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Hi, I'm a 32 year old guy, I've had a few inconsequential FWB type of relationships in the past. I've recently started seeing a girl 2 months ago or so. We met online and we're long distance because she lives in a different city. It started out great and every time we meet we have a good time. I really like her but lately I think I may have gotten myself into a toxic relationship.
Basically before I met her my network of friends tried to hook me up with this girl. We went on 2 dates didn't really connect, we never had sex, I didn't even kiss her and the relationship died naturally after our second date. This girl still occasionally comes drinking with me and my mates but we don't flirt and there is nothing going on between us. My GF gets extremely upset anytime I tell her I'm at party or out drinking she'll be like is that girl there? If I tell her the truth she gets really jealous and upset. She wants me to avoid her altogether. This is kind of hard because my best mates GF and the girl in question are close friends as well. My best mates GF invites her out many times when we go out. I don't want to lie to my GF but I also don't want to stop seeing my friends because I went out on a date with a girl months before I met my GF. I don't mind avoiding the other girl but this would involve not going out with close friends on many occasions.
One more thing that happened is that I got an invite to another one of my close friends weddings. She can't go for various reasons and wants me to not go as well. She has a big event planned for that weekend and wants me to come with her instead. Any time I bring up the wedding she gets really angry and basically says I have to choose either her or the wedding and both are obviously really important me. I just feel like it's emotional blackmail.
I'm kind of inexperienced at serious relationships as I've only had a few in the past but my gut is telling me she has serious jealousy issues and is blackmailing me to choose her event over my one of my best friends wedding. Is this normal at all? Would a girl normally be upset if I went to a wedding alone because she can't make it or be this jealous and upset because a girl I happened to very briefly date comes drinking with with me and my mates?
If our situation was reversed I would have no issue if some guy she'd been dating would show up at her parties as long as they didn't flirt or make out, and I certainly wouldn't care if she went with to wedding without me. I'm a really laid back kind of guy though so I'm wondering if it's just me.
Hi, I'm a 32 year old guy, I've had a few inconsequential FWB type of relationships in the past. I've recently started seeing a girl 2 months ago or so. We met online and we're long distance because she lives in a different city. It started out great and every time we meet we have a good time. I really like her but lately I think I may have gotten myself into a toxic relationship.
Basically before I met her my network of friends tried to hook me up with this girl. We went on 2 dates didn't really connect, we never had sex, I didn't even kiss her and the relationship died naturally after our second date. This girl still occasionally comes drinking with me and my mates but we don't flirt and there is nothing going on between us. My GF gets extremely upset anytime I tell her I'm at party or out drinking she'll be like is that girl there? If I tell her the truth she gets really jealous and upset. She wants me to avoid her altogether. This is kind of hard because my best mates GF and the girl in question are close friends as well. My best mates GF invites her out many times when we go out. I don't want to lie to my GF but I also don't want to stop seeing my friends because I went out on a date with a girl months before I met my GF. I don't mind avoiding the other girl but this would involve not going out with close friends on many occasions.
One more thing that happened is that I got an invite to another one of my close friends weddings. She can't go for various reasons and wants me to not go as well. She has a big event planned for that weekend and wants me to come with her instead. Any time I bring up the wedding she gets really angry and basically says I have to choose either her or the wedding and both are obviously really important me. I just feel like it's emotional blackmail.
I'm kind of inexperienced at serious relationships as I've only had a few in the past but my gut is telling me she has serious jealousy issues and is blackmailing me to choose her event over my one of my best friends wedding. Is this normal at all? Would a girl normally be upset if I went to a wedding alone because she can't make it or be this jealous and upset because a girl I happened to very briefly date comes drinking with with me and my mates?
If our situation was reversed I would have no issue if some guy she'd been dating would show up at her parties as long as they didn't flirt or make out, and I certainly wouldn't care if she went with to wedding without me. I'm a really laid back kind of guy though so I'm wondering if it's just me.
Thanks for any advice
It does sound like she has serious insecurity issues. This type of thing does not improve easily and certainly should not be this controlling at this early stage in your "relationship."
I advise you to find someone in your own town with whom you can have a real relationship.
If you really want to attend the wedding with your good friend, I'd say do that -- and explain to her that you don't want to miss the wedding of your close friend. She should understand that -- if she can't, then yes I'd say that is a big issue.
As to the woman that shows up with you and your buddies -- can you invite your GF along to see how that goes? If the vibe between you and the woman you dated 2 times is really 100% platonic, then it should be harmless to have your GF there.
Her behavior is immature at best. I suggest you simply explain to her that attending your friend's wedding is important to you. If she cannot understand that, you are sorry, but that is how it is. Ditto with the girl who is a friend of a friend. You dated her twice, didn't even kiss her, and it fizzled. She is hardly a threat to your new relationship. Explain to your girlfriend that women are everywhere and you cannot avoid them. This doesn't mean you will behave inappropriately. If she still objects, you say you are sorry she feels that way, but you are doing nothing wrong and aren't going to change your activities in order to avoid a particular girl.
If she continues to make a mountain out of a grain of sand, dump her.
It does sound like she has serious insecurity issues. This type of thing does not improve easily and certainly should not be this controlling at this early stage in your "relationship."
I advise you to find someone in your own town with whom you can have a real relationship.
I second this^^
It's only going to get worse if it's like this now so early on.
You should never be in a spot like you are now with emotional ultimatums about attending your friends wedding. It's not healthy, so choose the wedding and choose a new GF who isn't so jealous and controlling.
As to the woman that shows up with you and your buddies -- can you invite your GF along to see how that goes? If the vibe between you and the woman you dated 2 times is really 100% platonic, then it should be harmless to have your GF there.
He probably sees the friend more than his girlfriend anyway.
This isn't what I'd call toxic. It's more like she's terribly insecure and very immature. She's also not blackmailing you, it's more like manipulation. There is a difference. Either way though, she sounds like bad news and I'd dump her if I was you. I don't think this is worth your time. She's long distance anyway so what's the difference? Not like you'd run into her at the grocery store (unless she decides to become a stalker.).
Hi, I'm a 32 year old guy, I've had a few inconsequential FWB type of relationships in the past. I've recently started seeing a girl 2 months ago or so. We met online and we're long distance because she lives in a different city. It started out great and every time we meet we have a good time. I really like her but lately I think I may have gotten myself into a toxic relationship.
Basically before I met her my network of friends tried to hook me up with this girl. We went on 2 dates didn't really connect, we never had sex, I didn't even kiss her and the relationship died naturally after our second date. This girl still occasionally comes drinking with me and my mates but we don't flirt and there is nothing going on between us. My GF gets extremely upset anytime I tell her I'm at party or out drinking she'll be like is that girl there? If I tell her the truth she gets really jealous and upset. She wants me to avoid her altogether. This is kind of hard because my best mates GF and the girl in question are close friends as well. My best mates GF invites her out many times when we go out. I don't want to lie to my GF but I also don't want to stop seeing my friends because I went out on a date with a girl months before I met my GF. I don't mind avoiding the other girl but this would involve not going out with close friends on many occasions.
One more thing that happened is that I got an invite to another one of my close friends weddings. She can't go for various reasons and wants me to not go as well. She has a big event planned for that weekend and wants me to come with her instead. Any time I bring up the wedding she gets really angry and basically says I have to choose either her or the wedding and both are obviously really important me. I just feel like it's emotional blackmail.
I'm kind of inexperienced at serious relationships as I've only had a few in the past but my gut is telling me she has serious jealousy issues and is blackmailing me to choose her event over my one of my best friends wedding. Is this normal at all? Would a girl normally be upset if I went to a wedding alone because she can't make it or be this jealous and upset because a girl I happened to very briefly date comes drinking with with me and my mates?
If our situation was reversed I would have no issue if some guy she'd been dating would show up at her parties as long as they didn't flirt or make out, and I certainly wouldn't care if she went with to wedding without me. I'm a really laid back kind of guy though so I'm wondering if it's just me.
Thanks for any advice
If you want to be told who you can be friends with and where you can go for the rest of your life stay with the girlfriend.
If you want to live your life the way you want, be friends with who you want and go where you want the rest of your life find another girlfriend or stay single.
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