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Old 03-21-2015, 10:01 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,234 posts, read 39,774,107 times
Reputation: 41704

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This is inspired by another thread talking about cheating and got me to thinking.....


After a few beers one night with my father, he confessed to me that he's always felt bad that one time he allowed me to drive his car.

Now that on the surface sounds fine.

The bigger story is that he was a serial cheater and me driving his car consisted of him and his slaggy GF that he was banging at the time were in the back seat and they were completely hammered.

We had gone out that day and done a few things and they were drinking the whole time and after a while they were ****faced. I was 12, maybe 13, I forget, but they sloppily pour themselves into the backseat of the car and my dad had me drive them home.

I had never driven a car before and this was probably 20 miles from the house.

He tells me that he feels bad about having me drive him when I was a little kid.

I told him that he should have felt bad about the whole damn thing, but mostly because he was dragging me around his girl friend. He was married to my stepmother, my mom and him had divorced when I was little so I never knew them being together.

I tried to explain to him that he was acting like a complete ass bring me around his girlfriend. I remember thinking at the time that this was completely wrong, his gf at the time was some nasty skeezy looking broad and not that that matters, it just added another level of grossness to the whole thing.

I don't think to this day that he really got what I was trying to tell him about how you shouldn't set those kinds of examples to young kids. I mean that's just wrong in my opinion.

I'm not sure what is the greater error in the scenario, me driving or him bringing me around his gf.

I personally think that the wrong message of cheating on your spouse was the worst of it... I don't think he sees it that way..........
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Old 03-21-2015, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,628 posts, read 44,101,121 times
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Some people are severely self involved and can't fathom changing their mindset.

Chow you are similar to me, to analyze things from all four corners but many times it stems from some deeper things.
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Old 03-21-2015, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,635 posts, read 12,140,354 times
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Not your typical father and son bonding time

My father took me fishing every Sunday when I was very young. Every Sunday (unbeknownst) my mom was out banging some chump ugh...I will never forget the look on my fathers face when he found out; so sad.
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Old 03-21-2015, 10:30 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,234 posts, read 39,774,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Not your typical father and son bonding time

My father took me fishing every Sunday when I was very young. Every Sunday (unbeknownst) my mom was out banging some chump ugh...I will never forget the look on my fathers face when he found out; so sad.
Man... sorry to hear that... awful stuff... feel bad for your dad.......and you too.... hearing about our parents acting less than stellar isn't a good thing, specially when young.

I'm a grown man in my 40's... I get life much much better and I understand that people are fallible and act weak and do the wrong things... these things are much harder to accept when you're 13 and you look at your dad like he's a hero....
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Old 03-21-2015, 11:06 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
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Some people are so self involved, so self-centric that the will never understand the damage they cause to others. Not sure they even can (or will?) because then they will see themselves for what they are....and that would impede their pursuit of self satisfaction.

Obviously your childhood was hard, but I have to think you wouldn't be who you are if it were different. You turned out as a good, loving person. You may have problems (you have cited depression), but harsh conditions rounded off your edges shaping you into..... you.

I come less than stellar parents, and so does my husband. As damaged as we are... we wouldn't be the people we are today, for good or ill, without our trials and tribulations.

I liked my husband for his good traits, but I loved him for his faults. It's the damage that made him the man he is. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right, not even sure if I can put it into words.
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Old 03-21-2015, 11:20 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,234 posts, read 39,774,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Some people are so self involved, so self-centric that the will never understand the damage they cause to others. Not sure they even can (or will?) because then they will see themselves for what they are....and that would impede their pursuit of self satisfaction.

Obviously your childhood was hard, but I have to think you wouldn't be who you are if it were different. You turned out as a good, loving person. You may have problems (you have cited depression), but harsh conditions rounded off your edges shaping you into..... you.

I come less than stellar parents, and so does my husband. As damaged as we are... we wouldn't be the people we are today, for good or ill, without our trials and tribulations.

I liked my husband for his good traits, but I loved him for his faults. It's the damage that made him the man he is. I'm not sure if I'm explaining it right, not even sure if I can put it into words.
Thanks for the kind words.

My childhood was rough, but not as rough as others..... depression, OCD, anxiety.... lots of good stuff, I sometimes say that I'm like Woody Allen, sans the talent.

I think you may be right about life and the sculpting it does to our edges, most likely has some merit.

I'm glad you and your hubby seem to be ok, from what I've gathered from your posts, you seem like you have a good relationship with your husband, good stuff.

My dad is half the man I am... and I don't mean that with disrespect, I mean that as a fact...... in his defense he had it much much much harder than me and in the vein of being intellectually honest, he did a good job of stopping some of the violence and abuse that he came from, he never once laid a hand on me and to his credit for being such a mess, he could have been worse... I think he wanted to be a better man than his father was..
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Old 03-22-2015, 12:53 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,236 posts, read 1,213,371 times
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So sorry to hear that you were exposed to that as a child. I can't imagine. As flawed as your father was, I applaud you for having the compassion and understanding to be able to see him for the complex person that it sounds like he was. He was probably doing his best that he knew how given his circumstances?
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Old 03-22-2015, 01:06 AM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,236 posts, read 1,213,371 times
Reputation: 3974
My father was a serial cheater. It's funny how I never blamed him. I always blamed the other women for some reason. My father was too handsome and cool for his own good (not his fault!) and women threw themselves at him shamelessly. I watched it happen so many times. He just couldn't say NO to a woman.
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Old 03-22-2015, 01:06 AM
 
Location: So Cal
40,234 posts, read 39,774,107 times
Reputation: 41704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish View Post
So sorry to hear that you were exposed to that as a child. I can't imagine. As flawed as your father was, I applaud you for having the compassion and understanding to be able to see him for the complex person that it sounds like he was. He was probably doing his best that he knew how given his circumstances?
I was just was having a convo with Mrs. Chow about my post.

I was probably a bit harsh when I said that he's half the man I am... I can be judgmental at times and that was a time I was.

My post wasn't meant to inspire sympathy about my bad childhood, cause others had it much worse... it was more of a moral/ethical statement about fidelity....

Having your young son cart your drunk ass around is bad....

Having your young son cart your drunk ass around with your slag while you're married is bad....

Not sure which is worse.... the infidelity or the irresponsibility of having an unlicensed driver on the roads....

I never had kids myself, So being childless, does this not allow me to comment???

I have issues, I am a **** up at times, that being said... I'd never do what my father did.........

My dad was a bartender for 40 yrs... He was a hardcore drunk, I think since I've got a bit of an issue with booze at times, nothing like him, but enough to have some perspective, I think he was most likely on a 3 day drunk is why he did what he did.......
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Old 03-22-2015, 01:20 AM
 
14,790 posts, read 14,000,427 times
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the cheating is pretty bad but - giving you responsibility at a young age to get 3 people home safely....

I think most of the time people do the best they can..... In the story in the OP, he was being selfish
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