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Old 03-21-2015, 04:45 PM
 
29 posts, read 16,761 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
She's not attracted to you that way but you put her on the spot and she didn't know what to say in the moment so she babbled on about how she doesn't know what she wants. I hope you'll respect it and it not bring it up again, nor get angry at her for not returning your feelings. Let go. IMO it would be best to takeit'll urineck from the friendship or you'll just be hanging on looking for signs and never meet a girl who does want more with you.
Good advice and thank you - its almost she didn't know what to perhaps do with it but sounds like an attraction thing. Not angry at all - disappointed but we have been friends for years and yeah I need to take a step back as I reckon I cant take seeing her atm with someone else and actually as they say I guess plenty more fish right guess itll take sometime as its been a very close friendship sucks but c'est la vie
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Old 03-21-2015, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,668 posts, read 7,634,820 times
Reputation: 14830
Women typically don't like to say "no". So its another way of saying, "I have to stay home and wash my hair."
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Old 03-21-2015, 04:51 PM
 
780 posts, read 502,086 times
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Female translator here: She's just not that into you.

If you want her to like you back, give her space. Don't just disappear on her though. Tell her that you are interested in her as more than friends and you need your space so you can sort out your feelings as it affects/hurts you spend time with her and not be with her.

1. Your absence will make her realize she does like you.
My h.s. best friend told me her guy best friend kept trying to get with her for 2 years. She kept turning him down. He left the picture and next thing I know, they were dating. They got married and now has a son.

This seriously works like a charm.

This is actually what I told one of the guy who got friend zoned to do. He followed, they're now on their 4th year dating.

Oh, and let's say she comes running back to you, give it a bit of time to sink in. Be unavailable for a bit. It's even more unsexy to know that you disappear and at the snap of her fingers, you show up again. Make her work for you. I know, it sounds like games and all, but girls don't like guys that are easily wrapped around their fingers. That's why "nice guys finish last", because they do anything a girl tells them on a whim, not sexy at all.

If that didn't work for you...

2. She still doesn't get with you but at least you have sorted out your feelings for her by then and hopefully have moved on.
My closest guy friend in college liked me. We were always together, people did think we were dating. I didn't feel the same way for him and he did tell me he will stop talking to me for the time being, just to get over me. He disappeared and I still didn't like him. We became friends again. I respected the fact that he needed space and when he was ready, he will come back. He did and he was himself again.

If a girl really likes you, she'd be with you.
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Old 03-21-2015, 04:55 PM
 
29 posts, read 16,761 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
Women typically don't like to say "no". o its another way of saying, "I have to stay home and wash my hair."
Yup ain't that the truth - good thing they have a lot of hair unlike us guys haha who I guess don't take the more caring of feelings approach (usually) or not as much - cheers for the post
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Old 03-21-2015, 05:08 PM
 
29 posts, read 16,761 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliwalas View Post
Female translator here: She's just not that into you.

If you want her to like you back, give her space. Don't just disappear on her though. Tell her that you are interested in her as more than friends and you need your space so you can sort out your feelings as it affects/hurts you spend time with her and not be with her.

1. Your absence will make her realize she does like you.
My h.s. best friend told me her guy best friend kept trying to get with her for 2 years. She kept turning him down. He left the picture and next thing I know, they were dating. They got married and now has a son.

This seriously works like a charm.

This is actually what I told one of the guy who got friend zoned to do. He followed, they're now on their 4th year dating.

Oh, and let's say she comes running back to you, give it a bit of time to sink in. Be unavailable for a bit. It's even more unsexy to know that you disappear and at the snap of her fingers, you show up again. Make her work for you. I know, it sounds like games and all, but girls don't like guys that are easily wrapped around their fingers. That's why "nice guys finish last", because they do anything a girl tells them on a whim, not sexy at all.

If that didn't work for you...

2. She still doesn't get with you but at least you have sorted out your feelings for her by then and hopefully have moved on.
My closest guy friend in college liked me. We were always together, people did think we were dating. I didn't feel the same way for him and he did tell me he will stop talking to me for the time being, just to get over me. He disappeared and I still didn't like him. We became friends again. I respected the fact that he needed space and when he was ready, he will come back. He did and he was himself again.

If a girl really likes you, she'd be with you.
This is BRILLIANT advice and thanks so much for a thoughtful response here Aliwalas - great female translation. I agree, there is that whole attraction over time conundrum here as we almost have been friends for so long and have always been a strong presence in each other's lives and even relationships. I agree it's really an attraction thing here and 'She's just not that into you'

I will try that advice and take some distance apart - it's interesting that actually works as it's almost redefining their relationship and seems its been a success for your friends. Out of curiosity, is it wise to just share I need some space to sort my head out and make it explicit? I was thinking of just focusing on other things and just be less available than actively telling her 'Yes, I am moving on..' unless you think calling it out specifically actually works?

In a way this is win win advice, as it'll help me to move on. It's just because she's been a best friend for a long time it does feel quite sad and does hurt being honest. I took a decision to break up with someone not too long ago after 3-4 years as I started developing strong feelings for said friend, that was part of the decision not all of it but didn't feel honest in that relationship but I suspect your advice will help me just to get back on track either way.

I agree in not coming back too quickly - she needs to emotionally invest in this too which clearly isn't hapoening but totally appreciate your response here. Thank you so much!
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Old 03-21-2015, 05:17 PM
 
75 posts, read 68,027 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by LumberjackQuack View Post
Solid Advice G-Whiz thanks I suspect this might happen - all seems familiar. Out of curiosity on other occasions have you bucked the trend and its somehow worked out later (in this situation, I agree holding my breath might prolong the inevitable - feels like this is another excuse and the updated it's not you its me)

It's almost by saying she doesn't want something, she's made a decision at some level that she doesn't want me or this.
Not really but then again, I tend not to fall for my friends so there aren't a lot of comparisons. I met my current girlfriend through a friend who had every intention of setting us up. I got tricked into going out with a big group of people (if I'd known how many new people were going to be there, I wouldn't have gone) and she was there and we hit it off. A couple days later, my buddy called and asked if I could help her move, you know, since I have a truck and she didn't have much stuff (*nudge nudge wink wink*). Three days after that, we had our first real date.

That's usually how it goes, I decide pretty quickly if I'm going to try to pursue something or not. The thing with the other woman I mentioned before was an outlier if you will. We'd known each other forever but hadn't ever hung out just the two of us. When we started that, it turned out we had a lot in common and I was trying to make the leap from friends to more.
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Old 03-21-2015, 05:28 PM
 
29 posts, read 16,761 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by g-whiz View Post
Not really but then again, I tend not to fall for my friends so there aren't a lot of comparisons. I met my current girlfriend through a friend who had every intention of setting us up. I got tricked into going out with a big group of people (if I'd known how many new people were going to be there, I wouldn't have gone) and she was there and we hit it off. A couple days later, my buddy called and asked if I could help her move, you know, since I have a truck and she didn't have much stuff (*nudge nudge wink wink*). Three days after that, we had our first real date.

That's usually how it goes, I decide pretty quickly if I'm going to try to pursue something or not. The thing with the other woman I mentioned before was an outlier if you will. We'd known each other forever but hadn't ever hung out just the two of us. When we started that, it turned out we had a lot in common and I was trying to make the leap from friends to more.
I agree bro - this is usually how it goes for me. This is my outlier haha! Usually like you I'll make my intentions pretty clear and the friendship is just an interlude to hopefully something more quite early on. Issue is when you've known someone for a while and you then start liking them without planning it, it's a bit tricky as you already know each other and don't have that new attraction buzz. I'll see if I can use some tips others have mentioned in response, or perhaps if all else fails find a damsel in distress looking to move house too

Good on you bro - sounds like an inadvertent trick was the best thing to happen to you. I like the whole help you move, move - nice!!
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Old 03-21-2015, 05:57 PM
 
75 posts, read 68,027 times
Reputation: 78
Quote:
Originally Posted by LumberjackQuack View Post
I agree bro - this is usually how it goes for me. This is my outlier haha! Usually like you I'll make my intentions pretty clear and the friendship is just an interlude to hopefully something more quite early on. Issue is when you've known someone for a while and you then start liking them without planning it, it's a bit tricky as you already know each other and don't have that new attraction buzz. I'll see if I can use some tips others have mentioned in response, or perhaps if all else fails find a damsel in distress looking to move house too

Good on you bro - sounds like an inadvertent trick was the best thing to happen to you. I like the whole help you move, move - nice!!
Well this whole thing was a setup from the getgo. He'd been planning it for months. Moving was just his way of getting us to spend a day together without other people.

They work together and, honest to God, I think she had been there for a cup of coffee by the time he called me and said "you need to meet the new girl at my work" after that, it was just a matter of making it happen. It took a while but it did and we hit it off.

Don't get stuck in your head on this one. Go out with the boys tonight and have a few (I assume there are boys to go out with, if not, find some). Don't get sloppy drunk or anything just have a couple drinks, smoke a cigar or two and enjoy the night. Worry about your girl problems tomorrow.
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Old 03-21-2015, 06:03 PM
 
29 posts, read 16,761 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by g-whiz View Post
Well this whole thing was a setup from the getgo. He'd been planning it for months. Moving was just his way of getting us to spend a day together without other people.

They work togethedesk get est to God, I think she had been there for a cup of coffee by the time he called me and said "you need to meet the new girl at my work" after that, it was just a matter of making it happen. It took a while but it did and we hit it off.

Don't get stuck in your head on this one. Go out with the boys tonight and have a few (I assume there are boys to go out with, if not, find some). Don't get sloppy drunk or anything just have a couple drinks, smoke a cigar or two and enjoy the night. Worry about your girl problems tomorrow.
Such an awesome story! I'm glad that worked out - haha its definitely up there in the way of ways people meet. Yup already on those lines bro - plenty more fish! It's the weekend and a friends stag tonight - this can wait til it hits my desk Monday. Great advice and have a few on me tonight with the missus too - cheers for the advice
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Old 03-22-2015, 07:12 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,628 posts, read 44,075,495 times
Reputation: 24962
She doesn't feel she's ready for a relationship at this moment.She has to get her s*** together.
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