Saying: How Are You? Is A Waste Of Time? (American, friends, casual)
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Depends on how you ask. Some people say it like a mere greeting formula, i.e. better than not saying anything at all Others look and smile at you and ask in a way that you feel they really care One can also hear it in the intonation of the sentence and in the way they keep looking at you, waiting for you to tell them something, anything really...
If you ASK "how are you?" and not expect an answer, it is fake.
If you ask "how are you?' And only want to hear "GOOD" and not "not good today, because ..." it is fake. Why ask if you don't want to hear anything besides "good"?
Foreigners don't get that and in many other countries they only say HI. If you say in their language "Hi, how are you?" they either answer you honestly or wonder why a stranger would care how they feel like.
Super funny for foreigners is the
Person A "How are you?"
Person B "Good, how are you?"
Person A "Good and you?"
If you want to be the super duper person, you go one step further and say "how are you TODAY?" whoooooaaaa
I often hear the double, triple "how are you's" which I guess is being polite but for foreigners it doesn't make sense and is a waste of time. They would say "Hi, may I have ...?" they don't understand why the clerk in the store would want to know how they feel like today.
In the USA I eventually came to understand "how are you" as an extension of "Hi". There is no expectation for an answer. It's really annoying and stupid.
I agree, and I'm from the USA. lol But coming from a loved one, "How are you" could actually mean, "How are you", as in "I'd like to know how you're feeling right now, because I care about you".
It seems your gf couldn't discern the difference between just any "How are you", and the personal, more intimate "How are you".
Was she Germanic? Kind of sounds like it. Whatever. I'm surprised you two ever even managed to get to the relationship stage at all. Move on. You weren't each other's type.
Oh, so you've encountered foreigners finding it fake too? I tried to explain to her that in America where I come from people say "How are you?" all of the time. I asked her to respect my cultural heritage and I'd respect hers too. I met her in a friendly English-speaking country outside of the U.S.A.. She was not native to that country either. Her height didn't bother me, but it bothered her. What can I say - I was a fool in love. What attracted me to her was her mind. She was someone I could talk with about a wide array of subjects. I do miss that about her. Another bone of contention was - she felt it her duty to challenge me beyond the limits of constructive criticism when it came to discussing pointy-headed esoteric intellectual matters. I think she either had a massive inferiority complex or a massive superiority complex. I just can't tell whether she's one of the most rational individuals I've ever met or one of the biggest head cases.
In her case, I think she came to understand that I truly meant it because I did care. Even then it still bothered her. I finally stopped asking out of respect for her. Part of the problem in our relationship is she had me typecast and pigeonholed as someone I'm not. It's very hard to break out of that kind of a situation. I think there was a part of her that didn't like how I acquiesced to her requests, but then she would get upset when I wouldn't. Me thinks that isn't so uncommon.
She originated from near Boris Yeltsin's hometown. I was royally chewed out for suggesting he was drunk when he gave his televised resignation speech. Apparently, he was just sick. This is a girl that never met her father. Her mother was very tough on her. We met at a Synagogue. She had a Conservative conversion which wasn't recognized by the Rabbi at that Shul. I, on the other hand, am a Cohen. We're not suppose to marry Converts. But I explained to her those rules before bringing up the subject of marriage. Later she threw those rules in my face. We had such a lovely summer walking along a beautiful palm tree-lined promenade watching the blue waves crash against the rocky shore. No, I'm not a romance novel writer - this stuff really happened.
About compatibility, here is the eerie part - many of her odd little characteristics and quirks I did too. If anything, I think we may have been too similar and that caused friction. I think she felt maybe I trampled on her identity because of the parallels. There is no question about it - she purposely had an emotional wall far thicker than the one which once stood in Berlin.
Oh, so you've encountered foreigners finding it fake too? I tried to explain to her that in America where I come from people say "How are you?" all of the time. I asked her to respect my cultural heritage and I'd respect hers too. I met her in a friendly English-speaking country outside of the U.S.A.. She was not native to that country either. Her height didn't bother me, but it bothered her. What can I say - I was a fool in love. What attracted me to her was her mind. She was someone I could talk with about a wide array of subjects. I do miss that about her. Another bone of contention was - she felt it her duty to challenge me beyond the limits of constructive criticism when it came to discussing pointy-headed esoteric intellectual matters. I think she either had a massive inferiority complex or a massive superiority complex. I just can't tell whether she's one of the most rational individuals I've ever met or one of the biggest head cases.
That's probably why you liked her... you couldn't figure her out and it was driving you mad. MAD I SAY!!
I think you may be spot on right. If given the opportunity to marry her - I would NOT. I'm well over that misguided fantasy. Would I want to be friends with her again? Sure, if she would learn to respect me as a human being and treat me with kindness. I would love it. I would certainly reciprocate. Do I think it's gonna happen? Nah. Do I think it's even a good idea? Not sure.
The other component to the relationship was age. She had just turned 21 toward the end of our relation and I'm in my 30s. This is where I expect to be figuratively smacked across the face for thinking there was a snowball's chance in heck...
Certainly, at her age I thought I had things figured out and I totally did not. I realize this isn't an uncommon occurrence. Did it stroke my ego to be with a beautiful, intelligent, tall, younger girl in a beautiful country? You betcha. Especially, since I really don't have too much "luck" with women in general. As I read what I am writing, I can't help but think I'm making this up. Alas, I am not.
Last edited by HarryRSpooner; 03-26-2015 at 09:42 AM..
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Others look and smile at you and ask in a way that you feel they really care 
One can also hear it in the intonation of the sentence and in the way they keep looking at you, waiting for you to tell them something, anything really...
