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I wonder what makes people write nasty messages though. I mean, if I was doing OLD and I saw someone I was interested in but I didn't fit their preferences, I might write to them anyway. BUT I would write to them and say that I knew that I didn't fit their preferences but that I was interested in them. And if they wanted to give me a chance - great! If not - I'd move on. But I wouldn't write a nasty message.
It's the internet. Keyboard warriors are everywhere. I mean, why do some people respond with nasty messages to posts they don't agree with on this forum when they could just as easily be ignored? Some sense of "I want the last word, so take THAT!" attitude, or whatever other psych factors are at play.
It's the internet. Keyboard warriors are everywhere. I mean, why do some people respond with nasty messages to posts they don't agree with on this forum when they could just as easily be ignored? Some sense of "I want the last word, so take THAT!" attitude, or whatever other psych factors are at play.
I think it's different. If I didn't fit someone's criteria, I still might have a chance if I put my best foot forward but I definitely wouldn't have a chance if I acted like a lunatic. On the forum - nothing really makes a difference. You can agree with someone or disagree with someone - at the end of the day, none of it matters. With OLD, you are looking for a relationship or a date or marriage - so there's something at stake.
It's the internet. Keyboard warriors are everywhere. I mean, why do some people respond with nasty messages to posts they don't agree with on this forum when they could just as easily be ignored? Some sense of "I want the last word, so take THAT!" attitude, or whatever other psych factors are at play.
This is a forum for discussion. When I was on OLD I certainly didn't think it appropriate to tell someone what I thought of them, unless it was good.
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Maybe she is upset that I am a match for her but she is not a match for me. If she was of child bearing age and didn't have kids she probably would be. I'm never mean to women that message me. Meanest thing I'll do is ignore them like women ignore me.
Your experience is the male equivalent of what I Don't Date You got when she had a profile on OLD. She specified she wasn't looking for dads, but dads would contact her, and when she pointed out her main specification, they'd get angry at her.
Maybe for Montana, she's right; maybe you'll have trouble finding single women with no kids at that age. Geography does play a role in these things. I still think that if your business still takes you to CA occasionally, you should try to date there.
Didn't you say last year some time that you were almost 40, or had just turned 40?
I think it's different. If I didn't fit someone's criteria, I still might have a chance if I put my best foot forward but I definitely wouldn't have a chance if I acted like a lunatic. On the forum - nothing really makes a difference. You can agree with someone or disagree with someone - at the end of the day, none of it matters. With OLD, you are looking for a relationship or a date or marriage - so there's something at stake.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
This is a forum for discussion. When I was on OLD I certainly didn't think it appropriate to tell someone what I thought of them, unless it was good.
I agree that it's not the same thing, but it's the same psychological factors at work. Dew notes that she "might still have a chance if (she puts her) best foot forward", but not everyone feels that way. They'll see a filtering criteria that they don't fit and immediately rule themselves out. At that point, the chance is already "gone" and they go into vilification mode. They don't see the message as an opportunity for the recipient to set aside their search criteria, they see it as a means to vent their frustration and maybe even try to make the person feel bad about having those preferences in the first place.
I use this forum as an example because you see the exact same psychology in place, just being utilized in a different medium. I'm not justifying it; it's certainly a stupid thing to do. But if you want the reasoning...that's what it is. I never thought it was appropriate either, but when feelings get hurt, some people don't care about what's appropriate.
I agree with that. I don't send a message to anyone unless I have something good to say. Even a thanks but no thanks is rude IMO.
I'm actually okay with a thanks but no thanks. It at least acknowledges that I made a point to contact them. It takes all the questioning and guess work out of it. Also, I'm not the kind of guy that's going to bombard them with why they didn't want to communicate with me either.
It's the internet. Keyboard warriors are everywhere. I mean, why do some people respond with nasty messages to posts they don't agree with on this forum when they could just as easily be ignored? Some sense of "I want the last word, so take THAT!" attitude, or whatever other psych factors are at play.
You would've thought that attitude went away after high school.
I don't think you are that unreasonable. The age range is a bit off though. At 35, not many 20 something women will want to date you. My range has always been up to 5 years older than me and I don't know any women dating or married to men more than 7 yrs. older than them. It's just kind of unrealistic, and you may have to adjust your attractiveness requirements to compensate.
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