don't suggest therapy, I have been there after this mess. Those who have been with a narcissist know that it's a game changer, and today, I am feeling it very much.

On most days, while alone, I am happy to pursue my hobbies, and keep busy. But the stress of the past week, being blown off by what I thought was a good friend, and the experience with the ex, really have set me back since yesterday. A coworker was diagnosed with cancer, and I realized that if it were me, I would have nobody to take of me, or my pet. My exH left me after almost 25 years together, cheating on me with a Thai woman. The exNarc was cheating on me. I feel lower than pond scum today, and my content alone-ness has turned into grueling loneliness. Has this really become the world of opportunists, cheaters, liars, and users? Have people stopped caring for each other?
I'm sorry that you are feeling blue. It happens. Instead of doing chores, why not do something that brings you joy? Do something that will generate some endorphins, like a long walk/run outside. That always helps me.

I wish you well.
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Old 03-21-2015, 03:12 PM
 
270 posts, read 282,635 times
Reputation: 308
I'll skip the bad eating part, because at my age, that makes me feel bad in its own right. Cleaning helps, as I will feel some sense of accomplishment afterwards. Did some retail therapy online for curtains a while ago. And now it's snowing again, also exciting.

I might hit the slopes tomorrow. It never fails to make me feel better.
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Old 03-21-2015, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
Reputation: 73585
Cleaning always made me feel better too. A clean house made my messy emotions feels a little better.
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Old 03-21-2015, 03:38 PM
YAZ
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,701 posts, read 14,049,879 times
Reputation: 7038
Quote:
Originally Posted by skibuddy3 View Post

I might hit the slopes tomorrow. It never fails to make me feel better.
That right there should do it.

Listen, your life is different.....but it's still good. And maybe it will get a whole lot better.


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