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Old 03-24-2015, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Missouri
43 posts, read 25,296 times
Reputation: 72

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Wow this one is a classic case of a common misunderstanding between genders. Now keep in mind I have been married 35 years to my first, so I haven't been in any dating scene in years. But, I can tell you this 100% applied to me and still to my few single male friends.

If you walked up to a guy and just said my name is ____ and I wanted to say hi, to chat or to meet you, it would pull about a million pounds of pressure off the guy. I don't mean some overtly flirty innuendo, just a pleasant introduction. Guys always have to worry about being perceived as personal space invaders, and right or wrong, the girls/women get a pass on that one.

Skip the cheesy gap fillers like; come here often, my sign is, etc. and just be yourself. If you can do it honestly, explain you are a little nervous and not a frequent dater. Just that one assurance will cut his nervousness in half. Most guys assume every woman is unflappable and supremely confident. If you are not sincere, don't say it. Nervous guys are like human lie detectors set to max sensitivity.

Then here is the hard part for either person. Just hush and allow the introduction to mellow a minute or so. This guy's mind is running ninety to nothing and that actually means slow reactions, not fast ones. Now if he is a guy every girl dreams of, he will move fast. But, if he was, he wouldn't be there alone, would he? So even if you are nervous or just impatient, hold the chit chat for a minute or two and let his mind comprehend that a girl actually came to him to talk. Just that boost alone will help him then and in the back of his mind the pedestal you are on just got two inches higher for being a cool girl/woman rather than an unapproachable fantasy. You might find out, he was already well aware of you and just couldn't do what you did.

Meeting guys/girls for possible relationships is just like meeting new friends at work, school or anywhere else. It is hard and some people are smoother than others. But I promise you if the other person wants met, it is not that bad, and if they don't it is not your fault.
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Old 03-24-2015, 03:03 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
3,262 posts, read 2,318,379 times
Reputation: 4445
Hi. Usually gets the ball rolling. Works for me. Saves that loooong walk away from you, if a guy comes up to you and you shoot him down.
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Old 03-24-2015, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,724 posts, read 12,225,075 times
Reputation: 26137
Step 1 (which is the hardest step for most women) is to approach.

Everything else is easy from there.
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Old 03-24-2015, 04:01 PM
 
Location: Missouri
43 posts, read 25,296 times
Reputation: 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
Step 1 (which is the hardest step for most women) is to approach.

Everything else is easy from there.

Exactly and for men too.

Odd isn't it that the thing people are most afraid of, rejection, is exactly what they do to themselves. I mean what is the worst that can happen? The other person rejects you in an ass type way? So what? They will fade right out of your life. They will be gone like a bad smell and your life will go on.

But what if they like you? Maybe a lifetime relationship. Seems like the possible payoff is a lot better than the possible cost yet most people reject themselves before they even give the other person a chance.
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Old 03-24-2015, 08:12 PM
 
Location: City of Atlanta
2,752 posts, read 1,710,967 times
Reputation: 3839
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miquel Westano View Post
Exactly and for men too.

Odd isn't it that the thing people are most afraid of, rejection, is exactly what they do to themselves. I mean what is the worst that can happen? The other person rejects you in an ass type way? So what? They will fade right out of your life. They will be gone like a bad smell and your life will go on.

But what if they like you? Maybe a lifetime relationship. Seems like the possible payoff is a lot better than the possible cost yet most people reject themselves before they even give the other person a chance.
This is easier said than done. Rejecting yourself is a much softer letdown (usually) than being rejected by someone else. People are naturally afraid of not being liked. It's very difficult for some to surmount.
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Old 03-24-2015, 10:59 PM
 
74 posts, read 67,477 times
Reputation: 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sommie789 View Post
Any tips?

Yes, I wish more women would do it! It is 2015 not 1815 where the woman had no choice and had top basically settle for whoever asked her out. You would think the womens movement of the 60s would have changed that, but sadly many women still have no adapted to it.

Men love attention just as much as women do.
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Old 03-25-2015, 09:51 AM
 
6,307 posts, read 6,097,425 times
Reputation: 3607
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miquel Westano View Post
Guys always have to worry about being perceived as personal space invaders, and right or wrong, the girls/women get a pass on that one
Yes, girls get a pass on that one among other things. This should make it easier on the few women who do consider taking the initiative with a man and putting that kind of effort. When I lived in Asia a girl didn’t necessarily had to be flirty or seductive. It was as simple as just talking about current events or whatever was happening around us. Say we were waiting for the train, something as simple as “Hhhmm its taking longer than usual, huh? I thought it was supposed to be here at X time” and then replying whatever and little by little you change the topic and just carry on. No rocket science really.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jello071 View Post
Yes, I wish more women would do it! It is 2015 not 1815 where the woman had no choice and had top basically settle for whoever asked her out. You would think the womens movement of the 60s would have changed that, but sadly many women still have no adapted to it.
I have wondered the same thing. Women can be seen managing big companies, running for president, competing in rough sports, going to colleges of their choice, travelling around the world, doing military service, etc. but approaching a man and taking the initiative all of a sudden gives them a heart attack?
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Old 03-29-2015, 11:24 PM
 
109 posts, read 105,557 times
Reputation: 51
For women, feel free to be bold and direct. Most guys would probbly be happy they were the ones being chased for once.
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Old 03-29-2015, 11:32 PM
 
7 posts, read 5,290 times
Reputation: 10
It isn't an easy thing to approach a man. Maybe trying it out with a male friend is good practice. Ask his opinions and you might understand that men are not complicated at all. I don't worry much about what they are thinking about me because I feel good about the person who I am😀
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Old 03-30-2015, 12:00 AM
 
750 posts, read 488,233 times
Reputation: 593
Just go up and chat them up. Then at the end give them your number and tell them to message/call you if he wants to get lunch or coffee sometime.

Easy peasy.
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