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Old 03-25-2015, 05:29 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,361 posts, read 41,900,880 times
Reputation: 83294

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenteacookie View Post
Ahaha !
Thank you all for your advice. I really needed some unbiased point of view, 'good' and 'bad'.
I think both sides are correct. Still, he's the instructors' coach so either he can be interested in me or interested in his job and that's why he's being super nice.

I know he doesn't treat other girls like he treats me because I've seen it and it doesn't come close. When I'm working out and he's around, he pays attention only to what I'm doing. Then he waits to be near me and gives me advice in such a weird way because he doesn't call my name but he comes near me until I notice he's beside me and then he corrects me. He doesn't do that with anyone else and I'm not the only one noticing that now. Maybe we've become somehow friends?

And today when I finished my workout, I approached him because I intended to make my super move. He was surprised for some reason to see me there although he was alone doodling. 'What's up beautiful!? How are you? What did you do? How did it go? How much weight did you use? tell me'. I honestly felt like a child as he threw me for a loop blurting out so many questions I just made some dumb joke, laughed and left.

YEY.
Lame.

Hum...I do have my doubts you know? but I think I'm gonna go ask him. What's there to lose? But I'm not going to ask him out on a date, I think that's way too aggressive. I'll think a more subtle approach to try it thursday just to put an end to my wondering.

I'll keep you posted if you want ! Make some bets
I bet he will say he's flattered but decline in a gentle/clumsy/awkward way.
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Old 03-25-2015, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Missouri
43 posts, read 25,317 times
Reputation: 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
I bet he will say he's flattered but decline in a gentle/clumsy/awkward way.

I'll bet he doesn't decline. Maybe I am wrong and just getting OP's hopes up, but I don't think so. OP's may have a few issues of insecurity, but she never said her eyes and ears were defective. She has seen and heard this man treat her differently. So obviously he thinks of her differently. The worst that can happen is that he likes her as a friend, trust her as someone he could talk to and is already committed in another relationship. Gee that would be the end of the world if you had a new friend, huh?

I'll bet this guy is just like OP, nervous and afraid he is misreading too. Thirty years ago my daughter was scared to cross the street and ask some kids to play. I walked her over and did the intro for her. She played with those kids all the way through elementary school and stills sees some of them today. What if she would have stayed in the house?

Dang it OP, don't make me come over and walk you into that gym! If it doesn't work out, so what? Will he really affect your life much after that? BUT WHAT IF IT DOES? Now don't make me keyboard shout again, my fingers are poised though if necessary! Get your priorities straight. The first one is you.
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Old 03-25-2015, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,361 posts, read 41,900,880 times
Reputation: 83294
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miquel Westano View Post
Gee that would be the end of the world if you had a new friend, huh?

I'll bet this guy is just like OP, nervous and afraid he is misreading too. Thirty years ago my daughter was scared to cross the street and ask some kids to play. I walked her over and did the intro for her. She played with those kids all the way through elementary school and stills sees some of them today. What if she would have stayed in the house?
.
While I appreciate your enthusiasm, your metaphor doesn't really translate.

Trainers, restaurants servers, teachers, health care workers and those in helping positions are often mistaken as being interested in someone when really they are just doing your job with their personality. Many also are hit on VERY often.

We only have the situation viewed through the OP's eyes, and they can see whatever she wants them to see.
I guess we will have to wait and see.

Last edited by BirdieBelle; 03-25-2015 at 09:31 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 03-25-2015, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Missouri
43 posts, read 25,317 times
Reputation: 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
While I appreciate your enthusiasm, your metaphor doesn't really translate.

Trainers, restaurants servers, teachers, health care workers and those in helping positions are often mistaken as being interested in someone when really they are just doing your job with their personality. Many also are hit on VERY often.

We only have the situation viewed through the OP's eyes, and they can see whatever she wants them to see.
I guess we will have to wait and see.

And if I get another view, maybe I will change my opinion. But, enthusiasm aside, what does the OP have to lose? If these helpers get "hit on very often" then what's one more? But, if he is interested then look at the upside vs. downside.

I just don't get all this timidity or your lack of enthusiasm. You may be smarter than me, and have more experience on these forums with situations like this, but I just don't see how she can be happier not taking a chance and never knowing.

Also I have no stats to back this up, but I'll bet there are a lot more people who regret not trying something than there are people who tried something and wished they hadn't. Lion taming and snake handling maybe being the two exceptions.

OP, it is your call. I have no personal stake and nothing to gain if you succeed and certainly nothing to make me happy if you fail. I just don't know how you can not take a chance when there is virtually nothing that can really have a long term negative impact on your life. If he is not interested, so what? Are you going to go hide in a cave? Will it stop you from going on with your life? Will people line up everyday to laugh and taunt you? Nope. My guess is nothing will change other than you may feel a little embarrassed. Big deal. Ever trip in public? Mispronounce a word? Spill a drink at a restaurant? Who cares? Live your life for yourself and quit worrying about what people think. Nice people don't care and jerks don't count.
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Old 03-25-2015, 10:25 AM
 
32,475 posts, read 26,356,312 times
Reputation: 19123
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenteacookie View Post
Ahaha !
Thank you all for your advice. I really needed some unbiased point of view, 'good' and 'bad'.
I think both sides are correct. Still, he's the instructors' coach so either he can be interested in me or interested in his job and that's why he's being super nice.

I know he doesn't treat other girls like he treats me because I've seen it and it doesn't come close. When I'm working out and he's around, he pays attention only to what I'm doing. Then he waits to be near me and gives me advice in such a weird way because he doesn't call my name but he comes near me until I notice he's beside me and then he corrects me. He doesn't do that with anyone else and I'm not the only one noticing that now. Maybe we've become somehow friends?

And today when I finished my workout, I approached him because I intended to make my super move. He was surprised for some reason to see me there although he was alone doodling. 'What's up beautiful!? How are you? What did you do? How did it go? How much weight did you use? tell me'. I honestly felt like a child as he threw me for a loop blurting out so many questions I just made some dumb joke, laughed and left.

YEY.
Lame.

Hum...I do have my doubts you know? but I think I'm gonna go ask him. What's there to lose? But I'm not going to ask him out on a date, I think that's way too aggressive. I'll think a more subtle approach to try it thursday just to put an end to my wondering.

I'll keep you posted if you want ! Make some bets
go for it, one bit of advice though, dont be too subtle, remember he is still a guy and subtlety isnt our strong suit. sometimes one needs a 2x4 to get through to us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
While I appreciate your enthusiasm, your metaphor doesn't really translate.

Trainers, restaurants servers, teachers, health care workers and those in helping positions are often mistaken as being interested in someone when really they are just doing your job with their personality. Many also are hit on VERY often.

We only have the situation viewed through the OP's eyes, and they can see whatever she wants them to see.
I guess we will have to wait and see.
you may be right on this one, but it feels different somehow.
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Old 03-25-2015, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,826 posts, read 3,217,528 times
Reputation: 3340
I've never called a girl beautiful unless I liked her.
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Old 03-25-2015, 01:38 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,806 posts, read 3,044,068 times
Reputation: 4790
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
I've never called a girl beautiful unless I liked her.
Does a guy who calls a girl, "hey beautiful" sound like the type that would be shy about his intentions?
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Old 03-25-2015, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,361 posts, read 41,900,880 times
Reputation: 83294
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miquel Westano View Post
And if I get another view, maybe I will change my opinion. But, enthusiasm aside, what does the OP have to lose? If these helpers get "hit on very often" then what's one more? But, if he is interested then look at the upside vs. downside.

I just don't get all this timidity or your lack of enthusiasm. You may be smarter than me, and have more experience on these forums with situations like this, but I just don't see how she can be happier not taking a chance and never knowing.

Also I have no stats to back this up, but I'll bet there are a lot more people who regret not trying something than there are people who tried something and wished they hadn't. Lion taming and snake handling maybe being the two exceptions.

OP, it is your call. I have no personal stake and nothing to gain if you succeed and certainly nothing to make me happy if you fail. I just don't know how you can not take a chance when there is virtually nothing that can really have a long term negative impact on your life. If he is not interested, so what? Are you going to go hide in a cave? Will it stop you from going on with your life? Will people line up everyday to laugh and taunt you? Nope. My guess is nothing will change other than you may feel a little embarrassed. Big deal. Ever trip in public? Mispronounce a word? Spill a drink at a restaurant? Who cares? Live your life for yourself and quit worrying about what people think. Nice people don't care and jerks don't count.
For one, you're making a LOT of assumptions about the OP and her level of timidity. She only asked for advice about a guy, not a free motivational seminar.

And I am not without enthusiasm. All I have done is encourage her to be CAUTIOUS because she is risking a "friend" AND her gym situation if this goes wrong.
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Old 03-25-2015, 02:26 PM
 
3 posts, read 1,954 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by rbohm View Post
go for it, one bit of advice though, dont be too subtle, remember he is still a guy and subtlety isnt our strong suit. sometimes one needs a 2x4 to get through to us.



you may be right on this one, but it feels different somehow.
Well, there was this one time in one of those one-on-one classes where he took his shirt off just because. He wanted to change his shirt apparently, but locker rooms were just next door and yep, he took his time changing shirts. Honestly I've never seen a trainer do that and I never seen him do that again in front of anyone else.

I don't believe he's my soulmate, my future husband and that we're getting married this weekend. I would like to get to know him better, if possible. But I'm afraid I might cross a line, come across as someone I am not and get turned down. I'm not saying I'm being 100% objective either, and maybe he calls me beautiful because he can't remember my name and he takes his shirt off because that something he does and because he felt like it. I'm interested, yes, but I'm not delusional.

Do I believe he's really shy and loves me secretly because we have some sort of forbidden gym romance going on? Nope. I believe when someone is interested, it shows, no matter what. I mean, look at me causing controversy between Mike and Wmsn4Life because I don't know how or if I should say hey! to this guy

Now I'm left with questions:

Something that keeps drilling the back of my head: should a guy always make the first move if he's interested no matter what the situation is? And if he doesn't is because he's not into the girl?

How subtle is subtle? How can I let him now I would like to get to know him better without sounding like 'Hey you and I ROOM right NOW' or like 'Yeaaah nice weather, bye'

PS: I am really shy when it comes to these kind of things, I mean I'm online asking what to do. If I wasn't, oh believe me I know how would I catch his attention because everybody knows that gym girl. Besides, when he took his shirt off in front of me I think that was my opportunity to act like a damsel in distress as I was squatting 112 lbs. I kept doing my thing because I didn't know what to do and found that a little bit intimidating.

Last edited by Greenteacookie; 03-25-2015 at 02:32 PM.. Reason: PS
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Old 03-25-2015, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Missouri
43 posts, read 25,317 times
Reputation: 72
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
For one, you're making a LOT of assumptions about the OP and her level of timidity. She only asked for advice about a guy, not a free motivational seminar.

And I am not without enthusiasm. All I have done is encourage her to be CAUTIOUS because she is risking a "friend" AND her gym situation if this goes wrong.

Much like I tell her not to worry about other's opinions I don't either. So I will assume what I want and give all the free seminars I want. I don't encourage gazelles to cross a river filled with crocodiles, but people trying to be happy, I do. You feel free not to read my assumptive and motivational post if you don't want to.

You have a dandy day my friend and maybe we will agree elsewhere.
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