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Old 03-23-2015, 01:40 AM
 
1 posts, read 568 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi, i'm new to this so sorry if I make any mistakes. I'm not really sure what i'm looking for, maybe some advice would be great if anyone has the time to talk to me.

I'm a 21 year old male living in the north of England and in may 2013 I met the most beautiful american girl who was studying at my University for the semester.

Within a few weeks we started dating and quickly fell in love. In fact it was love at first sight and i'd never felt so excited to have met someone before. After a month of dating she had to move out of her flat so she lived with me for around a week before she had to leave to go back to the US. It was heart breaking for the both of us and after only a short month or so she was gone.

We kept in touch everyday, all day. But after around 9/10 months after she left the UK, our relationship started to break down and we began to argue. We stopped talking for a while but finally got back in touch and started again.

Since leaving University in the summer of 2014 i've been pretty much broke because i'm self employed and business hasn't been great and i've had to pay my way through university. I should have worked harder to save up so that i could have traveled to the US but i would have needed thousands to stay for 3 months especially because i wouldn't have any income when I came back to the UK if I left all my jobs (Nightclub DJ). I feel pathetic that i didn't try harder, i often think 'why didn't i just sell my car' and take the 'F it' attitude and just get a 3 month visa and go.

We love each other very much and she is very understanding, but we miss each other very much and it began to get harder and harder with more arguments happening regularly.

Just before the new year we stopped speaking because we did nothing but argue. Since then i've started dating someone else, and she already loves me very much and i do have a lot of love for her too. She is aware of my american ex but doesn't know i feel this way. I'm not one from jumping from relationship to relationship but i was lonely and i needed someone to be there for me, not even sexually, just someone to talk to and be with in person.

The problem is, 3 months on, I keep getting an empty feeling inside because i'm not talking to my US ex, i miss her incredibly and its making me depressed. The other night i couldn't even bare to be touched by my girlfriend and i had to just roll over and sleep.

Last week I had a break down and went out driving at 1am for about 2 hours before coming home and drinking a bottle of wine and messaging my ex telling her i missed her. She told me she misses me as well, and that she still loves me.

We spoke for a few days but nothing too emotional because of my relationship i felt disgusting, but she has now said she can't keep on pretending that we are together again and we haven't spoke since friday, I already feel dreadful and upset. I agree with her, and it's either fully commit again or stop contact for good and stay with my current girlfriend.

My american ex is planning on returning to the UK to study for a full year in september, and it's breaking my heart to know that she will be so close and that i won't be able to see her. ( She will be in my city )

I'm so scared because i don't know what kind of future i can have with her, i've read about the nightmares of traveling to and from america to pursue a relationship and trying to apply for visas and i'm only 21, i don't think i'm ready to get married. I mean i've never lived with the american girl, and i've been with my current girlfriend for double the time i spent in person with the american girl.

I know i love her so much but I don't know if i'm feeling like this because i just miss talking to her or that it's my heart telling me she is the only one for me.

I feel like such an ******* for feeling like this when i'm dating someone else. I feel guilty, like i'm emotionally cheating because i have such strong feelings for my ex. I know my new girlfriend will be understanding what ever decision i make but i don't want to hurt her because shes so lovely and great to me. I'm terrified that I will break up with my current girlfriend and regret it.

I'm really not a player or a boy who changes relationship quickly, i've only ever been in one serious relationship from 15 to 18 years old with a girl i loved very much at the time but we went our separate ways when we went to University.

I don't know what to do anymore, do I drop everything and call my ex and tell her she is the love of my life, or do I let it go and stay in my relationship and avoid the risk of everything breaking down again and ending up on my own?

Thanks in advance for any help, I don't really have anyone to talk to about my situation and currently feel extremely lonely.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:55 AM
 
32,311 posts, read 26,174,495 times
Reputation: 18938
one thing you will learn as you get older, and that is ALL relationships are temporary. you had a good time with this girl, but its over now since you have sort of moved on to a new girl. if you bump into her while she is there, be polite, be happy for her, introduce her to your current girlfriend, talk about old times together, but remember it will never be like it was before.
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Old 03-23-2015, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,498 posts, read 8,707,935 times
Reputation: 12149
One rarely gets second chances in life. You portray your indecisiveness as the result of an inner ethical conflict. Aren't there some practical considerations that are also keeping you from the making the leap? Or are you Socrates?
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:15 PM
 
3,352 posts, read 2,255,642 times
Reputation: 2238
Quote:
Originally Posted by George1993 View Post
Hi, i'm new to this so sorry if I make any mistakes. I'm not really sure what i'm looking for, maybe some advice would be great if anyone has the time to talk to me.

I'm a 21 year old male living in the north of England and in may 2013 I met the most beautiful american girl who was studying at my University for the semester.

Within a few weeks we started dating and quickly fell in love. In fact it was love at first sight and i'd never felt so excited to have met someone before. After a month of dating she had to move out of her flat so she lived with me for around a week before she had to leave to go back to the US. It was heart breaking for the both of us and after only a short month or so she was gone.

We kept in touch everyday, all day. But after around 9/10 months after she left the UK, our relationship started to break down and we began to argue. We stopped talking for a while but finally got back in touch and started again.

Since leaving University in the summer of 2014 i've been pretty much broke because i'm self employed and business hasn't been great and i've had to pay my way through university. I should have worked harder to save up so that i could have traveled to the US but i would have needed thousands to stay for 3 months especially because i wouldn't have any income when I came back to the UK if I left all my jobs (Nightclub DJ). I feel pathetic that i didn't try harder, i often think 'why didn't i just sell my car' and take the 'F it' attitude and just get a 3 month visa and go.

We love each other very much and she is very understanding, but we miss each other very much and it began to get harder and harder with more arguments happening regularly.

Just before the new year we stopped speaking because we did nothing but argue. Since then i've started dating someone else, and she already loves me very much and i do have a lot of love for her too. She is aware of my american ex but doesn't know i feel this way. I'm not one from jumping from relationship to relationship but i was lonely and i needed someone to be there for me, not even sexually, just someone to talk to and be with in person.

The problem is, 3 months on, I keep getting an empty feeling inside because i'm not talking to my US ex, i miss her incredibly and its making me depressed. The other night i couldn't even bare to be touched by my girlfriend and i had to just roll over and sleep.

Last week I had a break down and went out driving at 1am for about 2 hours before coming home and drinking a bottle of wine and messaging my ex telling her i missed her. She told me she misses me as well, and that she still loves me.

We spoke for a few days but nothing too emotional because of my relationship i felt disgusting, but she has now said she can't keep on pretending that we are together again and we haven't spoke since friday, I already feel dreadful and upset. I agree with her, and it's either fully commit again or stop contact for good and stay with my current girlfriend.

My american ex is planning on returning to the UK to study for a full year in september, and it's breaking my heart to know that she will be so close and that i won't be able to see her. ( She will be in my city )

I'm so scared because i don't know what kind of future i can have with her, i've read about the nightmares of traveling to and from america to pursue a relationship and trying to apply for visas and i'm only 21, i don't think i'm ready to get married. I mean i've never lived with the american girl, and i've been with my current girlfriend for double the time i spent in person with the american girl.

I know i love her so much but I don't know if i'm feeling like this because i just miss talking to her or that it's my heart telling me she is the only one for me.

I feel like such an ******* for feeling like this when i'm dating someone else. I feel guilty, like i'm emotionally cheating because i have such strong feelings for my ex. I know my new girlfriend will be understanding what ever decision i make but i don't want to hurt her because shes so lovely and great to me. I'm terrified that I will break up with my current girlfriend and regret it.

I'm really not a player or a boy who changes relationship quickly, i've only ever been in one serious relationship from 15 to 18 years old with a girl i loved very much at the time but we went our separate ways when we went to University.

I don't know what to do anymore, do I drop everything and call my ex and tell her she is the love of my life, or do I let it go and stay in my relationship and avoid the risk of everything breaking down again and ending up on my own?

Thanks in advance for any help, I don't really have anyone to talk to about my situation and currently feel extremely lonely.
You need let go of current relationship and still single.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:54 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,803 posts, read 3,028,944 times
Reputation: 4789
It may sound very unromantic but logistics like where you live play a huge part in whether a relationship can work out or not. People like to think they would be willing to move heaven and earth for the one they love but statistics show most people end up with someone close to them in proximity.
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