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Old 03-23-2015, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Where rhotic consonants are either absent or intrusive
8,890 posts, read 5,205,125 times
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The thing is though, even women with strong sex drives go through periods where they have little to no desire; it can be psychological, physiological, or a combination of both. Same for men, whose libido at 25 is likely different than it will be when he is 50. It's just of those things that most couples deal with at some point in a LTR, and it's a testament to Nature's sense of humor how men start to slow down just as their women are wanting sex more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Professional View Post
I heard theres a pill for woman for low libido can take that can resolve that low libido problem.
As someone who has a high libido I surely desire someone who has a high libido as well of course not just those factors those....
Never desired to had some one with low libido even after years have passed I love keeping a relationship or marriage hot passionate and burning as much as I can.

Be honest and straight out those most people say wait and all but then who are you supposed to get sex from then if not YOUR WIFE?. Talk to your wife about it and be honest don't make it an annoying chore for you to constantly do
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Old 03-23-2015, 12:16 PM
 
765 posts, read 767,712 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
The thing is though, even women with strong sex drives go through periods where they have little to no desire; it can be psychological, physiological, or a combination of both. Same for men, whose libido at 25 is likely different than it will be when he is 50. It's just of those things that most couples deal with at some point in a LTR, and it's a testament to Nature's sense of humor how men start to slow down just as their women are wanting sex more.
The OP does mention his success rate is 20 percent and its every 3 months. I feel bad for the OP because he craves sex from his wife and it seems like an annoying chore to do. Usually there are some medication or pills to resolve these issues. I would have to disagree on this thou. I understand there are some days where people have no desire for sex but it should not go THAT long thou 3 months is too long and the OP would get more and more frustrated with this hes married and if he won't get some from his wife then who?. I have meet old couples in their 40's still with high sex drives that do it like most days however some also have low stress and low responsibility.

The OP needs to spice up his marriage and so does the wife.

Too much responsibilities and things goin on at the same time can greatly reduce the flames of a marriage in terms of hot romance and sex. So finding the time and making it is important. It should really not be an annoying chore to do this thou.

Now if I was married and I still got the " honey not tonight' for months I be really annoyed. That's just me I hate having to earn sex or beg for it like a chore for months ends especially in a marriage. It should not be the norm

Whatever the OP has going in terms of responsibilities and urgent issues, that should be taken care of as well life happens everyday

Last edited by Mr.Professional; 03-23-2015 at 12:44 PM..
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Old 03-23-2015, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Colorado
11,681 posts, read 7,225,277 times
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My husband and I have issues, and one of the ones that troubles him the most is exactly what OP is experiencing. We have been together almost 18 years and this has been going on for MOST of them.

Now some of the factors are more serious relationship problems...I honestly just don't love him in the way he loves me, and I'm getting closer and closer to the point where I can't just be cool and deal with being his wife out of necessity. So we've got a mess, and there is no reason for me to believe that you and your wife, OP, have such a mess. But what EvilCookie said really rings true:

Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
i'll share my perspective as the wife. I have a low libido, and I'm only 31 but have pretty much have been like this all my life. I don't have an answer, except I believe it is hormonally driven. I do know that no external factors like romance, boredom, help around the house, or attractiveness of the husband play any sort of role. It's a physiological lack of desire and I don't feel like it's under my control at all - I wish it was! I've never had my testosterone tested but I suspect mine is low as well - I'm very stereotypically feminine in body shape and lots of other things. However as far as I know that's not an easy problem for women to fix since any testosterone supplementation comes with a bunch of fairly serious side effects that I for one wouldn't be willing to risk just for potential libido improvement - starting with things like facial hair growth which I'm sure won't make me feel any sexier. I did find that doing weight training and trying to eat more protein helps my drive considerably, probably since it naturally boosts test. levels. Also like someone said it's 'use it or lose it' - I find that even though I may not feel like it, I'll often enjoy it once we get started.

I also find that because it's not generally on my mind during the day, especially when you're wrapped up in the mommy mindset which is so not sexy, I need to make a conscious effort to switch modes at night. Like many women I can't just go from putting my son to bed to jumping in the sack, which is also why it's hard to be spontaneous when you have kids. Spending an hour or so relaxing with a glass of wine, taking a bath, and mentally getting myself in the mood helps a lot.
Also, how do you approach your wife for sex or initiate it? This may be different for other women, but for me personally getting turned on is a lot about how I feel about myself and how DH makes me feel rather than anything he does physically. I want to be pursued and to feel wanted, and I find it impossible to turn him down if I see his eyes burning and him telling me how fantastic I look and how much he wants me. Try doing something unexpected with your wife, like grabbing her when she's not expecting it, giving her a passionate kiss and telling her she's beautiful. Don't necessarily expect it to lead to sex but see where it goes. Don't be afraid to get slightly rough, most women i know love that - when she sees that you want her so much that you can't control yourself. One issue that we have with my husband is that HE likes me to take the initiative sometimes too and to be like that with him, which I can understand but that just does nothing for me and I don't like putting on an act.
Anyways, just some ideas for you. Rethink how you approach her.
If you are being rejected, your self esteem and confidence get damaged. The longer this goes on, it changes how you approach her and how she responds. One of the things that is very exciting about new love is the sense that you're like hungry animals, just after each other. Grr! Then it becomes this thing where you're a wounded, needy animal approaching with tail between legs, giving the puppy eyes like a dog that's sitting by the dinner table hoping for a bite.

That. Is. Not. Attractive.

In fact I'd say this was one of several big factors that led to the chasm-like rift between my husband and I, sexually, now. I'd tell him if I honestly cared one bit about fixing any of this, which at this point I do not.

Moral of my story, OP, is that I hope that you can get this stuff sorted, do NOT just try and lamely muddle through and let the years go by...because one day it's gonna be too far gone...
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Old 03-23-2015, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Where rhotic consonants are either absent or intrusive
8,890 posts, read 5,205,125 times
Reputation: 14579
Of course they're not having sex often enough. I absolutely agree with that. I am simply imparting some wisdom that just because you start out with sex every night for the first couple of years doesn't mean it's going to stay that way; it's always better to go in with realistic expectations so you can deal with it as a couple, rather than let resentment get in the way. Who's in a better position to work through a dry spell like this: the guy who takes it personally that his wife is holding out on him, or the guy who recognizes that his wife is experiencing a very common hormonal imbalance that must be fixed so they can get back on track?
FWIW, there is no FDA approved medication to help females with low sex drive; we don't have our own version of Viagra et al. to help us over the hump (so to speak), which is a shame because it's very common for a woman's sex drive to take a nose dive during the years when there are small children to be tended to. Some of us have been through and lived tell the tale.

ETA: We also don't know what's behind the 20% success rate. Is she having trouble getting aroused, so sex is painful? Are kids waking up and pounding on the bedroom door?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Professional View Post
The OP does mention his success rate is 20 percent and its every 3 months. I feel bad for the OP because he craves sex from his wife and it seems like an annoying chore to do. Usually there are some medication or pills to resolve these issues. I would have to disagree on this thou. I understand there are some days where people have no desire for sex but it should not go THAT long thou 3 months is too long and the OP would get more and more frustrated with this hes married and if he won't get some from his wife then who?. I have meet old couples in their 40's still with high sex drives that do it like most days however some also have low stress and low responsibility.

The OP needs to spice up his marriage and so does the wife.

Too much responsibilities and things goin on at the same time can greatly reduce the flames of a marriage in terms of hot romance and sex. So finding the time and making it is important. It should really not be an annoying chore to do this thou.

Now if I was married and I still got the " honey not tonight' for months I be really annoyed. That's just me I hate having to earn sex or beg for it like a chore for months ends especially in a marriage.

Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 03-23-2015 at 01:08 PM..
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Chicago
3,275 posts, read 4,751,869 times
Reputation: 4036
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Professional View Post
The OP does mention his success rate is 20 percent and its every 3 months. I feel bad for the OP because he craves sex from his wife and it seems like an annoying chore to do. Usually there are some medication or pills to resolve these issues. I would have to disagree on this thou. I understand there are some days where people have no desire for sex but it should not go THAT long thou 3 months is too long and the OP would get more and more frustrated with this hes married and if he won't get some from his wife then who?. I have meet old couples in their 40's still with high sex drives that do it like most days however some also have low stress and low responsibility.

The OP needs to spice up his marriage and so does the wife.

Too much responsibilities and things goin on at the same time can greatly reduce the flames of a marriage in terms of hot romance and sex. So finding the time and making it is important. It should really not be an annoying chore to do this thou.

Now if I was married and I still got the " honey not tonight' for months I be really annoyed. That's just me I hate having to earn sex or beg for it like a chore for months ends especially in a marriage. It should not be the norm

Whatever the OP has going in terms of responsibilities and urgent issues, that should be taken care of as well life happens everyday
The OP actually said they have sex three times a month, not once every three months. Just FYI.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:01 PM
 
765 posts, read 767,712 times
Reputation: 456
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
Of course they're not having sex often enough. I absolutely agree with that. I am simply imparting some wisdom that just because you start out with sex every night for the first couple of years doesn't mean it's going to stay that way; it's always better to go in with realistic expectations so you can deal with it as a couple, rather than let resentment get in the way. Who's in a better position to work through a dry spell like this: the guy who takes it personally that his wife is holding out on him, or the guy who recognizes that his wife is experiencing a very common hormonal imbalance that must be fixed so they can get back on track?

FWIW, there is no FDA approved medication to help females with low sex drive; we don't have our own version of Viagra et al. to help us over the hump (so to speak), which is a shame because it's very common for a woman's sex drive to take a nose dive during the years when there are small children to be tended to. Some of us have been through and lived tell the tale.

ETA: We also don't know what's behind the 20% success rate. Is she having trouble getting aroused, so sex is painful? Are kids waking up and pounding on the bedroom door?
The guy and wife should both satisfy each other urges regardless of any reasons. No one should really be suffering in the marriage. If the guy decides to tolerance the imbalance then hes going to suffer and be hurt emotionally and physically which is not cool. I hope the OP can figure something out because I Hate to see him tolerate this.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Where rhotic consonants are either absent or intrusive
8,890 posts, read 5,205,125 times
Reputation: 14579
I hate it too, especially because I know that the most important person in my life went through the same thing several years ago. Not once have I or anyone else on this thread said the he needs to "tolerate" this, but it's not going to change just because he wants it to. I can tell you right now, that the Mr. and I got our mojo back because our older female friends (unbeknownst to me) slapped him upside the head and set him straight. Once he understood what was going on in my head, he was better able to set the stage for some much needed changes on both of our parts. Because part of being in a LTR is learning that your own needs are the only thing that matter.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Professional View Post
The guy and wife should both satisfy each other urges regardless of any reasons. No one should really be suffering in the marriage. If the guy decides to tolerance the imbalance then hes going to suffer and be hurt emotionally and physically which is not cool. I hope the OP can figure something out because I Hate to see him tolerate this.
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:19 PM
 
765 posts, read 767,712 times
Reputation: 456
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
I hate it too, especially because I know that the most important person in my life went through the same thing several years ago. Not once have I or anyone else on this thread said the he needs to "tolerate" this, but it's not going to change just because he wants it to. I can tell you right now, that the Mr. and I got our mojo back because our older female friends (unbeknownst to me) slapped him upside the head and set him straight. Once he understood what was going on in my head, he was better able to set the stage for some much needed changes on both of our parts.
Guess Im lucky I never had to tolerate anything like this
Rarely had to go thru this in my days
Every couple is different
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:21 PM
 
3,789 posts, read 1,738,372 times
Reputation: 7474
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms.Mathlete View Post
I hate it too, especially because I know that the most important person in my life went through the same thing several years ago. Not once have I or anyone else on this thread said the he needs to "tolerate" this, but it's not going to change just because he wants it to. I can tell you right now, that the Mr. and I got our mojo back because our older female friends (unbeknownst to me) slapped him upside the head and set him straight. Once he understood what was going on in my head, he was better able to set the stage for some much needed changes on both of our parts. Because part of being in a LTR is learning that your own needs are the only thing that matter.
Wasn't your problem mostly hormonal? Why did your friends address your husband?
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Old 03-23-2015, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Where rhotic consonants are either absent or intrusive
8,890 posts, read 5,205,125 times
Reputation: 14579
You're 21, correct? There's a great deal you haven't had to tolerate yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Professional View Post
Guess Im lucky I never had to tolerate anything like this
Rarely had to go thru this in my days
Every couple is different
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