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Old 03-26-2015, 03:20 PM
 
8,547 posts, read 7,092,866 times
Reputation: 8982

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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin View Post
I think being friends with exes is fine. It's the amount of connection/correspondence and the type that is the issue here.

I'm sure that if ex guy wasn't chatting up the OP's girlfriend regularly and only texted or called now and then to say hello or catch up, this wouldn't be a huge issue.

My biggest concern here would be the OP's comfort level. If he's trying to be reasonable (it sounds like he is) and she's not considering his feelings? THAT is the red flag.
Yep
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Old 03-26-2015, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Mckinney
995 posts, read 1,098,447 times
Reputation: 1030
The girl I had been dating could not handle my relationship with my ex wife. I have kids with her, and help her out when she needs(fix things etc). Nothing go on, nor will it, since my ex had a long term affair, BUT I will always help her if she needs it. I had to break it off with girl since she was contstantly acccusing me of things. Its not like my ex and I ever hang out. I see her when I pickup my daughter.
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Old 03-26-2015, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,948 posts, read 6,104,896 times
Reputation: 7846
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving View Post
Because relationships change and evolve. You do realize that friendship is different than a romantic relationship, right?
I don't care. If your ex means that much to you, then go back to him. Total disrespect to do that when you know your partner hates that.
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Old 03-26-2015, 04:26 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,974 posts, read 12,744,081 times
Reputation: 31150
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikestrong View Post
The girl I had been dating could not handle my relationship with my ex wife. I have kids with her, and help her out when she needs(fix things etc). Nothing go on, nor will it, since my ex had a long term affair, BUT I will always help her if she needs it. I had to break it off with girl since she was contstantly acccusing me of things. Its not like my ex and I ever hang out. I see her when I pickup my daughter.
Thats a different situation since there are kids involved. You HAVE to be cordial for your kids sakes.
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Old 03-26-2015, 05:19 PM
 
8,716 posts, read 5,072,625 times
Reputation: 9874
Quote:
Originally Posted by jacktheknife View Post
That's part of the problem. Initially, it was in front of me, until I confronted her about it, now she makes these long trips to the bathroom and does it in there. I went in there last night to brush my teeth and she was talking to someone on the phone.

Everything I do is out in the open, everything. I expect the same thing in return. This is especially hard for me in that, she was in a very abusive, controlling relationship a while back and I am walking the line of feeling like I should not have to put up with something like this, and not wanting to seem controlling.

Again, I know she isnt physically cheating on me, because we live together, and I can account for her whereabouts pretty much 24/7, but mentally this is messing with me.
Well, I don't blame you. It seems to me that she has trouble with boundaries. People don't need to hate their exes, and it's fine to be friendly and polite should you bump into them, but regular communication to the detriment of your current relationship? No, it's just not OK.
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Old 03-26-2015, 05:33 PM
YAZ
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,075 posts, read 11,817,908 times
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My ex-wife had a tendency to chat it up with men from her past; I was cozy & confident enough to not make a big deal out of it.

But when she saw that I was Facebook friends with an ex-girlfriend from 1992?

The excrement hit the air circulating device.

One thing that Skydive Outlaw didn't mention (but it's prob'ly documented in the books he cited), is that folks that use triangulation absolutely hate it when the shoe is on the other foot.

To the OP:

I don't advocate playing games with your loved ones, but I wonder how your girlfriend would feel if one of your ex lady friends suddenly popped up?
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Old 03-26-2015, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
1,966 posts, read 1,290,434 times
Reputation: 4198
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skydive Outlaw View Post
Most common strategy employed by women that are engaging in triangulation:

"But he's just a friend !!'

http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Frien...t+just+friends

Great book by Shirley P Glass called 'Not Just Friends'

Mod cut.

Can you just give it up already? If you are truly a MGTOW or whatever, why do you hang out in the relationship forum????
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:43 PM
 
324 posts, read 319,714 times
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Me and my partner both have a couple of close friends that are exes as well.

The thing is though, these friendships were established for years before me and my partner even started dating. We've been together a number of years now and live together, and it's never been an issue.

However, if a random ex of mine from ten years ago hit me up out of the blue today, and was talking the way this guy did, it would not be cool with my partner. And honestly, if that did happen, I wouldn't shut it down quickly out of respect for him.

So yeah, it would definitely bother me and think it's disrespectful of her to let this guy from her past that's trying to get with her again, into your lives.
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Old 03-27-2015, 01:42 AM
 
495 posts, read 571,014 times
Reputation: 790
If a dude has a bunch of hot ex's that still want to get into his pants but he says you need to trust me they are just friends you can bet his current girlfriend would be pissed and would never allow such behavior. As the OP stated these ex's are taking shots at her under the guise of friendship and are just waiting for an argument or other problems to make their move. The vast majority of ex boyfriends do not remain friends out of some platonic bond. They are hoping to have an ex with benefits situation 9 times out of 10. But of course everyone will say my ex views me as a friend only, yah right enjoy your fantasy world you live in.
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Old 03-27-2015, 01:50 AM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,630 posts, read 11,106,255 times
Reputation: 37655
Run, don't walk. If this is bothering you so much now, imagine later on when you are really deep into the relationship.

IMO, it is very disrespectful of her to be in a relationship with you and still maintain a somewhat flirty relationship with all the other guys. She has issues and doesn't understand that her actions are affecting this current relationship. It is not only disrespectful, it is immature........this is something a teenager might do, not an older lady.

It would certainly bother me, and I would not do it to any lady I was in a relationship with. What is over is over, and your GF wants her cake and to eat it too. She isn't the one for you. Where there is smoke, there is fire.


Don
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