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Old 03-26-2015, 08:05 AM
 
508 posts, read 666,579 times
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My ex-fiance even before she dumped me would chastise me for asking her "how are you?" She claimed it was an insincere formality or there is no way of adequately answering the question and it's a waste of time. Just get right to the point and talk. She also chided me for being too happy and optimistic. It would annoy her. She later conceded that she didn't think I was being fake or patronizing, but it still bothered her. This is a girl of supreme intellect. She is taller than me and not from the U.S.A. Did I dodge a bullet? I've never encountered anyone like her before - have you ever been reprimanded by someone you were in a relationship with for asking "how are you?" My hunch is most folks have been taken to the woodshed for NOT asking that question.

She would also seldom if ever wish me a Good Shabbos even when I would wish her one. It really hurt my feelings which are at times a hard thing to do! When I asked her about it - she said something to the effect "if I tell you it would make me look bad." I really don't want to bash my ex at all, I'm more interested in understanding why.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:06 AM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,979,656 times
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Yes, you dodged a bullet.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:11 AM
 
508 posts, read 666,579 times
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You know, she would quarrel over the most mundane of subjects ad nauseam. I tried to explain to her that Dr. Freud said Hello to a student walking by him in the hallway at a major University. The student asked him "what does that mean?" Freud replied "sometimes a Hello is just a Hello." I told her, sometimes "How are you?" means just that - how are you? : ) The only seemingly rational explanation I can come up with to defend her is - she enjoyed being a contrarian and being unique for the sake of it. She has major acceptance and identity issues which I tried to help her with. But I now realize that has to come from within her.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:29 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,894 posts, read 12,699,980 times
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The "how are you" but not expecting an answer or a fake answer doesn't make sense to foreigners.

However, yes, you dodget a bullet. Taller than you AND not from the U.S.A. seems like a double dealbreaker.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
545 posts, read 462,162 times
Reputation: 373
In the USA I eventually came to understand "how are you" as an extension of "Hi". There is no expectation for an answer. It's really annoying and stupid.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:42 AM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,979,656 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OvernightDelivery View Post
In the USA I eventually came to understand "how are you" as an extension of "Hi". There is no expectation for an answer. It's really annoying and stupid.

It is if you don't answer. Most people say "good, how are you?"

Not that annoying to me.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,198,979 times
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How is dating someone not from the USA a bad thing? I think it's awesome. Most American girls are dumb as rocks and annoying. This is just my experience, YMMV.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
545 posts, read 462,162 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
It is if you don't answer. Most people say "good, how are you?"

Not that annoying to me.
VERY rarely does anyone ever answer if I ask it.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:44 AM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,979,656 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OvernightDelivery View Post
VERY rarely does anyone ever answer if I ask it.

Now, that would be annoying to me.
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:44 AM
 
508 posts, read 666,579 times
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Oh, so you've encountered foreigners finding it fake too? I tried to explain to her that in America where I come from people say "How are you?" all of the time. I asked her to respect my cultural heritage and I'd respect hers too. I met her in a friendly English-speaking country outside of the U.S.A.. She was not native to that country either. Her height didn't bother me, but it bothered her. What can I say - I was a fool in love. What attracted me to her was her mind. She was someone I could talk with about a wide array of subjects. I do miss that about her. Another bone of contention was - she felt it her duty to challenge me beyond the limits of constructive criticism when it came to discussing pointy-headed esoteric intellectual matters. I think she either had a massive inferiority complex or a massive superiority complex. I just can't tell whether she's one of the most rational individuals I've ever met or one of the biggest head cases.
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