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Old 04-17-2015, 04:59 AM
 
Location: H-town, TX.
3,428 posts, read 5,749,709 times
Reputation: 2120

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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
As low as 21? Yikes!

Other than the obvious, what can a 21 year old possibly offer a 35-40 year old man?

Nvm, Lol
Pretty much what a 35-40 year old can offer? A dumb 21-year old won't become a smart 35-year old overnight...or ever. I'm sure my ex-neighbor chick wasn't a rocket scientist that got tossed in lockup back then. She sure ain't at 35.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atalanta View Post
Age range you are looking for "21-35".
Might be creepy to some.
You said you are 35.

35 yr old willing to date a 21 yr old could scare a lot of women off.
I doubt OP should give a flying fudge about those women then.

Same with everyone else who tells OP to adjust his age. Every word I'd punch off the keyword would just get blocked, but it's none of your business to dictate his desires, anyway.

I had a coworker a few years back tell me that as a 31-year old, I should put 18-35 as my age range. Yeah? Like I needed to take a married woman's opinion on that matter? Heck, an 18-year old office gal wouldn't have dated someone my age, but she sported some lousy looking tats, so the feeling would have been mutual even if she hadn't had a rough bringing up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1986pacecar View Post
I think you're age range is a little iffy, you'd really want to date a 21 year old? Try a more realistic range of say 28 to 40, it sounds like you only want women younger than you are...much younger in some cases.


I didn't need to use OLD to magically bump into a young lady half my age who seriously enjoys my company. If that turns women off, because they weren't good enough, then why do I care? Albeit, this one is an import de Mexico who probably doesn't have the stupid cultural hangups most Americans do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by david0966 View Post
I agree. Usually when I see "just ask" I just skip. I don't need your whole life story, but give me something.
Most folks don't have interesting lives. What better way to advertise that point!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
As for the profile .. I'm a 34/f. I was turned off from the profile that Montanaguy has because it sounds arrogant and self serving, and that is not because I don't fit the criteria, but because the attitude behind the profile is hard lined on HIS wants with zero room for compromise. I have zero tolerance for a man that is willing to entertain a relationship with a 21yr old but has ruled out a lady that is 1 year older than himself. Sure, the argument that "age is just a number" has been heard a thousand times, but age brings on life experience. a 36yr old woman is more properly prepared to make good life choices than a 21yr old woman.
Once again, if you are put off by OPs desires, then he's not any worse for it, because you aren't on his radar, either.

As for age bringing on "experience", well...I doubt OP wants to experience the many other men that have been in your average late 30s woman's life. If OP did things right and walked the straight and narrow while being a good guy who read his bible growing up, I doubt he really should have to dig for scraps because your feelings are hurt.

If it would make you feel better, I could try to date one of my ex-high school classmate single moms. Then again, I don't have to...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
Not only is it lazy, it also shows a certain level of arrogance, as if the woman is saying she's worth you taking the time to message her even though there are plenty of other women who actually filled out their profiles. Just imagine if every profile said "just ask". Oh wait. That's Tinder.
Your last point brings up why these women are using OLD. Never mind that they don't truly accept it and treat it like a joke (well, they say that "my friend made me sign up for this website" nonsense as a defense mechanism) as if guys are there for entertainment purposes only, but they are obviously that undesirable to not have enough guys hitting on them at their desk job answering the phone all day long.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bronxguyanese View Post
Maybe the age range thing can be altered a bit instead of 21-35 how about 25-40?
Why does this matter? Are you insinuating that a women who is a legal adult needs to have her hands held in the dating world? Do you not believe in equality? Would you think that about a 40-year old woman who wanted to date a guy that young?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Rhode Island 1,052,567
men: 508,400 48.3%
women: 544,167 51.7%
Read more at Male to female sex ratio, ranked by state

Rhode Islands male/female ratio is pretty much the same as it is nationally and globally: women = 51%

This is a pan-human characteristic. Men do this all the time, too, including some of our desperate-sounding guys. They admit they're not attracted to the women who approach them. While some people might benefit by at least having a conversation with someone they're not initially attracted to, to see if they have other attractive qualities beyond the physical, it's not a crime to not be attracted to someone.
World Population by Gender, Age, Fertility Rate, Immigration - Worldometers

50.7% of the pop is men. You should check out some of the Arab nations, FWIW.

OP would be glad to know that Russia and Ukraine are both 53.9% women. Now he knows that he can have better luck hopping on a jet to one of those countries and finding Miss Right. He best not post about it, though, since he'll just get women shaming his future wife for only wanting him for his ability to provide for the household. Funny how that works.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dragon_fly_12 View Post
The failure to find the perfect match lies within the overall package that OP is offering to the audience. He found 4 women that could be potential matches, so he sent messages and they were ignored. Why where they ignored?
Because he's likely one of hundreds of messages that the small number of universally visually desirable women using OLD get. Mass delete time!

Also, see my point about how OLD takes the "humanity" out of people and turns them into purely pictures and numbers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I think it would be prudent to understand, however, that by including people as low as 21 in the range, he very very well may be turning off people that do fit his criteria.

Just like when I see otherwise seemingly good matches have income criteria, that I do indeed meet, it often turns me off from contacting them.

A person has to consider how their profile will be viewed. Being too broad, is often just as offputting as being too narrow. That's pretty reasonable.
How about just being straightforward and upfront and not worrying about the folks that might be turned off? Why would anyone care about that portion of the audience anyway?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Prince_Frog View Post
I have taken that test several times. I tested ENFJ every time. There have been no fluctuations with me.
I rolled out of bed one morning last June and got a 309 on my GRE without a lick of studying. How does that translate?

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
OP?

Make your age range 24-39.

Nobody says you have to actually date anyone that's 36-39, but it'll attract more women if you don't sound like an old perv.
Once again, just quit it. He loses if he "preys on older women" and loses if he dates younger. Stop it already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76 View Post
I think if someone doesn't want to date someone a year older or younger than them - it would grab my attention in a negative way. I think if a 35 year old said they were looking for someone 25-35 that probably wouldn't grab my attention in the same way - but to go down to 21, it just makes me think that they are looking for someone as young as they can get. Might not be a fair assumption but that would be my gut reaction.
And what? If those kind of rigid guides don't work for you, don't use OLD then. All that does is break people with feelings down into a bunch of rigid numbers and pictures. I guarantee you all the 5'2" chicks I see who want 6' and up guys suddenly drop that caveat if they got away from their desktops.

Quote:
Originally Posted by summer_land View Post
For the OP's profile, I would agree with some posters. Try to sound and BE more modest. I love a guy who doesn't know how great he is, but does not have low self-esteem either, and he does not think he's better than anyone else (fat or skinny).
I thought "honesty is the best policy", yo? Are we know advocating being phoneys while OLD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheDriver View Post
Don't agree that your expectations are too high at all no. Sounds like she's just got issues. It's totally reasonable not to want to date a woman who's already got kids of her own.
His expectations weren't. She just got bent out of shape that she swung and missed. All the white knighting she got from bottom feeders got her confidence up and she thought she had OP bagged in a cinch sack. Ooops.
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Old 04-17-2015, 06:47 AM
 
4,480 posts, read 3,130,238 times
Reputation: 4288
Quote:
Your last point brings up why these women are using OLD. Never mind that they don't truly accept it and treat it like a joke (well, they say that "my friend made me sign up for this website" nonsense as a defense mechanism) as if guys are there for entertainment purposes only, but they are obviously that undesirable to not have enough guys hitting on them at their desk job answering the phone all day long.
Like I've said, women feel bad about being online when what they receive in their inbox makes them feel as they were slumming. If what they received in their inboxes was more desirable, more women would flock to online dating. Online continues to have that stigma, because for every 1 person that's taking it seriously, there's 5 that are not. It makes it too difficult to continue sifting through profiles to hope you find the one person that is taking it seriously.

I know exactly why women use "Just Ask". They're just window shopping, because the guy(s) they wanted in real life didn't want them and they thought online would be better, yet it was much worse. Guys are the flip side of that statement. They just don't use "Just Ask". They just put in enough effort to hopefully get you in bed.
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Old 04-17-2015, 07:18 AM
 
609 posts, read 476,510 times
Reputation: 919
Your profile was completely fine. As a woman I remember getting some incredibly nasty messages from guys telling me I'm a "b****" bc they didn't like what I wrote on my profile (at the time I said I wanted someone fit and educated like me and I had a height preference). Some people are online for a reason...
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Old 04-17-2015, 08:48 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,903,945 times
Reputation: 22129
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlfredB1979 View Post
And what? If those kind of rigid guides don't work for you, don't use OLD then. All that does is break people with feelings down into a bunch of rigid numbers and pictures. I guarantee you all the 5'2" chicks I see who want 6' and up guys suddenly drop that caveat if they got away from their desktops.


I'm married so I won't be using OLD. Simply offering my opinion. Just sharing what that age range would say to me. That's all.
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Old 04-17-2015, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 636,859 times
Reputation: 1296
Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
Somehow I missed this thread the first time around. When I was doing OLD, I always specified no men with kids, and I got plenty of angry emails from men who made all kinds of assumptions about me being all about my career (I wasn't), etc.

I learned early on that it was pointless to engage with irrationally angry people on the internet. I never bothered with responses as I didn't want to expend my time and energy on someone I would never meet. I still employ that strategy today on C-D.

People have their preferences and stating them up-front in their profiles saves everyone time. I may have sometimes questioned those preferences, but my questioning was internal...I wouldn't have dreamed of messaging someone to question or criticize something stated in his profile. OLD is time-consuming enough without wasting time contacting an obviously non-viable match to critique his profile. There is something really wrong with people (men AND women) who do this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Yeah. I never understood why not only didn't these guys not read my profile but would send abusive messages. I never contacted a man not looking for someone like me, why did they do this to me? I assumed they were just losers.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseLikeAnyOther View Post
Your profile was completely fine. As a woman I remember getting some incredibly nasty messages from guys telling me I'm a "b****" bc they didn't like what I wrote on my profile (at the time I said I wanted someone fit and educated like me and I had a height preference). Some people are online for a reason...
Agree with all of the above. I have never and will never contact a woman for the simple reason of telling her that I don't like or disagree with her profile. That is just a LOL move. People are free to have their own preferences no matter how outlandish they may be, its their life. As long as what they are doing doesn't affect my life I don't care. If I'm not a match for her I'm not going to be upset about it and send her a nasty message, I will just move on.

I have written women whom I didn't fit into their narrow criteria (IMO) but I didn't express my opinion about it. I just wrote and if she wasn't interested and ignores me, so what, don't care. Back when I first tried OLD I would spend 15-30 minutes writing up thoughtful and time spent messages to women I was interested in and would actually be eagerly waiting for a message in the next day or two. After all she's single, I'm single, I'm a great guy that wants to see her surely she will write back right? LOL! I was so naive. Now I just don't care anymore. There have been many times that I forgot I even wrote someone because every message is fire and forget now. No expectations, no hopes, just like mailing off a job resume.

The flipside of not caring anymore if a woman doesn't return interest, I also don't care if I'm the one that isn't interested. /ignore and move on.
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Old 04-17-2015, 03:42 PM
 
4,480 posts, read 3,130,238 times
Reputation: 4288
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04 View Post
Agree with all of the above. I have never and will never contact a woman for the simple reason of telling her that I don't like or disagree with her profile. That is just a LOL move. People are free to have their own preferences no matter how outlandish they may be, its their life. As long as what they are doing doesn't affect my life I don't care. If I'm not a match for her I'm not going to be upset about it and send her a nasty message, I will just move on.

I have written women whom I didn't fit into their narrow criteria (IMO) but I didn't express my opinion about it. I just wrote and if she wasn't interested and ignores me, so what, don't care. Back when I first tried OLD I would spend 15-30 minutes writing up thoughtful and time spent messages to women I was interested in and would actually be eagerly waiting for a message in the next day or two. After all she's single, I'm single, I'm a great guy that wants to see her surely she will write back right? LOL! I was so naive. Now I just don't care anymore. There have been many times that I forgot I even wrote someone because every message is fire and forget now. No expectations, no hopes, just like mailing off a job resume.

The flipside of not caring anymore if a woman doesn't return interest, I also don't care if I'm the one that isn't interested. /ignore and move on.
As sad as all the bolded sounds, it's about the true feelings of many people online. Why get excited when you're the only person excited? I used to get so pumped when I felt I wrote a good opening message to someone and was eager to hear back from them. As time went on, I realized I was likely putting too much emphasis and effort into a thought out message. Then I just started saying hello, what we had in common, and asked a question about them. If they responded great, if they didn't great.

I use the same boiler plate message, I just change up the interest and send it on. The creative side wasn't working and the boiler plate isn't much better, but I at least get the kind of responses I expect from boiler plate. Equally as weak and meager as my response, but I tend to have success after the initial response back from them.
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Old 04-18-2015, 09:50 AM
 
581 posts, read 476,944 times
Reputation: 369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Montanaguy04 View Post
So I was messaged by a woman that said she found me attractive but after reading my criteria on my profile she wasn't so sure after that. I reread my profile to see if I missed something in there but the only criteria I listed was age range of 21-35, fitness minded females since I am a fitness minded male, and no kids since I don't have kids. I am 35. This is what she wrote me.

It isn't like I made a huge list that I see on women's profiles.
What you have posted of your profile disgusts me too. Here's why: What are you doing being open to 21 year old women?? That is why the 41-year-old became angry.
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Old 04-18-2015, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Lansing, MI
2,954 posts, read 6,120,716 times
Reputation: 3253
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlfredB1979 View Post

As for age bringing on "experience", well...I doubt OP wants to experience the many other men that have been in your average late 30s woman's life. If OP did things right and walked the straight and narrow while being a good guy who read his bible growing up, I doubt he really should have to dig for scraps because your feelings are hurt.

If it would make you feel better, I could try to date one of my ex-high school classmate single moms. Then again, I don't have to...
What exactly is this supposed to mean? Unless you're daring to tread on insinuating that a man can be promiscuous and a woman cannot?

So, you're basically ASSUMING that a woman in her late 30's has had a number of men "in her life" - regardless of truth or not, but it is ok for a man in his late 30's to also be playing the game of averages with no fault?

And that is not even banging on the door of just how many men a 20-something may or may not have had in her life.

I certainly would not call a late 30's age woman that has her life in order, a career and self made future "digging for scraps" as you put it, but this is precisely the type of woman the OP would dismiss over a silly number if she's "too old" to fit his ideal. Yeah, well played on your argument.
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Old 04-18-2015, 01:47 PM
 
3,352 posts, read 2,253,403 times
Reputation: 2238
Quote:
Originally Posted by dessertlover View Post
What you have posted of your profile disgusts me too. Here's why: What are you doing being open to 21 year old women?? That is why the 41-year-old became angry.
I know at barley live her life at 21.
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Old 04-18-2015, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Montana
783 posts, read 636,859 times
Reputation: 1296
Quote:
Originally Posted by dessertlover View Post
What you have posted of your profile disgusts me too. Here's why: What are you doing being open to 21 year old women?? That is why the 41-year-old became angry.
I do find it funny, refreshing, and exhilarating when older women are mad at men wanting to date younger women. A 20s year old woman has no problem dating a man in his 30s but a 30s or 40s woman has a problem with a man dating a 20s woman LOL. Women don't have a problem with dating older and men that are more established then themselves until the same women get into their late 30s or older. Then suddenly its a problem and men should date women their own age and 'real men' should man up and be a father and provider for the kids she has had from past relationships.
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